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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I'm beginning to feel like I dont even like him anymore.
kiki1
♀ Member
Member # 37184
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now that we're 4 years past dday, TT all that time. He continually says he wants to make me happy & has made some effort towards being the husband he never was. Our life is very different than what it was, but its a wash. I've gained some, but lost so much. I cant really say its "better".

That TT though, I think of it all the time, how he prolonged my agony, wouldn't give the truth cause he's a coward. Still didnt give me the benefit of being a full partner, allowing me to understand what occurred in my life for over 3 years. No remorse, just regret that he was caught.

Cant get past how he thought I was worth throwing under the bus after 20 years as his wife so he could go fuck someone else. When he wasnt all that good of a husband to me for those 20 years. Because he was bored. I was worth nothing, because he was bored. No other reason is needed, it was pure selfishness.

Sorry, I'm rambling. Just want to get it out I guess. Today is OW #1's birthday. The one he spent approx. 4 years with. LTA, all while I knew nothing and tried to continue to be a good wife, though our life had become a shambles.

Thanks for reading,,,,,,,,,


Posts: 571 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: new york
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 2:28 PM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((kiki))))


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25532 | Registered: Aug 2011
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((kiki1)))) hugs.

Almost cried while reading. I know how you feel. You're in good company. When over OM's bday comes around, it is the elephant in the room at my house.

Yes, sometimes I don't like my FWW either. Prolonged TT and commitment to R can REALLY hurt R for the BS. It did for me. I'm kinda in limbo about being married to her.

Take care of yourself. Watch out for those thoughts that just bring you to your knees. I've been there too.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1354 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
jo2love
♀ Moderator
Member # 31528
Default  Posted: 3:44 PM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((kiki)))

Posts: 35415 | Registered: Mar 2011
apathetic1
♀ Member
Member # 44446
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Same here, he had a 5 year LTA with ex. Thought he wouldn't get caught.

Things are very different in our house as well.

He continued TT for years because he was scared. To be honest I would have lied too though I NEVER would have put myself in that low a place to begin with. I put myself in his shoes, once the realization of what you did and how wrong it was seeps in, how on earth do you look in the eye of the person you JUST realized you are still in love with and tell them honestly your darkest deamons knowing it will kill them?

I get it...


BW - me 40's
WS - him 40's

How does that quote go "fail me once...shame on" ... oh who cares. Once is too many we had vows!!


Posts: 61 | Registered: Aug 2014
tfkeel
♂ Member
Member # 19517
Default  Posted: 4:21 PM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I "get it", too.

I don't care about the "TT". I don't even care about the first lies.

What "does it" ALL for me is how she SAW what her adultery did to her husband, and her two sons, and
CONTINUED her affair with that full knowledge.

My judgement of her is complete, right there. Her itchy puss was more important to her than her family, even her own flesh and blood. Like you say, "throw us under the bus". We mean nothing, when compared with the satisfaction of her LUST.

I forgive her, but she was not the kind of person I wanted to be an intimate companion of any longer.

No remorse, just regret that he was caught.

Not really even that. Mostly, regret that it was over.

[This message edited by tfkeel at 4:28 PM, August 13th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 464 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Pennsylvania
Hatemyhusband
Member
Member # 41633
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry. I just want you to know I'm thinking about what you wrote and it seriously does suck. Bottom line.

Posts: 324 | Registered: Dec 2013
Brentwood
♀ Member
Member # 27465
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, August 13th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

kikil, just wanted to give you a hug. I'm right there with you...6 years of TT and lies. I truly could have written your post. It seems almost impossible to wrap my head around how he was able to see me dissolve into a puddle, but he did nothing to stop it. Just like yours. That's what hurts the most, right? Well at least today that's what hurts the most. It's something new every day.


Me BW (59) What?!?!
Him BH (59)

Posts: 168 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: S. California
kiki1
♀ Member
Member # 37184
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for helping to pick me up when i was feeling down.

It means so much to me to have people who understand where I'm at and reach out to.

Hugs to all of you too,,,,,,,

Y'all have a great and beautiful day,,,,,,,,,


Posts: 571 | Registered: Oct 2012 | From: new york
brokenheartinga
♀ New Member
Member # 41142
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

know how you feel. Its like a big red spot in the middle of a white sheet.
Never again will I look at him the same.
its been 4+ years and I still get mad and sad.
I now feel like I don't care at all. today
is one of the days when I wish I would have
just walked away back then.


***Go with your gut***

Posts: 13 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: Ga
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

know how you feel. Its like a big red spot in the middle of a white sheet.
Never again will I look at him the same.
its been 4+ years and I still get mad and sad.
I now feel like I don't care at all. today
is one of the days when I wish I would have
just walked away back then.


This is what I am so afraid of. I'm hoping I can move on together and NOT look back. It's a horrible injustice and to think you'll never remember it is impossible. But I don't want to be 4yrs out and holding this misery inside.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1354 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 11

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