Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: asherssoul (45716)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Need some handholding
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 5:46 AM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've just handed my small children over to The Arse for 1.5 weeks

They've never been away from me for more than 2 nights without seeing me during the day etc. Feeling really sad, but also very angry at The Arse.

He also didn't ask for anything to go with them. They went with what they were wearing. He did ask if they had other shoes, but immediately interrupted me as I was about to reply [that I'd get some] telling me that it didn't matter. We're still sharing the only family car, so I did make sure they had warm/waterproof coats and a cuddly toy each in there.


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - passive aggressive, tt'ing, gaslighting...multiple EA's with different women (1 'proven') and at least 1 PA

Took a while, but I like the me I am, without him.

"Until God opens the next do


Posts: 1097 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
ChangeMaker
♂ Member
Member # 43899
Default  Posted: 7:44 AM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel for you SC. I haven't had to hand over my kids to my STBXWW for that kind of time yet, and I'm not looking forward to it.

Spoil yourself, and keep yourself busy.

Don't worry about him or what he does with the kids. He will provide them what they need. If you offered to send a bunch of stuff with them, he'd quickly come to expect it every time, then shit on you for the things you did/didn't send. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

Now get out and do some shit that just ain't no fun with kids around!


"Everything works if you let it." - Travis W. Redfish

DDay - June 7, 2014
Me - 43
WW - 41
DD - 6 and 3
Pulling the Plug


Posts: 384 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Ontario
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 7:57 AM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's tough for sure. In time you will learn to appreciate each and every moment THAT MUCH MORE with your kiddos. Hang in there, it does get easier, for you and the kids.


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 1032 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks.

I do worry. I know The Arse doesn't have too many clothes for them...he sent ds7 home in The Arse's underpants some weeks back

Last year, although he had them for two weeks, he brought them back each evening...this is the longest he'll have ever looked after them himself too. I worry that they'll miss me but not tell him (because they want to please him). Not so bad if it's just a weekend, but my youngest (4) didn't really seem to understand that it was for longer. I worry that he'll think I've abandoned him?


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - passive aggressive, tt'ing, gaslighting...multiple EA's with different women (1 'proven') and at least 1 PA

Took a while, but I like the me I am, without him.

"Until God opens the next do


Posts: 1097 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 12:40 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Softcentre))) It's so hard, especially at first. But it will be okay. It really will. The kids will adapt, and you will, too. Some day, you might actually look forward to and enjoy your time apart.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 53, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 9014 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
ideservebetter45
♀ Member
Member # 36951
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry.I haven't had to do this yet either.I am hoping I never do. My dd is going to be 8.She is starting to open up to dad and tell him when she doesn't want to go with him.Sometimes he makes her,other times no.Depends on what he has to do.I cannot even imagine him having her more than one night.He couldn't handle it, i'm sure.She hasn't been away from me more than one night.It wouldn't go well if he forced her to stay.Hugs to you..keep busy..your in my prayers

Posts: 162 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: ideservebetter45
Lola2kids
♀ Member
Member # 32789
Default  Posted: 2:02 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't had to do this yet either.
The most they have been away from me is 2 nights.

I don't know if it will ever get to the point of a week or more but I dread it.

I hope that they have fun at least.
Try not to think of them missing you. I know it's hard.
Do you get phone calls while they are away?

Hugs Softcentre ((()))

[This message edited by Lola2kids at 2:03 PM, August 11th (Monday)]


BS: (Me) 47
Kids: twins DD(10)
D-Day April 18, 2011
Him:out Sept. 11, 2011
He moved to Europe June 27, 2014.
"They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder but I am growing more and more fond of his absence"

Posts: 1449 | Registered: Jul 2011 | From: Ontario, Canada
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 2:09 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((softcentre))))


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 26151 | Registered: Aug 2011
Nature_Girl
♀ Member
Member # 32554
Default  Posted: 2:31 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((HUGS))))

This sucks. I know there are other, deeper fears in your head you aren't articulating. I'm praying for you all.


Me = BS (Stay-at-home-mom)
Him = EX-d out (abusive troglodyte NPD SA)
3 tween-aged kids
Together 20 years
D-Day: Memorial Weekend 2011
2013 - DIVORCED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJgjyDFfJuU

Posts: 10012 | Registered: Jun 2011 | From: USA
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you. Just need to get through this time.

I'm going to work on the house. Make it a nicer place to live by the time they get back. Do some DIY I can't do with them around, that sort of thing.

Yes NG I'm also worrying about other things, including whether he's passive aggressively alienating them from me and how they'll be when they get back. I'll get them back for just 3 days, then he'll have them for another week. It's hellish.


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - passive aggressive, tt'ing, gaslighting...multiple EA's with different women (1 'proven') and at least 1 PA

Took a while, but I like the me I am, without him.

"Until God opens the next do


Posts: 1097 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love that you'll use this time to make your home even better. (((Softcentre)))


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4203 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
betrayedpregnant
♀ Member
Member # 43304
Default  Posted: 6:43 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

softcentre, i'm SURE your babies will think of you and how much better it would be if you could be with them. i'm sure they'll miss you and can't wait to see you either. And they'll be thrilled to come home to their improved house.

Posts: 307 | Registered: May 2014 | From: Hawaii
tesla
♀ Member
Member # 34697
Default  Posted: 10:21 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((softcentre))))

It's so hard. Especially the first time...meh, not going to lie, it's always hard. Hopefully you can call them for a quick good night. I know I live for those calls when teslet is gone from me for long periods of time.
Fill your time and be kind to yourself.


"Thou art the son and heir of a mongrel bitch." --King Lear

Posts: 4734 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Indiana
tryingagain74
♀ Member
Member # 33698
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Softcentre)))

I have to give my kids to ex-cheater this weekend for their week-long family beach trip. I know how you feel. I always feel tremendous relief when they return. My kids sort of enjoy the trip, but unfortunately, they really can't get excited about it because they'd rather be with me than with him.

I agree with the others-- I already have things lined up to do; I spend this week in school getting ready for the new year while my kids are gone.

May the time pass by quickly until your babies come back to you. You're not alone!


BS (Me) 39
Happily liberated!
Two DS and One DD
It matters not how strait the gate,/How charged with punishments the scroll./I am the master of my fate:/I am the captain of my soul.--"Invictus," William Ernest Henley

Posts: 3641 | Registered: Oct 2011
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 2:00 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone.

I don't get to call them etc. When they're with me in the holidays and not seeing The Arse on the weekend, I make sure they call him or I text him what they tell me to, if they ask after him or say they miss him. As in:

Child: "Mummy when is Daddy coming?" or "I miss Daddy"
Me: "X days time. Would you like to call/text him?" or "Come and have a hug. Would you like to call/text him?"

So contact is offered in response to their need, rather than for the benefit of the parent IYSWIM? That way,they don't get upset by a phone call if they were feeling fine and phone calls can't be used to control where we are...The Arse doesn't do the same. He only contacts me if they explicitly ask for it.

Funnily enough, The Arse made sure that he either has a visit or a phone call midweek if he doesn't get to see them at the weekend, but not in holidays. I'm now realising that may have been about making sure he didn't have to reciprocate....

Anyway...it will be lovely if I hear from them, but I don't expect to.


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - passive aggressive, tt'ing, gaslighting...multiple EA's with different women (1 'proven') and at least 1 PA

Took a while, but I like the me I am, without him.

"Until God opens the next do


Posts: 1097 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 2:07 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Softcentre)))


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 2370 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
Bluebird26
♀ Member
Member # 36445
Default  Posted: 3:42 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((SC))

I remember the first time my kids went to their fathers for a week. I was d.e.v.a.s.t.e.d. I cried for the whole week. The first is the hardest. It does get easier. I still miss them of course but no longer cry and actually enjoy my time alone. It lets me recharge my batteries.

Keep busy, be gentle with yourself.


"Loving someone should not mean losing you. Love empowers you. It shouldn't erase you. - Thelma Davis.

Posts: 1376 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: Australia
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So it looks like i need to invest in shares in kleenex &I'm not getting all the things done I meant to and have been wallowing and watching inane tv...but on the plus side, my gorgeous eldest son told The Arse to text me a pic of my boys, telling me he (DS) misses me but they're having fun.


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - passive aggressive, tt'ing, gaslighting...multiple EA's with different women (1 'proven') and at least 1 PA

Took a while, but I like the me I am, without him.

"Until God opens the next do


Posts: 1097 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm a hot mess this evening. I feel like I've gone back months in my healing. Probably it's partly because this weekend is my 2 year antiversary. But I'm in tears and, honestly? Right now I just want to talk to him. But I do know that nothing will have changed, he'll still be detached & unremorseful and if I contacted him, it would mean even more pain for me. So, knowing that, why do I feel this way? I've already started writing down all the terrible things he's done and it hasn't helped. Ugh!...BTW I won't be contacting him, but why the desire to do that?


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - passive aggressive, tt'ing, gaslighting...multiple EA's with different women (1 'proven') and at least 1 PA

Took a while, but I like the me I am, without him.

"Until God opens the next do


Posts: 1097 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 1:27 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((softcentre)))) Antiversaries are tough. And I'd wager that your mind is still trying to make sense out of the nonsensical. It happens even while we aren't thinking about it.

What can you do for YOU tonight, honey? And tomorrow? What about this weekend?


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 26151 | Registered: Aug 2011
Topic Posts: 22
Pages: 1 · 2

Return to Forum: Divorce/Separation Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.