These past 5 months have felt like 5 years. The emotional roller coaster just won't stop. I feel so isolated and sad. I never wanted a divorce or a cheating husband, but I have no choice. I feel like I am in hiding. I don't want to be out in the community where we as a family and couple were so socially active over the years. I don't know who knows about the D and who doesn't. Every time I bump into someone, I think do they know? I feel so ashamed and embarrassed, and I did nothing to feel this way, but I can't make it stop.
I read here on SI often and it helps, but aside from my IC, I have no one to talk to who understands. I still feel like all of this is a nightmare and I just want to wake up. I had absolutely no idea of the devastation that comes with divorce and it so much worse knowing that WH feels none of the pain, shame, anxiety or sadness that I feel. He is just moving on with his happily ever after....
Just had to get that out to anyone who can relate.
Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.
I have to admit, I still occasionally feel weird/awkward when I get asked about being married (for me it's usually other moms at the boys school). But the more I do it - the less it bothers me. You'll get to that point too. Its like aversion therapy.
it so much worse knowing that WH feels none of the pain, shame, anxiety or sadness that I feel
And while the advice is to not let your mind go down this road, remember that you don't know how he feels -- I never saw it, but years later I heard though a friend of my Xwh about all the times he cried on his shoulder because the divorce ect was tearing him up (not that that it changed anything) So - no matte what happy face he has on, don't assume that he's skipping off happy into the sunset, because it's probably not true.
Me - 36 BS
Him - doesn't matter
You did nothing wrong. You were an honest, living woman who lives her life with honesty and integrity. You married someone with none of those qualities, but pretended to possess them. People will not look down on you, but they will on him.
My EX and I were extremely active in our community. I refused to let him just replace me in that life, so I staked my claim in it. He's the one that had to move on. So get out there and be seen. And remember, cockroaches and rats scurry away when you walk into a room.