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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I'm filing bankruptcy because of the WS
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 12:50 PM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kind of venty, I need to get this out.....

I am having a very difficult time coming to terms with this. I have been so incredibly frugal my entire life, and he ran my credit card up to $12K and still owes on his van $4K. Right now I am on food stamps because of the mess he left with me. I am in school full time but won't be done for a year and a half, so I have no way of paying this off. It is going to kill my credit (I had EXCELLENT credit.)

Since the bills are in my name only and I was stupid enough to believe in him and sign for them, I am the one responsible. So I have contacted a lawyer and just started the legal process of bankruptcy. It is killing me. And I'm scared. I hate court. Court has not been nice for me. My psychoX put me thru 2 years of court with our divorce and it was excruciating.

I hate that I am going thru all this because of HIM! He doesn't care. He has moved onto his next victim. I hate him and wish him a long, excruciating death. He has no conscience. I was back here working my ass off and taking care of our home and the kids, and he was down south partying on my credit card. And I am stuck with his bills. On a very low-paying job (mostly just extra income while I was a SAHM).

I know some day I will dig out of this, but right now it is painful. And it is his fault. Not mine. I know I was stupid enough to believe him, but he had everyone fooled. He is a total predator and even his mom knows that (talked to her yesterday and she told me she knows he is preying on his new live-in gf.)

Hate isn't a strong enough word for how I feel about him.

How do I get past this? I don't like being consumed with these feelings. It's really hard to let it go while I'm reaping the results of his betrayals.......

ETA: Oh, and MIL told me that his new live in love confided in her that he won't have sex with her either. Of course not, he is just using her for her disability checks.....

[This message edited by NaiveAgain at 12:53 PM, August 13th (Wednesday)]


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15288 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
newlysingle
♀ Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know this is tough, but you are not defined by your credit score. If this is what you need to do to move forward in your life, then do it. It will free of this asshole for good.

Keep putting one foot in front of the other. One day, your bankruptcy will be a dim memory. You are a financially responsible person and you will bounce back from this.

Hugs.


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 918 | Registered: Mar 2013
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 2:48 PM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((NA)))) I'm so sorry, honey.


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25707 | Registered: Aug 2011
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 2:51 PM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((NA)))


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 52583 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree, you are not defined by your credit score. (((hugs)))

You are making a new life, achieving and reaching goals. Let go of that baggage. Just leave it on the curb and keep walking.

You can do it, I know you can!!!


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5859 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Williesmom
♀ Member
Member # 22870
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Na))

I hear you. I just got hit with a bill from the wxh recently also- it brought out a lot of anger.


You can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister. -George Costanza
There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women. - Madeleine Albright

Posts: 7761 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Western PA
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 7:20 PM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the hugs guys. And this....
I know this is tough, but you are not defined by your credit score.
You are making a new life, achieving and reaching goals.
I really needed to hear that.

I hear you. I just got hit with a bill from the wxh recently also- it brought out a lot of anger.
Yeah, I am surprised at how incredibly angry I am. Furious! *deep breaths, deep breaths*


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15288 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do not mean to belittle the emotional and mental impact filing bankruptcy is, but the actual process of BK, especially if you are filing a no assets chapter 7 with a good lawyer, is relatively painless.

of course there are creditors to notify, and of the infamous name in the newspaper deal, but that is what your lawyer is for... your own responsibility is to fill out an annoying amount of paperwork, attend a credit class and go to a 341 hearing.

The 341 hearing is what worries people the most, and, sadly, "it's gonna be ok!" is not enough to calm anyone's' jitters. But across the board, the creditors usually do not show up and the "hearing" itself is usually no longer than 5 minutes TOPS.

You are not only going to be OK, you are going to be better than OK. Once the bankruptcy is over your credit will have nowhere to go but up. At that point it would probably be wise to ask yourself some questions: what are your future plans? Will you be purchasing a home? Or even a car? Then you can decide how fast to build your credit back up, or even if it is necessary for you to do. In the end, time will heal all, including your bankruptcy.

A lot of people look down on those who file bankruptcy, and I don't understand why. People end up in this position for different reasons, usually those that are beyond our control. Bankruptcy is nothing more than a business decision that some are forced to make.

I would not look at this bankruptcy as a bad thing... in fact, it is a GOOD thing. You will be out of debt. You are given a chance to start over, without your ex's shit hanging over your head.

This could be your step to a new beginning. :)

Good luck

[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 7:47 PM, August 13th (Wednesday)]


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1280 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
Dark Inertia
Member
Member # 30727
Default  Posted: 7:51 PM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I also just noticed that you are in Ohio. I am in C-bus. At work the other night we just so happened to have been talking about bankruptcy, and a couple of our co-workers spoke up and said they filed BK in the state of Ohio. Both of them had filed no assets chapter 7, and they both said it was a surprisingly easy process... and inexpensive compared to the debt that they had. They also were adamant that it was the best decision that they could make.

You are going to be ok.


"If I listened earlier, I wouldn't be here. But that's just the trouble with me. I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it."

Posts: 1280 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: The Ohio
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 2:54 AM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are going to be ok.
Dark Inertia, thank you for the encouraging words, they do help. I do have an asset, I am a homeowner which was my biggest worry, but I don't have enough equity in it for them to force me to sell (the lawyer checked! whew!)

I think that was my biggest concern. But it seems to be taking more mental space than warranted because I find myself awake at 3 in the morning tonight worrying about it....am I doing everything correct, am I forgetting to tell the lawyer anything, etc.....and I am processing the anger, and there is a lot of it. It just boggles my mind that someone can use someone else like this.

I would not look at this bankruptcy as a bad thing... in fact, it is a GOOD thing. You will be out of debt. You are given a chance to start over, without your ex's shit hanging over your head
I can't wait! Then I will finally be free of him and all his baggage. It IS a good thing! I can't wait until it's over though...


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15288 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
cryingdaily
♀ Member
Member # 7276
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, yes, yes you are going to be just fine. I am, and I was in the EXACT same position as you.

Everything was in my name, including a $350,000 house that I had to walk away from and let the bank have. He didn't help me pay a cent of it when he left.

I had no choice, and it killed me. I had a foreclosure and had no choice but to file because I couldn't pay the cc debt he left me with.

The process was amazingly easy. Very dignified. My lawyer handled everything and I just had to show up at the designated time and place. It wasn't even a real courtroom. They called us up, my lawyer did all the talking. The magistrate asked me one or two, simple yes/no questions and it was done.

One year later I was brave enough to get a small, secured credit card. One year after that, it changed to unsecured. Since then I've had a couple of car loans, bought a house and have two major credit cards. The bankruptcy is a distant memory (just like WX )

It is a setback, yes.....but it is not a disaster. Keeping debt you can't pay, that is a disaster.

You are making the right move for your future.

(((NA)))

[This message edited by cryingdaily at 1:10 PM, August 14th (Thursday)]


Me: BS 48
Him: Doesn't matter any more.
The Royal Court, formerly known as the Princess Posse:
DD31 - Belle
DD23 - Xena
GD10 - Jasmine
GD8 - Ariel
GD Born 9/4/12 - Tink
GS Born 6/23/2014 - Little Prince

Posts: 14400 | Registered: Jun 2005 | From: Massachusetts
cryingdaily
♀ Member
Member # 7276
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh yeah, and when the creditors call, tell them you are filing and give them your attorney's number. You'll never hear from them again. It's a beautiful thing.


Me: BS 48
Him: Doesn't matter any more.
The Royal Court, formerly known as the Princess Posse:
DD31 - Belle
DD23 - Xena
GD10 - Jasmine
GD8 - Ariel
GD Born 9/4/12 - Tink
GS Born 6/23/2014 - Little Prince

Posts: 14400 | Registered: Jun 2005 | From: Massachusetts
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 3:02 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

and when the creditors call, tell them you are filing and give them your attorney's number. You'll never hear from them again. It's a beautiful thing
Aw! Thank you for that....will be doing that at once!

The process was amazingly easy.
And that is good to hear also.....I am PTSD'ing because my psychoX drug me into court and did discovery, and they grilled me for 6 or 7 hours straight on my bank records. Every single deposit for 2 years. I had to try to remember everything that went thru my account, and I was so drained afterwards I could barely walk out of the courtroom.


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15288 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Topic Posts: 13

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