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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Vent - Wanting attention? Out of control? I don't get it..
GotPlayed
♂ Member
Member # 41294
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is very venty. Sorry everyone.

I'm the distracted type. So I depend on reminders. STBXWW knows this.

During the M, she did a lot of the reminding. She's always been very good with calendars and such.

As we've been apart a while now (7 months) due to her A and unremorsefulness, I've gotten good at reminding myself of everything via big visible calendars, and stressed out over organizing everything in my household (even though I'm not necessarily very good at it). I share a Google calendar with her for the kids. So she has an exact copy of the calendar I keep for the kids. On her phone. Monthly I copy the calendar on my kitchen for the kids and sitter to keep in mind.

So last night I get a text asking telling me about "tomorrow's" DD8 starting school. I didn't question it, maybe I was wrong. So I told dd8 to go to bed early and got everything ready for the first day of school (everything is purchased, new backpack and all - I thought maybe my calendar is wrong, and I didn't want to start a back and forth with her on who's right and repeat the stupid relationship patterns when we clearly no longer have or need to have a relationship, so I didn't correct her either).

She texts at 5am apologizing, and sending me copies of the same documents from school I already have that say about school starting next week, not this one. Of course I'm asleep after a long day of working+manage household+kids+cooking. So now I'm awake. Later on, as I'm getting everything ready for the kid that is indeed back in school (DS10), I see DD8 coming down in her uniform all ready and excited for her first day at school. I clarify the situation as nicely as I can.

Stupid me for still trusting STBX and not verifying.

She doesn't work, refuses to work and just asked for a lot of money through the Ls to "go back to school". I guess when you don't do anything for months but see OM and live a fantasy life courtesy of your ex-H, no amount of $ is enough and the days just blend through. And the Calendar button on her phone is too far. Or something.

The usual sitter is on vacation, and I'm starting with a new one who will hopefully become their regular from now on so we don't have to share a sitter. She's done great but it's still stressful to leave my kids with someone new.

I don't know why she concocts this crap and tries to throw me off in my parenting. I don't even know if she's doing it consciously. I don't understand it, but I hate the boundary crap she pulls. Being a single dad with a high pressure job is hard enough as it is without her ^%$%$ head games..

How can I make her not be important in my life anymore if she keeps inserting herself in it??

Anyway, thanks for listening.

[This message edited by GotPlayed at 1:38 PM, August 12th, 2014 (Tuesday)]


Master of my Fate, Captain of my Soul.
Me: BH 42, Her: WW 41. 18y married
DD: 11/5/13
DS10 Autism, DD8
OM: Ex-con for DV. Now with new ROs!
Divorcing

Posts: 762 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: California
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 2:25 PM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gotplayed -

I don't know why she concocts this crap and tries to throw me off in my parenting. I don't even know if she's doing it consciously. I don't understand it, but I hate the boundary crap she pulls. Being a single dad with a high pressure job is hard enough as it is without her ^%$%$ head games..

They will have moments throughout the first few years (the unremorseful, entitled ones) where they have moments of panic (or reality, as the rest of us call it) where they need to reach for control of something. For awhile, that will be YOU.

You already know you're doing great. You're on top of it with the kids, sitter, job, running a household, etc. YOU'RE DOING IT. Stop giving her headspace and let go of her shit. She WILL try to insert herself but you need to recognize it for what it is. Pathetic.


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 1032 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
kernel
♀ Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 8:04 PM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My only advice is to NEVER trust her word on ANYTHING. She's proven that you can't. It doesn't matter if she does it on purpose or she just has her head up her ass, NEVER trust her.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5337 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 8:53 PM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I looked at it this way: if his lips (or fingers) were moving it was a lie. I could either verify from a different source, or trust my gut. I never expect the truth from him - he wouldn't know it if it bit him on the nose.

Trust your parenting, it sounds like you're working through the glitches fine. Things will settle down for you, when you trust yourself to do the jobs she used to do. All it takes is a few months of practice and you'll find yourself relaxing.

K


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5552 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Topic Posts: 4

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