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User
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Topic: We are both pregnant
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preggonow
♀ New Member
Member # 44502 |  Posted: 8:33 PM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014 |     |
I'm trying to go to the library like you said but when i click on it im brought to frequently asked questions???
Never mind, i googled it and found it. Link appears to be going to wrong place. [This message edited by preggonow at 8:51 PM, August 13th (Wednesday)]
Me- BS
DD- April 2014
My due date- 01/03/2014-1/14/15
OW due date- 01/09/15
Currently working on reconciliation.
Posts: 12 | Registered: Aug 2014 |
lilacs40
♀ Member
Member # 31314 | | Posted: 8:54 PM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014 | |
Just want to throw out there that his being drunk is not a why. After my fist DDay, WH had an EA, he told me it only happened because he was working I overseas and he was lonely and missed me and the kids. Here I am and my most recent DDay was 6 months ago with another EA.
Clearly it wasn't just because he missed us. And chances are there more to your WSO's why as well.
Good luck and please take care of yourself and your baby.
I wish I could just stop I know another moment will break my heart too many tears too many time too many years I've cried over you
Posts: 446 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: IL |
preggonow
♀ New Member
Member # 44502 | | Posted: 9:10 AM, October 3rd (Friday), 2014 | |
Well, it has been a few months since I posted and he told me the full truth. He got drunk with her three times, not one and slept with her each time. Do you ladies think there is a difference in once or three times? Should I not have forgave him? He still seems remorseful and told me on his own the full truth. He claims he didnt want to hurt me anymore by telling me it was more than once. I understand that he was scared to tell me but he should have told me the whole truth in the beginning right? I'm so confused :(
Me- BS
DD- April 2014
My due date- 01/03/2014-1/14/15
OW due date- 01/09/15
Currently working on reconciliation.
Posts: 12 | Registered: Aug 2014 |
StillStanding1
♀ Member
Member # 40144 | | Posted: 9:41 AM, October 3rd (Friday), 2014 | |
That's what we call "Trickle Truth" and it's very common with Waywards. They say they are trying to protect us from additional hurt, but the reality is that they are simply trying to protect themselves and their own self-image. They are still trying to control the outcome by not giving you full information.
If you wanted to reconcile, he needs to understand that you can only do this based on full disclosure. He needs to let you make decisions for your life based on the full truth.
I am so sorry for what you are dealing with. When is your due date? Please take good care of yourself and your baby, that is your priority. You need to stay healthy, drink plenty of water, eat nutritiously, and exercise. And try to sleep! This is awful, we know. Just please try to take the best care of yourself you can at this point.
I'm so very sorry. This should be such a happy time in your life.
Me: 40s BS, Him: 40s WH
M 21 yrs - 3 teens
LTA = 2+ yrs, Dday = 2/10/13, he moved out, he officially moved back in 1/25/14 and our work continues...
Posts: 800 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: MidWest |
preggonow
♀ New Member
Member # 44502 | | Posted: 9:52 AM, October 3rd (Friday), 2014 | |
I do honestly believe he has finally told me the whole truth. In my opinion it changed everything... his, it is the same situation.
I think one time getting drunk is horrible but a mistake was made. Now that i know it was three times I know he had to make a conscious decision each time and he didn't care about me in the meantime. It changed everything.
I'm not saying I dont want to reconcile anymore, I do. We have been through a lot together and work well as a team. I just don't know the steps I should take. Some days I am fine and others I just want to punch him.
I am due in January and I am keeping healthy. He has been awesome with our child and me. He takes care of me and talks to my belly everyday. He is very involved and in love with our son.
He does not have contact with OW except a few times shes texted (which he shows me and responds with me there). He hasn't fully decided but if the child really is his after DNA he doesnt think he wants any part of it. She has had many abortions before and refused to do one this time (not his kids btw on the abortions). Even after she found out I was pregnant too she wouldn't do one. I'm against doing one myself but if shes already done a few what difference would it have made to her to do one this time?
ok, now im just venting... grrrr!
Me- BS
DD- April 2014
My due date- 01/03/2014-1/14/15
OW due date- 01/09/15
Currently working on reconciliation.
Posts: 12 | Registered: Aug 2014 |
Tina73
♀ Member
Member # 44910 | | Posted: 10:04 AM, October 3rd (Friday), 2014 | |
Trickle truths are very common, there may even be more. Remember he showed you how easy it is for him to lie and deceive you.
I'd demand the whole truth and tell him t will be followed up with a lie detector.
Me BW- 27
WH-35
DS-7 DD under 1. I love my baby's!
DD#1- Aug 1st 2014- EA
DD#2- Sep 15 2014 - PAs confessed
3 OW in total. Has been unfaithful from day 1
Learning to give up control, and to focus on me!
Posts: 834 | Registered: Sep 2014 | From: Canada |
Shockedmom
♀ Member
Member # 44708 | | Posted: 10:13 AM, October 3rd (Friday), 2014 | |
Are you in counseling? You both should seek assistance in dealing with his cheating, lying and the future challenges of OC.
Posts: 101 | Registered: Aug 2014 | From: Hawaii |
doggiediva
♀ Member
Member # 33806 | | Posted: 10:34 AM, October 3rd (Friday), 2014 | |
I agree about the lie detector..
Make it a must for R..
You will get more clarity into his level of remorse the more you make the hard stuff requirements for R..You must make him protect your child financially..A lot of WS's have remorse at the surface..They pretend remorse or do the surface stuff to buy them time.. They will use this time to cake eat or get their own ducks in a row to leave..A divorce or split up usually hurts the purse strings in a bad way..This is why the WS prefer not to leave, they would rather have their creature comforts and some freedom on the side..
If your WSO balks at the above or balks at agreeing to a legally enforceable pre -nup (in your favor -should a divorce become an eventuality after you have been married ) too bad, pack his stuff up..What he did has life changing repercussions, it wasn't just a mistake..[This message edited by doggiediva at 10:48 AM, October 3rd (Friday)]
Don't tie your happiness to the tail of somebody else's kite
Posts: 1526 | Registered: Nov 2011 |
lovesobroken
♀ Member
Member # 43588 | | Posted: 10:55 AM, October 3rd (Friday), 2014 | |
Wow!! So since he lied about being drunk once, how do you trust he didn't lie about just three times? What if he wasn't drunk t all and what if it was a longer term affair. How do you know he's not deleting texts or meeting her? Polygraph, VAR, looking at credit card history and phone records and also talking to the OW (many don't recommend) may give you more truth. It almost seems made up, three times drunk sex sounds false. Hang in there, I can understand how this changes everything.
Posts: 394 | Registered: May 2014 |
NeverAgain2013
♀ Member
Member # 38121 | | Posted: 11:56 AM, October 3rd (Friday), 2014 | |
Well, it has been a few months since I posted and he told me the full truth. He got drunk with her three times, not one and slept with her each time. Do you ladies think there is a difference in once or three times? Should I not have forgave him? He still seems remorseful and told me on his own the full truth. He claims he didnt want to hurt me anymore by telling me it was more than once. I understand that he was scared to tell me but he should have told me the whole truth in the beginning right? I'm so confused :(
The second I read your first post in this thread I knew you'd been lied to. How does one have sex with a woman just a week or two before and then claim she's already pregnant not even 2 weeks later? I knew it was a lie when he claimed to have found out she was pregnant a day after his confession. What a crock. You got that confession BECAUSE she was pregnant and he knew he had to tell you because he couldn't hide it any longer. This guy is so transparent it isn't even funny. And for what it's worth? He's probably STILL lying and it was a lot more than 3 times.
I'd think very long and hard about continuing with this guy. This woman is going to be a thorn in your side for the next 21 years. Be prepared for a huge chunk of his salary to go to child support, look forward to multiple court battles, tons of animosity, arguing, drama, more drama, and even MORE drama.
SO not worth it.
Good luck to you in whatever you decide.
Be careful - that 'knight in shining armor' may very well be nothing more than an assclown wrapped in tin foil.
ME: 50+ years old and cute as a button :-)
Ex-WBF: Just a lying, cheating, gravy-sucking pig - and I left him in 2012.
Posts: 2146 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: USA |
| Topic Posts: 30 | |
