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Newest Member: confusedwife32 (44902)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: 4 months in and he's still couch-surfing...so are the kids
minniegal
♀ Member
Member # 43848
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I could not care less about where he is choosing to live. He hasn't found a permanent place for himself yet - likely due to the fact we still haven't worked on an agreement and he's in denial about how much this will cost him financially. (I'm ready to negotiate - we're waiting for him!)

But the kids have been dragged back and forth from his sister's 2bedroom tiny condo (where they sleep on the sofa and floor) and his parent's place (the two boys sharing the sofa bed). Both of them complained to me yesterday that they can't sleep - they are overtired and sharing a sofa with your brother is getting old fast.

Neither will say anything to him. They don't want him to feel bad that he doesn't have anywhere for them to sleep. But I'm losing patience. If he was giving up his bed and letting them have a turn in sleeping in a bed so they could get a good night's sleep maybe I could see that he would eventually get a space more suitable - but he's acting like this is perfectly fine and is not making any moves to make a change. ugh...NC is tough...hoping to hear from my lawyer this week that we can finally start mediation. Providing a proper bed will definitely be on my list of what is needed to continue overnights!


Me (BW) 43
Him (WH) 43
Two great boys - 16 and 13
April 1st - the coward told my friend he was "unhappy"
April 12 - I discovered the truth
Separated and on the way to divorce

Posts: 85 | Registered: Jun 2014
newlysingle
♀ Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would think you would be able to withhold visitation until he has a place for them to sleep. Or at least not permit overnights. I was able to withhold overnights until the Fnat established a home and beds for my kids.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 887 | Registered: Mar 2013
HeBrokeVows
♀ Member
Member # 43252
Default  Posted: 11:48 AM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with above poster. My kids don't have overnights because he doesn't have a suitable place to live. He actually won't even tell us where he's living. No way would a judge allow the kids to be overnight and he's not asking anyway. I would talk to your lawyer. I can't imagine where overnights are suitable right now.


Dday March 12, 2014. Found out my husband of almost 10 years was having an affair, first emotional then physical for 6 months.

Posts: 330 | Registered: Apr 2014
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dipshit has been living in a tiny one bedroom apartment. The kids sleep on the floor in their sleeping bags on camping pads. Since they only visit on weekends, it's like having a 'sleep over'.

Apparently, they've been complaining to Dipshit about it. He's moving to a larger place. I would encourage the kids to express their feelings to your STBX.


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1747 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
Jls0320
♀ Member
Member # 41192
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am also withholding his overnights until I have a permanent address for him that is not his sluts. He currently staying with her, begging me for money to get himself a place, nope sorry you wanted fantasyland have fun with her! He is starting his few hrs this wed not sure where he will be taking them though and I don't like that at all


Me: 33 BS 2 little boys
Him: 33 WH, too much too list, drowning in his sex addiction
Together 15yrs, married 6yrs
Dday 9/17/2013, more discovered 1/26/14
NC broken 7/28/14- pathetic piece of crap
Divorce filed, he loves his whore lol

Posts: 319 | Registered: Nov 2013
minniegal
♀ Member
Member # 43848
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would make an issue of it now BUT I think the boys will get tired of this nonsense faster and will slowly stop going on their own. If he moves to provide a place for them it would make it more difficult for them to say no, or for me to make an issue if he starts to fight for more time.

With older kids so much more is placed on them to have a choice. I don't think it's fair to the kids because it forces them to chose between their parents. I'd rather they spend time with him during the days and come home at night to sleep but we'll see what happens as this moves along. I wish he would stop delaying and just get moving towards an agreement already!


Me (BW) 43
Him (WH) 43
Two great boys - 16 and 13
April 1st - the coward told my friend he was "unhappy"
April 12 - I discovered the truth
Separated and on the way to divorce

Posts: 85 | Registered: Jun 2014
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd rather they spend time with him during the days and come home at night to sleep but we'll see what happens as this moves along.

Suggest that your boys talk to him. They are old enough to help come up with a plan that works for them. And I would offer the above suggestion to the kids, they might not have thought about it.

Definately stay out of it, they are old enough to talk to him and work on alternatives.

Hugs,
K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5062 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Topic Posts: 7

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