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Newest Member: JRconfused (45363)

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User Topic: Public anxiety
Hopeful74
♀ Member
Member # 44003
Default  Posted: 9:33 PM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone else experience this? I am so anxious thinking about doing the simplest of things. Shopping is probably the biggest for me. I have been out a few times and enjoyed myself, but, for some reason, shopping makes me uncomfortable. I don't know if it is the idea of buying things (even groceries), knowing that he is not here to share with, or if I am nervous about money now that I no longer have a partner to share the worries of bills with, or maybe a mixture of both. Any ideas on how to get past this so that I don't have an anxiety attack buying groceries? What a mess I am!


Me: BW 39 Him:WH 37 (M)12 years; (T)18 years -2 DD: 16; 3; 1 DS: 9
Separated, headed for Divorce-he's not strong enough for me
'Everytime you get up and get back in the race, one more small piece of you starts to fall into place.' -

Posts: 302 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Hampton, VA
purplejacket4
♀ Member
Member # 34262
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can you start with just going in, buying a few things. And going through the express lane? Sometime small victorious steps help.


Me: BS 45
Her: fWS 48 (same sex partner)
Together: 18 years now (both MDs)
OW: meh so what 40s PhD
DD1: 10/30/11EA; DD2: 11/10/11 Had ONS; TT until 12/26/11; broke NC 6/12; NC again 7/12; R-ish

Posts: 2244 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: Great Southwest
Feelthrownaway
♀ Member
Member # 33772
Default  Posted: 9:59 PM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have had panic attacks for about twenty years. The best way I learned to overcome them is to take baby steps. One of mine was if I drove more than a mile from my house. I would go a little further every time. If the attack started I would pull over until I over came it, then go home. It took me time but I did :) .

Are you worried that you will run into someone, him, her, or a friend that doesn't know? I ask because my driving wasn't the problem. It was because I had broke down before in a place I didn't know, and it took hours to get help. My panic in crowds wasn't because of the people, but because my parents lost me at Disney when I was seven. It took me a while to figure out what the real reasons for the attacks were. Knowing help to beat them.( I still get regular panic attacks here and there but they are when I am really under a lot of pressure.)

I would try driving to the store and sit in the parking lot. If you feel okay then go in the store and walk around or grab one item and then leave.

Try talking to yourself(I did this). Say ...Hopeful, you are ok. It is just a store. Verbally reasuring yourself.

I know it sounds silly but it did work for me.


BW- 48
FWH-49
D-day- aug 16,2011
Married 23 years- together 25

What doesn't kill me, scars me.


Posts: 1089 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Down South
Hopeful74
♀ Member
Member # 44003
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Feelthrownaway, you might be onto something! I live about 3 miles from her, but have never seen her in public. But I might just be anxious about running into her or someone that knew my H and I before his A, and having to answer questions. I had never thought about it that way before. Any ideas on how to handle that?


Me: BW 39 Him:WH 37 (M)12 years; (T)18 years -2 DD: 16; 3; 1 DS: 9
Separated, headed for Divorce-he's not strong enough for me
'Everytime you get up and get back in the race, one more small piece of you starts to fall into place.' -

Posts: 302 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Hampton, VA
Feelthrownaway
♀ Member
Member # 33772
Default  Posted: 10:52 PM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If emotionally this is not a situation you can handle at this time (running into them). Go further away to shop. Even if it is way out of the way. This gets you into the store and comfortable going there. If you are in a small town with no other store, try going early in the morning or late at night when most shoppers don't go.
Do this until you feel at ease going. It may take a while so don't beat yourself up. That will make it worse. When you feel emotionally comfortable dealing with others try going to your normal store or at the normal times. It does take time. it may take a month, three months, etc.
Talk to yourself...say I want to go to the store and I am damn well going, I can do this, etc.


BW- 48
FWH-49
D-day- aug 16,2011
Married 23 years- together 25

What doesn't kill me, scars me.


Posts: 1089 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Down South
peaceBmine
♀ Member
Member # 44060
Default  Posted: 11:05 PM, August 10th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know I have lot of anxiety in public places now...constantly looking for OW...haven't seen her, but always looking...for her, her car. I asked last week for a list of places she would frequent soni could avoid those until this passes. Basically, I got Target- and I don't go to Target...of, and a grocery store near her house...20 miles away. WH says she's a homebody and hates going out. But obviously she didn't stay home quite enough for my liking.

I think the idea if small baby steps is great. Good luck. I wish you the best in conquering this.

[This message edited by peaceBmine at 5:22 PM, August 11th (Monday)]


Me (BS)- 42
Him (WS)- 44
Married 21 years
3 beautiful daughters (18,16,14)
DDay- 4/23/14- 6 month EA turned PA just before DDay

Posts: 256 | Registered: Jul 2014
Hopeful74
♀ Member
Member # 44003
Default  Posted: 8:52 AM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks peace! Same to you. We will survive this!!!


Me: BW 39 Him:WH 37 (M)12 years; (T)18 years -2 DD: 16; 3; 1 DS: 9
Separated, headed for Divorce-he's not strong enough for me
'Everytime you get up and get back in the race, one more small piece of you starts to fall into place.' -

Posts: 302 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Hampton, VA
niaveone
♀ Member
Member # 40317
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Two years later I am still looking for OW in public. :( It doesn't help that we live in a very small town and if I don't see her...I see a member of her family or a friend of hers every.single.time. I go anywhere. Everything. everywhere is one big trigger. *sigh*

At least I went from fearing the sight of her to wanting to punch her in the face. lol. That's an improvement for me....


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married: 17 years
2 children
2 DDays

Posts: 255 | Registered: Aug 2013
Topic Posts: 8

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