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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: oh how this ages us.....
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 2:09 AM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have always looked older than my age...havent been carded since I was 21. I just have that look.

Today in church I noted how my wife looks older. I then came home and looked, really looked in the mirror. I look older too.

Shouldn't surprise me...but it does. I get the damaging affects of stress hormones on the body. I have witnessed first hand the 20 pound weight loss many speak of. I have seen more of my scalp lately and notice my wifes hair as both thinner and more coarse.

We are already a-typical aged parents for a 7 and 10 year old in the part of Missouri we live in, a part where highschool sweethearts marry and have kids at 18-19 years old. I really think that by the time our girls are in highschool we will resemble grandparents more than parents....I already think we look more like that than parents!

I appreciate the weight loss as it also coincided with my lifting weights...tone is good. Plus my last blood work showed a 30 point drop in cholesterol. Still at 205, needs to be around 100 for me....but it was a nice thing to see on a report!


Still.....as i look at my wife and in the mirror....I am reminded about the trials and struggles of the last 2 years.

I am letting my beard come back in....much gray and white in it this time.

Feel a little uncomfortable with this as I did move a boundary around at a work conference about 6 months after my first DD. I had a gotee then and entered into a flirtatious conversation with a girl almost half my age....ending in me allowing her to rub and comment on my gotee. Shortly there after I excused myself from the hospitality gathering and went to my hotel room....sick to my stomach feeling. So I may shave soon.....

Yeah, a nothing post. Most of us know this ages us. Just awake and a bit restless.

Thanks for reading.

Peace.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 4041 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
djla2929
♂ New Member
Member # 44354
Default  Posted: 2:59 AM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You too, my friend:) I have no doubt this situation we find ourselves has caused much more gray hair. I don't sleep and I'm so tired of being tired. I don't have much advice/experience but I'd imagine try to stay healthy in all respects. I'm trying to eat well and exercise...which seems to help, but this definitely has been taxing. I'm only about a month in...I'm sure it'll be a long journey.

Posts: 21 | Registered: Aug 2014
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 3:19 AM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

With regards to sleep....

I have done well to remind myself that God made me human. As such, I do tire. He provides the gift of sleep for me to use so that I may endure the trials tomorrow will surely bring.

That is not working tonight.....but that works for me many nights. I pass it along in hopes that you can attempt to recognize sleep as a gift too.

God is with us all.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 4041 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
struggling3
♀ Member
Member # 34671
Default  Posted: 6:23 AM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep...it has aged us both. I see it. Took it's toll on us. You are so right about what stress can do to your looks, your body.


Me - BS 55
H - WS 57/very remorseful and supportive
Kids 29, 26, 22
D-Day 8-5-11
discovered 4 month long EA
R - slow and steady but very optimistic

Posts: 328 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: New Jersey
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wonder if it has really aged me, or if I just notice more. Mind more. I do notice more puffiness around my eyes -- that no longer goes away when I get a good night's sleep. Loose skin near my armpits, and knees, no matter how much I work out.

And Blake, I am long past old enough to be a grandma here is the part of the rural, upper Midwest where I live, and we have a 10 year old, only child - which is also highly suspect. SO, I get ya there.

This may be a bit of a t/j on looks, but, honestly, I look better than I did pre-A. I am somewhat self-conscious about that, as well. (Don't want to be the wife that "got herself together" because of her husband's affair.) I have lost weight, am more fit, put more effort into how I look and dress, and I am totally enjoying it. Mr. Bionic is enjoying it, too. I am still not exactly where the BMI chart says I should be, and maybe never will be. But, I feel better, and am stronger.

We went to a dance this weekend, and I took what felt like a huge risk and wore a big, swirly dress and heels -- not normal Bionicgal style. Mr Bionic was beside himself. . . how could I not have known before how much he'd like to see me dress up? The things you learn after 25 years together. I had all these preconceived, "feminist" notions about not caring much about how one looked, or of not trying to 'please' a man. Well, I rocked my "instrument of the patriarchy" shoes this weekend, and we were both happier for it.

H and I have both gotten comments lately (together) about how good we look. I am not trying to brag or deny anyone's reality, infidelity is a real bitch, but I do think some of this is a state of mind. What is certain is that we are all aging, and maybe as we recover from this, we'll get a couple-year reprieve from the process!

And great news about your cholesterol, Blake. I am trying to get up the nerve to go get my first physical since dday.


me - BS (45) - DDay - June 2013
A was 2+ months, EA/PA
In MC & Reconciling
"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward." -- C.S. Lewis.

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Daisy312
♀ Member
Member # 36813
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My relaxed face is a saggy frown! Fwh says i dont look older but when i look in the mirror i can see it. Im supposed to be in my prime! I think it's from all the crying these past 2 years! :(

Posts: 283 | Registered: Sep 2012
SadFlower
♀ Member
Member # 37725
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have always looked younger than my age. I am lucky to have my mother's good genes and not many wrinkles, even at age 66. I never used to mind the wrinkles, because they are the kind that come from a happy life--crinkles around the eyes, laugh lines. Now, though, I'm noticing some unhappy lines around the mouth, some frownies between the eyebrows, and circles under my eyes. My FWH has mentioned that sometimes he'll look at me and I just look sad. It's in the eyes, he says. My FWH looks older, too.


Me: BW, age 66
Him: WH, age 64
Married 19 years
In R.

D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA


Posts: 412 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Connecticut
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bionicgal.....I too am satsified with how I look. I am almost at my highschool weight and have good definition in my upper body. Makes me feel good when my youngest daughter says stuff like "Whoa....Dad's got guns!!!" when I take my shirt off to go swimming!

I also appreciate my cholesterol numbers have dropped 30 points and I don't jiggle as I jog at the gym anymore.

But I note the "older" look in and around my eyes....and maybe that because I see into me more through my eyes. Its in my wifes eyes that I notice the aging the most.

Peace.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 4041 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
hopefull77
♀ Member
Member # 43221
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I saw a birthday card once that said something about I wish I weighed what my drivers liscense says!
I am 15 pounds lighter than that... ahhh the infidelity diet....
my H had lost weight during his A he has gained it back.....he looks more like himself now.....
Overall we both look great for our age.....
My husband also looks far more peaceful since dday....


me-BS
him-WS
3 adult children 1D 2S
married-1977
LTA 06-2010 - 11-2012
D-day - 11-11-2012
status - reconciling and very hopeful
"Let Go of Control; Let God's Life Flow" ...Richard Rohr



Posts: 676 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: sunny california
SoLostStillNumb
♀ Member
Member # 44248
Default  Posted: 12:47 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel somewhat bad posting here as I notice some of you are twice my age and I shouldn't complain about how this ages me, but I felt like I could relate (somewhat)

I'm only 3 months out, and although I don't see wrinkles, I do feel my body somewhat deteriorating in ways it shouldn't be at my age. I've developed IBS and suffer from migraines on a normal basis, so all this has only made recovering that much harder on a physical level for me. I've lost 15lbs and though I've always been petite I clearly look malnourished and underweight now. I am noticing quite a lot of white hair. I get light headed whenever I stand up or bend down. My body aches in areas I know I probably shouldn't be aching and I constantly have nausea which doesn't help with trying to eat regularly. I've found myself just having to sit down and rest while doing normal day-to-day tasks as well.

I'm trying my best to take care of myself, but it's honestly really hard to do this when I'm still in limbo and have no real structure to my life at the moment. I hope it gets better for all of us.



Me: BS 26 Him: WH 27
Married: 5 years, together 7. No kids.
DDay: 6/3/14 and TT till 9/5/14
Separated, headed for divorce
Trying to accept this nightmare is real every morning.
Hold on, this will hurt more than anything has before

Posts: 224 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: VA
Scubachick
♀ Member
Member # 39906
Default  Posted: 1:12 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It seems like men get more attractive as they age and it's just not fair I have noticed my husband getting a lot of grey hair over the last year. Clearly, he proved that grey hair and wisdom are not related I now have horrible dark circles under my eyes but other than that I look the same. I feel like a different person though.

Posts: 785 | Registered: Jul 2013
Melian40
♀ Member
Member # 41205
Default  Posted: 3:39 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I look younger than my age.
Now, when I see the mirror I think I'm 10 years older.


BW-me:40
BH-him:41
DD-age 9
Together 7 years, married 17 years
DD1:8/12/2013 -OW1-PA 1.5 months in 2009
DD2:8/17/2013 - OW2-EA Spring 2013- He tried to hit on her but she denied.

"You can't fix a broken man, but he can break you"


Posts: 216 | Registered: Nov 2013
Didact
♂ Member
Member # 42867
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have always looked a little young.

Even with the miracle infidelity diet, this has aged my appearance. And from what I understand, even the weight loss is only temporary. The M might feel new and fresh, and in some ways so am I. There are other days I do just feel old, tired, angry and broken. I'm sure it shows...


No matter how painful, life either adapts or it dies.

BH (Me) 49
WW 48
Married 1985
D-Day Mar 19, 2014
1 year passionate EA/PA, ended by me on d-day.
Attempting to R


Posts: 253 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: United States
MJane
♀ Member
Member # 40571
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for making me chuckle today Blakesteele - just the other day - looking at yet more white hairs that had popped up and wrinkles i swear I didn't have a year ago I thought exactly the same thing. I felt a bit shallow when I thought it as my physical appearance is the last outcome of this trip that really worries me - the fact I feel like I can't truly trust and rely on my closest friend has devastated me so much. But there are days when I do look in mirror and think "I look 5 years older than I did last year" - lack of sleep and crying can't have helped things! My solution has been to buy very nice face creams and indulge in the sales to buy some nice clothes - can't do much at this stage about the past but helps me to feel I still have "it" despite the wrinkles!

Posts: 260 | Registered: Sep 2013
MJane
♀ Member
Member # 40571
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for making me chuckle today Blakesteele - just the other day - looking at yet more white hairs that had popped up and wrinkles i swear I didn't have a year ago I thought exactly the same thing. I felt a bit shallow when I thought it as my physical appearance is the last outcome of this trip that really worries me - the fact I feel like I can't truly trust and rely on my closest friend has devastated me so much. But there are days when I do look in mirror and think "I look 5 years older than I did last year" - lack of sleep and crying can't have helped things! My solution has been to buy very nice face creams and indulge in the sales to buy some nice clothes - can't do much at this stage about the past but helps me to feel I still have "it" despite the wrinkles!

Posts: 260 | Registered: Sep 2013
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

folks - we REALLY need to take care of ourselves during this. A marriage isn't worth our physical well being. Make yourself your first priority. I know it's so hard....
hugs to all.


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5486 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
12yearsloyal
♀ Member
Member # 43064
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have aged as well since D day. I always looked young for my age and now I think I just look my age. The stress, the crying, it takes a great toll. My hair is thinner and all this has happened in under 6 months. WS looks way older as well. I told him last night he just doesn't look the same. I still don't know who out there that has had an A can really say it was worth it. Drama and stress from living a double life - I would never want this, not in a million years.


Him: WS, 51 LTA/EA/PA(he says 1 yr, evidence = 2 yrs)
Me: BS 52
OW: Caribbean whore, ugly
What I want: Profound, deep, passionate love.
What I got: Betrayal, heartache and Xanax.

Posts: 174 | Registered: Apr 2014
LA44
♀ Member
Member # 38384
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think its aged my internal compass - some of my thoughts and comments to friends seem more like someone a decade older (not really such a bad thing). I am with bionic though - I do look better then I did pre-A. I take better care of myself now - sunscreen always but ramped it up, dress, more good hair days. Sadly, the 15 that I lost is back....so I am working out to at least keep me looking tone and strong. There is a conference coming up and I want to look like I can kick ass, KWIM.

Way to go bionic for rocking a swishy dress and to you blakesteele for getting that cholesterol down.

And blake...we are older parents - esp in these parts where people also marry their hs sweethearts and have kids right away. Maybe we will get mistaken for their grandparents at grade 8 grad!

Hugs to you all!

[This message edited by LA44 at 10:21 AM, August 12th (Tuesday)]


Me: 44
He: 47 WH
Married: 15 years
D Day: December 2012
Affair: Fall 2009 - Dec. 2011
R is not linear

Posts: 2577 | Registered: Feb 2013 | From: Canada, eh
1owner
♂ Member
Member # 41157
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, crow's feet, thinning hair. I shaved my beard because it got so much gray in it. I guess wrinkles are next, but so far, so good!

Physically, I feel great. I can't explain it, but physically I feel like I'm 10 years younger. I resumed regular exercise a few months after dday, I guess that's the reason.

I wish good health for all of us!


Posts: 205 | Registered: Oct 2013
MissesJai
♀ Member
Member # 24849
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yeah, same thing with us. Me more than him.


FWW - 41
"Don't think first about the risks of speaking up. Think first about the risks of not speaking up." ~ Kerry Patterson

Posts: 6022 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: So Cal.....
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