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Newest Member: Shattered31 (45724)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Coming Out
WhereIsHome
♂ Member
Member # 43662
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Obviously the inner circle knows the truth. As betrayed curious to know what people tell not as close family, coworkers, neighbors, and people they know in community. I would assume you just have to say I'm getting divorced and most people will like oh bummer. If some pry do you say spouse had affair? I hate to take the blame as in irreconcilable difference but also my daughter lives in community don't want to throw mud on her mom. I am sure will be old news really quick not like we are Hollywood tabloid material but still when it's your world you think it's a big deal.

Any tips from experience.


I was betrayed - 39
Wayward Wife - 38
D-Day1 May 2011 bought her lies didn't get confirm on 1 till dday2.
D-Day2 Good Friday 2014...Good Friday have to laugh a little on that one.
Daughter #1 Stillborn
Daughter #2 Doing great

Posts: 92 | Registered: Jun 2014
lovehonorcherish
♀ Member
Member # 41843
Default  Posted: 9:25 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In my case our close family and friends have watched my life unravel and they all know the truth. Should someone outside the circle ask me what happened I always say "I didn't like his girlfriend". That answer provides the truth and usually stuns whoever is asking into silence


I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change...I am changing the things I cannot accept.

Posts: 125 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Northeastern US
Hopeful74
♀ Member
Member # 44003
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Omg LoveHonorCherish!!! I am so stealing that answer!!!! Lol


Me: BW 39 Him:WH 37 (M)12 years; (T)18 years -2 DD: 16; 3; 1 DS: 9
Separated, headed for Divorce-he's not strong enough for me
'Everytime you get up and get back in the race, one more small piece of you starts to fall into place.' -

Posts: 302 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Hampton, VA
HeBrokeVows
♀ Member
Member # 43252
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lol at didn't like his girlfriend.

My friends and family know it was his affair. Acquaintance I simply say he left us back in march because he had another life he was living and didn't want "this" anymore. No one asks more. I too get worried because my kids are growing up in this town. But I did nothing wrong. Yet they don't need to k ow all details. If they find out, not a biggie thought.

Was just at kindergarten play date at their school. A few friends I haven't seen in a while I told them. Not details, but below he chose another life. It went over fine.


Dday March 12, 2014. Found out my husband of almost 10 years was having an affair, first emotional then physical for 6 months.

Posts: 518 | Registered: Apr 2014
h0peless
♂ Member
Member # 36697
Default  Posted: 11:27 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't have anything to hide so I just told everyone what happened.

Posts: 1805 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Baja Arizona
Pass
♂ Member
Member # 38122
Default  Posted: 11:52 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Last week, I ran into a co-worker from ten years ago. We were talking back and forth about kids, jobs, stuff, when she said, "Oh, and how's The Princess?"

"She's a lying, cheating, slut."

Never sure how that's going to turn out. Sometimes people immediately express concern or rage. Other times, a hush falls over the crowd.

This time, it was rage. We had a nice little rant together!


Loyal spouse: Me; Disloyal spouse: The Princess
Two sons: Now 11 and 14
DDay: Nov 15, 2012
Separated: Mar 2, 2013 after 17 year marriage, now divorcing!

The best thing about hitting rock bottom is that everything after that looks fucking fabulous


Posts: 2157 | Registered: Jan 2013
IrishLass518
♀ Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 12:50 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I recently replied to an inquisitor regarding my marital status: "I had a great marriage until he came down with an incurable case of infidelity." She looked at me and said "Yeah, I had a husband with that disease too" We both laughed.


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1800 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 2:10 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^
|
|----that was funny


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 2377 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
PurpleRose
♀ Member
Member # 33129
Default  Posted: 8:31 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have also used "I didn't like his girlfriend" when asked.. It either shuts them up right quick, or they burst out laughing and I can too. :)


divorced the Dooosh
*****************************
even if you find your voice,
sometimes it does not matter anymore,
when you speak to a man who is deaf by choice.
~dodinsky

Posts: 3630 | Registered: Aug 2011 | From: Happyville
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I told everyone, because he was starting the "our marriage was really bad for a long time" bullshit. I was not going to let him paint his little web of lies. I told the world and I don't regret it for a minute.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3477 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
Betrayeddaddio
♂ Member
Member # 30198
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my daughter lives in community don't want to throw mud on her mom

I have 3 young daughters and they are the reason I haven't told anyone about the cheating ex, I just leave it at "It just wasn't working out". I don't want my girls finding out and thinking that is an acceptable thing to do because their mother did it....
Now I have told other people with whom it would have less chance of getting back to my girls, and if I ever find out that the STBXWW is fooling around with another married man, all bets are off.
I would tell every person she knows, especially her married female friends (as a warning and service to them that stxww doesn't consider married men off limits for dating).
Just my 2 cents


BH-42 WW-40 DD-5 DD-9 DD-11
D-Day 09/27/2010 Wayward wife had a 10 month A with married DB co-worker Separated Oct. 2013

Posts: 709 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: Canada
brokeninfl
♀ Member
Member # 21896
Default  Posted: 10:32 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had a great marriage until he came down with an incurable case of infidelity

I love this!

Honestly, in the acquaintance circle, I don't say anything (because usually people don't ask) but, if someone does ask, I tell the truth - he was unfaithful, I divorced him. End of story. Most people don't want the gory details.

I will say, and I don't know if guys are like this too, but one mom asked at my boys preschool early on (when we were separated, headed to D and I was still very very angry) and I told her the whole story -- all the gory details. That got around so fast it made my head spin. I didn't really care, but I was *shocked* at the speed that news like that spread.


"On the other side of fear lies freedom"

Me - 36 BS
Him - doesn't matter
2 DS
DD 11/08
Divorced.


Posts: 1074 | Registered: Dec 2008
bravegirl19
♀ New Member
Member # 43539
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great post, WhereIsHome! I have the SAME question...

I'm going to use the "I didn't like his girlfriend" response, because it makes me laugh and is true! Thank you lovehonorcherish!


Me (BS) – 36
WS – 35
Dday – 5/25/14
Together since 2003, married 6 1/2 years
EA and PA with COW for at least 3 months WHILE I WAS PREGNANT (still don’t know the truth of the length of this affair or possibly others)
He doesn’t want to be married

Posts: 48 | Registered: May 2014
LoveHerStill
♂ Member
Member # 31504
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have used a quote from Princess Diana,
"There were three people in our marriage, it was a little too crowded for me!"

I have also just bluntly said that she betrayed and abandoned me. I get mixed reactions. It is never easy but I find the cold hard truth to be the best response.

As some other member often posts, this shit aint easy!


Me BH-45
Her WW-44
Married-20yrs
Together-26yrs
D-Day 4/11/10
Divorced 9/13/2010
XWW Married OM 5/23/2011

There is hope. Once you truly commit to focusing on yourself and letting go, it comes back, and you will appreciate it like never before.


Posts: 525 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Seattle, WA
Topic Posts: 14

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