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Newest Member: datehimhatehim (45059)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Replaceable
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No it's just the opposite.

You were better than she was and your husband knew it too.

His behavior would only be accepted by someone equally broken and damaged. He had to seek out someone lesser than you in order to find justification and validation for his actions and words. A healthy, strong, and intelligent person wouldn't accept such behavior.

There is a thread in JFO titled
They Always Affair Down

It's a must read.

People don't have affairs with healthy, strong, intelligent, and secure people. He had to go trolling for someone lesser than you. In fact, in many ways she needed to be lesser than he was too, so she'd validate him and make him feel important and smart.

She was never better than you. What she was to him, was better at accepting his broken mindset and messed up actions without question. She fit his need to not be held accountable or responsible for his behavior. So the only thing she was better at was being a hot mess.

[This message edited by BtraydWife at 8:52 AM, August 12th (Tuesday)]


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 1762 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
MJane
♀ Member
Member # 40571
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi there - completing get the being "replaced" - I was completely replaced but was busy looking after a newborn and thought the lack of sexual interest initially was the same sleep deprivation and parenting coping that I was dealing with and not that he was busy with someone else in his lunchtimes! While the betrayal and breach of trust are horrid the fact I became completely invisible to him hurts so much. He saw me give love to our child and we shared those first months as a new family and while it meant the world to me it clearly meant very little to him. I wonder at my own naivety - I thought our M had just waned under the pressures of being new parents and was busting a gut to try and bring romance back - I feel a fool now knowing he had plenty or romance and time off - just not with me. I was not just his lover or his wife - I was his best friend and he looked me in the eye every day and was capable of taking what he needed from me while treating me like a doormat. I know it isn't about the OW but he also chose someone so superficial, gaudy and cruel (she was the one who broke it to me in the worst possible terms smiling on my front door step) and he told that person he loved her - makes me wonder whether I am truly loved and actually I remain unconvinced his love is the true kind so R is not really happening - I am haunted by the feeling that if I let my guard down he'll do this to me again.


Posts: 253 | Registered: Sep 2013
Topic Posts: 22
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