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Newest Member: HellYeaimdone (45730)

Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Poll for The BS
Hatemyhusband
Member
Member # 41633
Default  Posted: 7:02 PM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In MC yesterday, we were asked seperatelt to rate these on scale 1-10 (10 highest) So I'm asking you the following:

How long ago was DD?
How happy are you?
How secure do you feel?


Posts: 386 | Registered: Dec 2013
Margypan
♀ Member
Member # 44427
Default  Posted: 7:34 PM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How long ago was DD?

3 months - but I feel the need to say that although I found out three months ago, we didn't really discuss it for various reasons (I've been angry and refused to talk, we've both been in summer school classes, and family illnesses) until about 2 weeks ago.

How happy are you?

4 - This one is hard. I've still very upset and unhappy about the circumstances - probably a 1 here. But I'm happy that I know and that he's finally being honest and working on himself and our marriage even if I'm not really able to do much more than talk yet. I'm not doing real work at this point because I overworked last time (2 Ddays - one being almost three years ago), and I feel it's his responsibility to put in a larger effort this time - at least up front. But knowing and his transparency this time makes my happiness score go up.

How secure do you feel?

Probably a 1 at this point. But since we JUST started talking about it, it's as fresh as DDay in many ways - so I feel this is to be expected for me.

I also want to add that I really like these questions. I'm going to copy and past them so I can keep a running word document open. I plan to answer these once a month to track my progress. So thanks for sharing them!!


Me: 30 BW
Him: 34 WH (Trip3)

Posts: 65 | Registered: Aug 2014 | From: South Carolina
bionicgal
♀ Member
Member # 39803
Default  Posted: 7:43 PM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

almost 14 months

Happiness - 7 (on average. This weekend I hit a 10, but last night when I was sick, I was a 1). I have read that most people are a fairly consistent level of happy over their lifetime, and this is pretty representative of my normal state. So, I think that means the "crisis" part of the A is over, maybe.

secure - 7


me - BS (45) - DDay - June 2013
A was 2+ months, EA/PA
In MC & Reconciling
"Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point to move forward." -- C.S. Lewis.

Posts: 2154 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: USA
Notmycircus
♀ New Member
Member # 44013
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How long ago was DD?
5 weeks

How happy are you?
1 to 2. Mostly I am angry, with intermittent bouts of hysteria. Some days I am hopeful and some days I think I just want to throw in the towel.

How secure do you feel?
Probably a 2. I think my WH does sincerely feel bad, but he really doesn't get it yet. At all.


Me:BS 55 WH 58
Online dating sites
Dday 6/28/14

Posts: 18 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: United States
Wodnships
Member
Member # 42750
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How long ago was DD?

5 months


How happy are you?

6


How secure do you feel?

With my relationship 3
With my self 10


me: BH 35
Her: WW 28

Married 4 years. Dating 8. Living together 7.

If a man took his time on earth
to prove be for he died
what on man's life could be worth
I wonder what would happen to the world

- Harry Chapin


Posts: 542 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: California
Lucky2HaveMe
♀ Member
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 7:57 PM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How long ago was DD?
About 7.5 Years ago

How happy are you?
8 - I think there is always room for more happiness

How secure do you feel?
9 - I will never be 100% secure/trusting.


Love isn't what you say, it's what you do.

Posts: 6635 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 7:59 PM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How long ago was DD? 2yrs

How happy are you? 5.


How secure do you feel? 7


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1414 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dday- 2.5 twars ago, roughly, there were 2.

Happiness- 4. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that there were two ddays.

Security- 8-9. He wants to be a good person. I see that.


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5502 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
maxandsen
♀ Member
Member # 37173
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DD - 2.5 years ago
Happy - 7
Secure -5

Not feeling it today maybe tomorrow would be a higher score


Me: 40
FWH: 51
Married 12 years
DDay: Jan 2012
A: One year
S: 6 weeks before he pulled his head out
R: March 2012
On the bumpy road to happy

Posts: 70 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: USA
musiclovingmom
♀ Member
Member # 38207
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When was dday?
2 years this coming Saturday.

How happy am I?
7 on average. I still have some bad days, but I also have some great days.

How secure do I feel?
7. This has nothing to do with his behavior. He is doing everything right. I just look at everything differently now. Something that was once just normal, I scrutinize for signs of wayward behavior.

Both my happiness and security are climbing. Much more rapidly now than they were even 6 months ago.


Posts: 1140 | Registered: Jan 2013
RidingHealingRd
♀ Member
Member # 33867
Default  Posted: 10:25 PM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How long ago was DD? 3yrs 10mo

How happy are you? 8

How secure do you feel? 9 because I will never achieve 10 after such a devastating betrayal


ME: 54 BS
HIM: 61 WH
Married: 28 years
D'Day: 10/29/10
in R 4 years and it's working but he is putting 200% into it (as he should) to make it right again.

The truth hurts, but I have never seen it cause the pain that lies do.


Posts: 2134 | Registered: Nov 2011
UndecidedinMA
♀ Member
Member # 33732
Default  Posted: 10:32 PM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DDay:

Coming up on 3 yrs. WOW, still feels like yesterday

Happy:

With what happened this month & his response - very happy!!!

Secure:

Again his behavior for her fishing expedition this month & my still tracking phone & email - doing good. Percentage wise, firm 99, because nothing is ever 100.

I am lucky in that there are no females at his work, I have 110 percent access to phone & email.

His only mistress now is hockey. 3 times a week & I go to every game


ME - BSO
Him - FWSO
OW - DBC Xwife
DDAY 09/14/11 ONS w/DBCxWOW with 4 mos EA
Solidly in R

Posts: 1005 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: MA
wolf_heart
♀ Member
Member # 35262
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How long ago was DD?

2 years and 5 months

How happy are you?

4, there are moments when I am happier, but average a 4. RL is posing other challenges right now besides trying to heal from this. Prior to D-Day it was a 7 or so on average.

How secure do you feel?

2, I feel secure in me taking care of myself more, this is how secure I feel about my WH being there for me when I need him. I don't know if I will get this back. Prior to D-day it was a 10.


Married 27 years
BW: Me, 48
WH: 48
DDay#2: March 2012
DDay#1: October 1992
Attempting R
Without honesty, loyalty, and commitment; saying you love someone, simply means nothing.

Posts: 308 | Registered: Apr 2012 | From: Southwestern Area of USA
heartbrokeninaz
♀ Member
Member # 40779
Default  Posted: 10:55 PM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1 year 12 days ago

Happy: Some days 8, on average 6


Secure: Probably a 4. I just don't have the blind 10 trust that I used to have. I hope to get some of that back some day. It's not his behavior that is causing me to feel this way. It is just how I am now at this point.


BW 41(me)
WH 41
DDay 1 07/31/13 ONS with beaverface
DDay 2 05/09/14 texts to another woman (not returned)
I live a real life fairy tale. I married prince charming. He kissed a troll. He turned into a frog.

Posts: 218 | Registered: Sep 2013
Holly-Isis
♀ Member
Member # 13447
Default  Posted: 11:02 PM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would add how much has your WS participated in R.

Because if I were to answer those questions- it would skew the results.


"Being in love" first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep the promise. *CS Lewis*

Posts: 11275 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Just a fool in limbo
Alex CR
♀ Member
Member # 27968
Default  Posted: 11:18 PM, August 12th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dday was 4 years 9 months ago

Happiness is pretty consistent at 8 and 9 most of the time and there are times when it's a 10.

I feel 99% secure most of the time...I don't count on H for my security anymore. I count on me and I do a pretty good job of taking care of myself now, much better than I used to. That's what H's affair taught me...not to put myself last.


BS Me 61
WS Him 62
Married 33
Together 40
DD 11/16/09
The future looks good....

Posts: 1724 | Registered: Mar 2010
Bobbi_sue
♀ Member
Member # 10347
Default  Posted: 4:45 AM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How long ago was DD?

8 years

How happy are you?
For most years since around 2007, as happy as I've been for most of my life. My marriage is fine but I have something else going on in life that is currently bringing me down, way down. Actually, my son's wife is cheating on him and they will probably divorce, because that is what SHE wants. It is extremely devastating for me, in a small part a reminder to what happened to me (in both marriages) and in a bigger part, having to watch my son go through such heartache, and also worrying about my DIL who will always be the mother of my beloved grandbabies, but seems to have lost her way in more than just her marriage commitment.
How secure do you feel?
I feel very very secure in my M. After what has happened in my life, I have vowed to myself to never ever trust anyone 100% again but my marriage is actually stronger and better than it was in the pre-A years and I do trust him 99.9%.

[This message edited by Bobbi_sue at 4:47 AM, August 13th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 5775 | Registered: Apr 2006
spond
♂ Member
Member # 41686
Default  Posted: 7:10 AM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


How long ago was DD? 9 Months (last dday)
How happy are you? 7
How secure do you feel? 7


BH(me) | fWW
2 Kids - Married 2002
D-Day TT & EA | D-Day #2 PA
Reconciling

Posts: 420 | Registered: Dec 2013
gettingbyjj
♂ New Member
Member # 44074
Default  Posted: 8:19 AM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DDay - 6 weeks ago
Happy - 8.5
Secure - 9

I know that seems a bit high, considering things are so fresh. I'm a quick healer. Plus, I was really happy before DDay, around 9.5-9.7.
There are times, where for a brief period, I'll drop to a 5 or 6, but W is doing all the right things, showing real remorse and is working really hard on herself.


Posts: 16 | Registered: Jul 2014
SadFlower
♀ Member
Member # 37725
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

D-Day: 2 years ago tomorrow.

Happiness: 7/10.
Pretty happy, but still have occasional bad days.

Security: 8/10.
My head tells me he won't stray again, but when I trigger, I get jittery. Checking always confirms that he is completely NC, though.


Me: BW, age 66
Him: WH, age 64
Married 19 years
In R.

D-Day: August 14, 2012
9 year LTA with former co-worker and family "friend"/7 years EA+PA, 2 more years EA


Posts: 412 | Registered: Dec 2012 | From: Connecticut
Topic Posts: 57
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