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User Topic: mostly made me laugh ...
SoCo
♀ Member
Member # 33907
Default  Posted: 8:26 PM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So yesterday was our 34th wedding anniversary .

We decided to treat ourselves to a much needed new bed!!! And holy crap what is difference it is over the old one!!!

So.... A couple of things....

Firstly, while that old bed/mattress was very uncomfortable, it was familiar. We knew where each little sag was, how it was lower at the foot, dipped down in the middle, we knew how to position ourselves to get the best nights sleep.

Thinking on that... Is was very much like our marriage prior to dday. KWIM?

Both of us making "do" with what we were familiar with for quite sometime. Now, obviously there came a point for my H where that was just not good enough for him, he made one choice, I made another.

This weekend we made a choice together, we compromised on style, placement, colors for the new bed. May sound like a very simple thing right? Well not always for a lot of us. We keep trying.

All in all a good start to the celebration/weekend...

Now day of anniversary we load up old mattress/box springs( not worth donating) packing boxes and head for the local dump. We drop mattress, than circle around to recycle packing boxes.... There was a bit of a line...

So, the older gentleman working the site decided to entertain us/himself with the following joke...

woman walks into pharmacy, asks pharmacist for some arsenic to kill her husband.

Pharmacist tells her absolutely not they both would be arrested for murder!!!

So the woman pulls out a photo of her husband in bed with his wife.

Pharmacist replies.... Well now, I did not know you had a prescription.

OK, for me? NOT FUNNY!!! Did he have any idea how offensive that joke was ? No, probably never had to deal with infidelity.

I just turnd my head, line started ( thank god) moving and we did what we came to do then left.

My H did apologize for the trigger, which was very thoughtful. We discussed how neither of us found any humur in those types of jokes.

I admitted while yes, it most certainly did trigger me, I was not going to let it ruin my day. And I did not!!!

I really just wanted to share this with those not as far out as I am, it really does get oh so much better!!!

While it was a trigger/pin prick, I was able to stay in the moment after a bit of reflection and enjoy the day with my husband .

This shit ain't easy no doubt about, but you can accept your reality, chose to not let these things take you to your knees!

Time is huge!!!! Good luck to all those facing any kind of anniversary/anti-anniversary/affair season ..... BE KIND TO YOURSELF!! Be patient with your feelings, your healing.

It is YOUR timeline. It most certainly true you can only move through this stuff, not around, not under, not over!!!

Peace to you all!
SoCo


BS (me)
WS (him)
DDay. Jan. 2010
AKA Whydidyou (long story)

Posts: 314 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South Carolina
OakStreet
♀ Member
Member # 41193
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So glad for you, SoCo!


Me: 58
Him: 65
Married: 21 years (well, we'll say 19 now!).
One son: 19, 2 adult stepdaughters
DDay: Oct. 14, 2013
18 month EA/PA with COW
Dday #2: 4/16/14 - took it underground for 5 months.
Haven't decided on outcome.

Posts: 443 | Registered: Nov 2013
peaceBmine
♀ Member
Member # 44060
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you so much for posting. Anniversary is this week and I feel like I am a wreck trying to deal. I needed to know there is hope, so thank you!


Me (BS)- 42
Him (WS)- 44
Married 21 years
3 beautiful daughters (18,16,14)
DDay- 4/23/14- 6 month EA turned PA just before DDay

Posts: 167 | Registered: Jul 2014
WhatsRight
♀ Member
Member # 35417
Default  Posted: 8:55 PM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay I am going to be really brave here, and say that I chuckled when I read the joke. I'm sorry.

I was not laughing at the infidelity but about how people can have one perspective when they don't have all the information or the experience of a certain thing. How the pharmacist changed his tune when he realized it involved him and his wife. How people who have not actually been through it are clueless.

Also, there is such a thing as dark humor. A few years back, my sisters and I had two grandmothers who were at the point of death at the exact same time. We would drive back and forth across our state to be with first one, then another. One of us joked once that, if we were ever pulled over for speeding, that we could say we were trying to see our dying grandmother before she died - and it would be the truth - no matter which direction we were going!

Not really cool to laugh about death but we laughed about that for a long time. Sometimes dark humor is just an emotional release.

I am, however, sorry that it triggered you. I am so happy to hear that you are healing. Best of luck to you both!


"Noone can make you feel inferior without your concent." Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not be vanquished. Rose Kennedy


Posts: 1889 | Registered: Apr 2012
SoCo
♀ Member
Member # 33907
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

whatsright...

No need for "I'm sorry" !!!

Didn't take long for my dark side to laugh as well.

I completely understand what your saying !

Actually the trigger was more like....

LOL! Are you fucking kidding me??? I am having a great day, no triggers, happy to be my H......

Then some stupid asshole brings up infidelity.....

Really??. really??? It was all good!

[This message edited by SoCo at 9:17 PM, August 10th (Sunday)]


BS (me)
WS (him)
DDay. Jan. 2010
AKA Whydidyou (long story)

Posts: 314 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South Carolina
purplejacket4
♀ Member
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Glad you reclaimed the day AND a new bed.

I thought the joke was hilarious but then again I'm three years out from d-day going to hell anyway


Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2196 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
Topic Posts: 6

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