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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: 5 months out - first sign of real remorse
12yearsloyal
♀ Member
Member # 43064
Default  Posted: 10:51 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, I have an update. I have gone from D day in March, no answers and continued contact with HO worker in April, May, an unemployed WS end of May, discovery of organ photos taken in June, no signs of remorse and very little IC on WS's part up to now.

August 11th, we have a break through. WS wants to R and get back into IC, MC. I am astonished. I have been left hanging all this time since D day. I am happy about this, well cautiously optimistic is a better term. We shall see where this goes. I know that I will not go thru another A not with him, not with anyone. The rules are the rules and they are my rules. I will not drop my standards, my way of life. I will keep this promise to myself. You will not see me on here announcing D day #5, #6, #7. I will write this in blood if I need to. We have a long road ahead but at least I think we are now on the road.


Him: WS, Selfish, mental, mid-life crisis LTA EA PA
Me: BS American, Blonde, thin, attractive (and none of that mattered)
OW: Caribbean whore (RuPaul is better looking)
What will it profit a man if he gains the whole world but loses his soul?

Posts: 161 | Registered: Apr 2014
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 11:00 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gently- this is still all just talk.

Consistent actions over weeks and months show remorse. Remorse shouldn't be confused with compliance.

Just going to counseling doesn't help. He will only get out of it what he puts into it. My wh coasted along meaninglessly in ic for almost 3 years. During that time he was not remorseful but he pointed out several times that he was doing what I asked.

Yes, this is great news that he has agreed to go to counseling.

He should attend ic weekly for several months before you start mc. Monthly ic sessions are too far apart for someone needing as much help as he needs. (Really any cheater)

But don't declare remorse just yet. He has a long way to go before that's proven. I hope he means it.

[This message edited by BtraydWife at 11:01 PM, August 11th (Monday)]


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 1758 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
SoLostStillNumb
♀ Member
Member # 44248
Default  Posted: 11:00 PM, August 11th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

12YL - I'm so happy to hear this! I'm 3 months from Dday and am still in limbo. No signs of remorse and very little IC. Very little contact with me too since I moved out and we haven't spoken at all this past month. He even says he isn't sure if this is really what he wants, but is willing to talk to me and go to MC together. Don't know how I feel about this yet, but it feels good to see that there is sometimes a light at the end of the tunnel for others like you.

I'm happy to also hear you aren't going in blindly and are being cautiously optimistic. I struggle with even knowing what my standards are at this point, but its amazing to see you so strong and unwavering.

We have a long road ahead but at least I think we are now on the road.

I hope to feel this too one day. Again, so happy that you are on a road.

(((12yearsloyal)))


Me: BS 26
Him: WH 27
Married: 5 years, together 7
No kids
DDay1: 6/3/14 and TT till 7/3/14
DDay 2: 9/5/14
Separated, headed for divorce

Trying to accept this nightmare is real every morning.


Posts: 148 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Currently all over
Hurtingnnc
♀ Member
Member # 44284
Default  Posted: 6:58 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am happy for you and hope he follows through. For me Limbo is almost more difficult than finding out what he was doing.
I wish you both the best.


Me: BGF 45
Him: WBF
DD#1 5/30/14
DD#2 6/7/14
DD#3 6/18/14
It looks like we are done 9/15/14.

Posts: 78 | Registered: Jul 2014
12yearsloyal
♀ Member
Member # 43064
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for all your kind comments. I know this road is long. I'm only at the beginning. He said he is surprised I did not kick him out of our home for all the pain he has caused me. I guess I am a little amazed myself as well.

I don't know where this will go but I am giving it a shot, he has a second chance. There will be no third chance. Life is too short and I'm too old for 3rd, fourth tries to get this right. He is listening now and answering my questions. He said he has been a "selfish pig" and yes he has. He is finally looking within and this has been so much needed over his lifetime.


Him: WS, Selfish, mental, mid-life crisis LTA EA PA
Me: BS American, Blonde, thin, attractive (and none of that mattered)
OW: Caribbean whore (RuPaul is better looking)
What will it profit a man if he gains the whole world but loses his soul?

Posts: 161 | Registered: Apr 2014
peaceBmine
♀ Member
Member # 44060
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy for you. The work is just beginning, but I am glad you can move from Limbo. At least the work is GOING SOMEWHERE!


Me (BS)- 42
Him (WS)- 44
Married 21 years
3 beautiful daughters (18,16,14)
DDay- 4/23/14- 6 month EA turned PA just before DDay

Posts: 163 | Registered: Jul 2014
Topic Posts: 6

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