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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Just want to share,,,
jjsr
♀ Member
Member # 34353
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

for all the newbies here. I am just past 3 years of dday and it does get better. I know right now in the first few days, weeks and months you just in survival mode and wondering how in the hell did your life just implode all around you.
When you get some rest, distance and clarity, whether you chose to R or to D, you will feel better, your mind will be more able to think clearly and you would be able to breathe.
My thoughts are with all of you are you start on this journey that you didn't want to take.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Married since 1985
Parents to 2 adult sons and 3 of the cutest cats you have ever seen
D-day 8/6/11 Truth about ONS and 9/21/11 Truth about EA
Trying to reconcile

Posts: 1647 | Registered: Dec 2011 | From: midwest now.
OakStreet
♀ Member
Member # 41193
Default  Posted: 2:32 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, jjsr!


Me: 58
Him: 65
Married: 21 years (well, we'll say 19 now!).
One son: 19, 2 adult stepdaughters
DDay: Oct. 14, 2013
18 month EA/PA with COW
Dday #2: 4/16/14 - took it underground for 5 months.
Haven't decided on outcome.

Posts: 498 | Registered: Nov 2013
LumpyLola
♀ Member
Member # 44330
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for those supportive words. I hope they turn out to be true in my case, but the way things look/feel/are right now, I'm not sure. I'm holding out hope, though.

Posts: 90 | Registered: Aug 2014 | From: Chicago
Trying2LoveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 43024
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So happy for you! It's always great to hear an encouraging story. We are almost at one year since Dday & some days I have my doubts I will EVER be happy again! Thanks for the reminder that it is possible.


Me:BS
Him:FWH
2 DS:35 & 30 , 2 D Grandchildren
"Oh the webs we weave, when first we practice to deceive"....My WH quotes this often.
I found out about H's affair 25 yrs later.Mine is my own "Life is a journey, travel with Care."

Posts: 293 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: New Mexico
blindsided81
♀ Member
Member # 44206
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you!


Me, BW 51
WH, 47
OW, ttw (trailer trash whore)
DD, 7/21/14
Separated, divorcing his ass as soon as I possibly can!!

Posts: 112 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: North Carolina
SoLostStillNumb
♀ Member
Member # 44248
Default  Posted: 11:05 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, jjsr. It's great to hear this encouragement.

How do you handle distancing yourself if you don't know to chose R or D yet?

I struggle with wanting to distance myself to not get hurt, but worry that I'll put up so many walls and barriers that I won't wont feel anything anymore and the chance of R is gone for me. I do want to R, just afraid of how long the road will be to get there...


Me: BS 26 Him: WH 27
Married: 5 years, together 7. No kids.
DDays: 6/3/14, 6/24/14, 7/2/14, 7/3/14, 9/5/14
Separated, headed for divorce
Trying to accept this nightmare is real every morning.
Hold on, this will hurt more than anything has before

Posts: 222 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: VA
lilylilith
♀ Member
Member # 44240
Default  Posted: 7:30 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you jjsr! I wake up everyday wondering if I can get through this...


Me: BW
D-Day: 6/23/14

Posts: 91 | Registered: Jul 2014
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121
Default  Posted: 7:32 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So glad to hear you're doing well!


Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA
WeepingBuddhist
♀ Member
Member # 39139
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'll add my happy ending: in the 18 months or so since D-Day, I have created a life I never expected. It was hard as hell at times but so worth it. Fear can paralyze you but once you get past it, the whole world is waiting.


Me: BS 46
Him: unimportant
D Day:4-27-13
DIVORCED!!! 2-20-14

Posts: 615 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Columbus
sunny58
♀ Member
Member # 43645
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((jjsr))))
Thank you. Had a difficult night. I really, really needed to read this today. I feel better now.


Divorce Final - 9/25/2014

"The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies. It comes from friends and loved ones."


Posts: 92 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: United States
SparrowSoul
♀ Member
Member # 44223
Default  Posted: 10:54 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((jjsr)))

Thank you for the encouraging words! By and large I do feel like WBF and I are doing/getting better, but there are definitely moments that my courage flags, and a pep talk like this is exactly what I need!


Me: BGF, 29
Him: WBF, 35 (RMarred)
D-Day: 7/5/2014, seared into my memory like a brand.

"Dum spiro, spero." - "While I breathe, I hope."
The cure to all of life's problems is salt water; Sweat, tears, or the Sea.


Posts: 131 | Registered: Jul 2014
bravegirl19
♀ New Member
Member # 43539
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you jjsr! You and the other survivors are such a huge inspiration for me. Knowing that there are people who found true happiness again gives me hope that someday I won't think about this all the time!


Me (BS) – 36
WS – 35
Dday – 5/25/14
Together since 2003, married 6 1/2 years
EA and PA with COW for at least 3 months WHILE I WAS PREGNANT (still don’t know the truth of the length of this affair or possibly others)
He doesn’t want to be married

Posts: 48 | Registered: May 2014
damaged71
♂ Member
Member # 36004
Default  Posted: 3:30 PM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have kind of been wanting to post something like this as well. You just NEVER think this will ever end.

Then... one day it does and it's just something that happened as opposed to something that defines;you, your life and your relationship.

My wife and I are fine and she isn't the crazy person she was a few years ago. I never dreamed I'd be in the good place we are but we got there. It wasn't easy but here we are.


I didn't know there was this much emotional pain in the universe!
Me 42
Her 44
D-day 5.18.12
Currently in R

Posts: 350 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: damaged71
MadOldBat
♀ Member
Member # 44146
Default  Posted: 4:17 PM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you so much for your post jjsr.
I'm one month in, & have honestly glimpsed the man I fell in love with 30 years ago.
After enduring so much 'life together' all these years, I'm so sad that I never shocked him into finally talking to me before now.
Turns out that whilst I spent the last 10 years afraid that our M was disintegrating, so did he. Afraid, yet refusing to admit it.
Our strength is growing every day by daring to share our fears, & look at them squarely in the eye, in the full light of day.
He made some stupid hurtful choices; I may never trust him to choose again, but I have gained enough insight to have the self confidence to make my own choices for me, because I know that they will be based on what I believe to be my own self interest.
Whether we eventually D or R I have decided, & WH has agreed - we will make no decisions now.
We are taking stock.
We are friends.
We are in disc (re) covery.
What he did was so shocking, he shocked & disgusted himself. It's made him look at his behaviour & he can hardly believe he could be so horrible.
But he has taken ownership & is overwhelmingly remorseful.
To good to be true?
We'll see - I'm warey & watching!
Good luck to everyone out there

[This message edited by MadOldBat at 4:24 PM, August 12th (Tuesday)]


Trying to keep my chin(s) up

Posts: 105 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: United Kingdom
Rubix
♀ Member
Member # 44099
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the post. I had such an awful night and day. WH tried convincing me to stay with him but I was so unsure of weather I will ever feel better , trusting or happy again. This has made me think it might just be possible.


BW: me (25)WH: him (29-RemorsefulHubby)
kids: mine:DD 5 ours:DS new born.
Married: 6 months now seperated.
D-Day: 13/06/2014 - craigslist account. Secret hotmail account.
D-Day 2: 9/8/2014 find out he cheated a week before our wedding

Posts: 164 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Northamptonshire
Topic Posts: 15

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