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Newest Member: sandihaze (45362)

Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Trial Today...Please Send Mojo
NewMom0220
♀ Member
Member # 39036
Default  Posted: 7:02 AM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm laying in bed in a hotel room. My soon to be 18 month old is sitting next to me, tapping away at my iPad. Trying to formulate words. He can't speak yet. He can't tell me himself if Daddy is drunk when he drives. This is my biggest motivation for seeking supervised visitation.

His dad has only had him for 8 overnights his entire life. All supervised thanks to me and thanks to a judge who listened when I said during the temporary hearing that I had a legitimate concern.

This isn't about the fact that he left us. This isn't about STBX's NPD ways. This isn't about retaliation or retribution for the he he'll he put us through. This is about DS and doing the best for him. This is about making sure everyone knows I raised the red flag. Whether the judge decides on unsupervised or Supervised visits, well that's his decision. I'm doing the right thing for DS. I spent the majority of our relationship accepting and making excuses for my STBX's behavior. That's what codependants do. It's funny how having a child can change that.

All we can do is present the evidence. It's up to the judge to decide whether or not those mountains of bar tabs happened before or after STBX picked DS up from his mom's house every night and brought him home to me. The judge will need to decide whether or not I'm being truthful about the many conversations I had with his family, my friends, my counselor, etc...about my suspicions that he was going to happy hour before he was picking up the baby. Did he really stumble in the house that night and refuse to give me the baby and insist on putting him in the crib himself?

These things happened. STBX took his psychological drug and alcohol evaluation and passed. He lied. Manipulated the counselor. Now it's up to the judge. Send us some good mojo!

I'm not a New Mom anymore. I'm a Mama Bear and I'll never give up fighting for DS. Maybe this experience will keep STBX on his toes, but I doubt it. But I'll never stop protecting my DS.

Wish me luck!!!!!!!!!

[This message edited by NewMom0220 at 7:42 AM, August 14th (Thursday)]


Me: BS 36
Him: WS 37
14 month old DS
Married 5 years, together 8, DIVORCING!!! (taking forever)
DDay: 3/1/13 (4 Month PA while I was pregnant)
Sometimes all you have to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

Posts: 374 | Registered: Apr 2013
sudra
♀ Member
Member # 30143
Default  Posted: 7:09 AM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bless your heart, Mama Bear. Good luck. I hope your son is protected. Let us know how it goes.


Me (BW) (55), Him(SAWH) (58)
Married 22 years, 1 son (19), 1 stepdaughter (27)
DDay #1 January 2004
DDay #2 7-27-2010 7 month EA/PA (became "engaged" to OW before he told me he wanted a divorce)
Working on R

Posts: 1498 | Registered: Nov 2010
lieshurt
♀ Member
Member # 14003
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending you lots of good luck hun!


Walk away from anything or anyone who takes away your joy. Life is too short to put up with fools.

Posts: 13810 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Houston
southsidecali
♀ Member
Member # 22752
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending thoughts&prayers!! I think we all know how you feel. Hang in there.

Posts: 833 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: CA
devistatedmom
♀ Member
Member # 24961
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck NewMom. MamaBears are the best.


BS(me) 46, Two wonderful teens.
He is no longer my best friend. Repeat until it sticks.

WH says marriage is over: May 15, 2009.
EA#2 July 20, 2009. Legally sep: Aug 16, 2009. DIVORCED!!!! Signed Nov 23, final Dec 24, 2010, adultery listed.


Posts: 5526 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: Canada
Gemini71
♀ Member
Member # 40115
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending you mojo and prayers. Remember, the Mama Grizzly can drive off a male twice her size!


Edited to correct stupid typos.

Two steps forward and one step backwards, is still progress.


Posts: 1866 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: Illinois, USA
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck, MamaBear. We're all standing right behind you today. ((((hugs))))


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25765 | Registered: Aug 2011
IrishLass518
♀ Member
Member # 34373
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Much court mojo to you


Me: 46 BS Divorced
Him: 45 Married OW
DDay: 07/04/2008
Divorced: 06/15/2011
5 kids: IrishLass 27,IrishLad 25, IrishLass 23, IrishLad 21 and IrishLad 12
"You can't run from trouble..there ain't no place that far"

Posts: 1778 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: WA
DMS88
♀ Member
Member # 13461
Default  Posted: 10:34 AM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck. If he does get visitation I would buy a breathalyzer and make him blow on it before and after visitation. It would be nice if the judge could order that.


Me: BS
Him: WS
Discovered the affair: 4 Jan '07. It started in March '06.
Second D-Day 9 October 2007 (same woman). Moved and affair ended.
Currently separated because of his alcohol addiction and boundary issues.

Posts: 1767 | Registered: Jan 2007
Must Survive
♀ Member
Member # 34533
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mojo your way NM. And I agree with DMS88. Your x should be more than happy to do that to prove he is safe to drive.


Me BS
WS: Just a squished bug on the window of my life!
Divorcing, STBXH is engaged/living with OW#3

They have a choice: they can live in my new world, or they can die in their old one." — Daenerys Targaryen


Posts: 785 | Registered: Jan 2012 | From: Must Survive
hopefulmom44
♀ Member
Member # 44136
Default  Posted: 10:55 AM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NM0220-Good luck! This is not going to be easy. Be strong and stay firm on what you want. Please keep us posted. Sending hugs your way!

Posts: 102 | Registered: Jul 2014
HeBrokeVows
♀ Member
Member # 43252
Default  Posted: 11:00 AM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thinking of you today! Good vibes being sent.


Dday March 12, 2014. Found out my husband of almost 10 years was having an affair, first emotional then physical for 6 months.

Posts: 472 | Registered: Apr 2014
Futurefear
♀ Member
Member # 43176
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Positive vibes sent! Let us know how it turns out!


me- BW
him- WH
together 9 yrs, married 7
kids-8,5,17 mon
DD#1-Jan 2014, numerous others followed-filed for divorce April 2014, we are still living in the house together, he won't leave without his $$$

"The worst part about being lied t


Posts: 219 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck! I hope the judge agrees to protect your son.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 1900 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hoping for good news!!

(((hugs))) for surviving a day in court.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5861 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 3:31 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

happy thoughts!
hope its going well


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8460 | Registered: Apr 2008
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry, I just now seen this. How did things go?


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4788 | Registered: Feb 2008
mhca
♂ Member
Member # 41920
Default  Posted: 8:01 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hope it well, let us know!


Me: BH 47 STBXWW 47 (Lklb5)
M 19 years, DS 15, DS 11
DD#1: 12/24/2013
TT/Broke NC/False R
DD#2: 4/15/2014
TT 4/23, 4/24, 5/31, 7/19
Divorcing

Sample recovery plan, feedback welcome: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=539961


Posts: 788 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: California
ArkLaMiss
♀ Member
Member # 14918
Default  Posted: 8:29 AM, August 15th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Any news to report?


Just HOW stupid do you think I am, exactly?

Posts: 1203 | Registered: Jun 2007
NewMom0220
♀ Member
Member # 39036
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, August 15th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi All,

We got all the way through testimony and didn't have time for closing arguments. So the closing arguments and the final judgement will be scheduled for an hour. So we have to go back.

- the expert witness that gave my STBX POS his evaluation was clearly biased and testified to the fact that he he was not an alcoholic. My atty asked if it was normal for an alcoholic to lie or minimize their use and the expert said "no."
My atty asked if spending $400-$600 a month at bars was normal and the expert said she's have to see if there was also food purchased at these establishments. Now my side asked for this evaluation, so you have to be careful what you wish for. He's a good liar and he totally portrayed himself as a victim to this counselor. The poor father who has been estranged from his son.

-when he testified he said yes his bank records showed he visited bars but that the date they cleared weren't the days he was there. My atty pointed out that there were enough weekly visits that most of them would have happens during weeknights he was driving with DS. He also was asked to name the woman who he now lived with. He said he didn't want to give her name for fear of retaliation and stalking. I'm assuming that was a dig toward me because I researched OW#1, and although I never contacted that person I did find out a lot about her and he knew it. He's a total NPD do of course he needs to paint me as the crazy one.

-my best friend was called from my side to give testimony as to how he spent most nights during my pregnancy and after DS' birth at happy hour. How she witnessed him intoxicated on a night he brought the baby home. She spoke about how he wasn't around after DS' birth and that he was prone to violent outburst while intoxicated. She also mentioned several car accidents he had where he wasn't cited for DUI but he had been drinking at the time.

-I think my testimony was strong. I stated that I left town when he informed me he wouldn't be helping financially. I said these are the circumstances under which out marriage ended and I trusted him to help me with the baby. His only involvement was to pick him up from daycare and bring him to me. I said he was intoxicated and stumbled in the house holding the baby and I confronted him about it. I asked his parents to not let him drive with the baby if they noticed he had been drinking. I said I told everyone who would listen: friends, family, my counselor. I said that I wanted him to be with his son but I have concerns that if he picks him up 1.5 hours away on a Friday at 7pm, how am I to know he didn't just come from happy hour?

Other things happened. His counsel was unprepared and tried to go through my bank statements to find bar tabs. I said if I had been to a bar in the last few months, I wasn't driving my child later that night. That the issue is that he has driven while intoxicated with our child.

So we never got to closing arguments and our attorneys have to schedule 1 hour for closing arguments and to get TE final judgement.

When the judge dismissed us he said everything stays the same for now. STBX said "even supervised visitation?" And the judge says, "it stays the same unless she agrees otherwise. Whatever she decides." As he pointed to me. I said
, "no, we continue with supervised visits."

STBX was pissed. He thought the counselors evaluation was his free pass. He also said out loud to his attorney, "should I give her the August child support payment now?" And his attorney was really nasty and said "no, you have until the 31st, give it to her then."

He has paid a total of $1025 since the baby was born. His bar tabs in the 6 months after the baby was born was around $4k. He said he was paying for meals for his girlfriend and her son too. That was nice to hear too. Glad someone's child was getting fed.

So that's how it went. Still time to wish us luck.

Sorry for typos, written on iphone.


Me: BS 36
Him: WS 37
14 month old DS
Married 5 years, together 8, DIVORCING!!! (taking forever)
DDay: 3/1/13 (4 Month PA while I was pregnant)
Sometimes all you have to do is forget what you feel and remember what you deserve.

Posts: 374 | Registered: Apr 2013
Topic Posts: 23
Pages: 1 · 2

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