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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: No contact really is key
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 9:00 AM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have not had to have any contact with x for 8 whole days. I have been posting about how much better I am feeling since D. I have been consistently, every day a bit better, calmer, happier.

Until this morning...text, "I am coming to the house to split the wood and take it today and tomorrow".

I said "no, you have had 8 months to do this. Remove it and split it elsewhere. You left me a huge mess the last time and I do not want you at my house. We are divorced."

He responded that the wood will be my next two months alimony.

I can't describe the anxiety attack. The racing heart, the light headedness, the naseau. Then the anger that I still react like this.

No contact, it will save you. What a clear example for me.


"So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key"

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

Divor


Posts: 1427 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
ChangeMaker
♂ Member
Member # 43899
Default  Posted: 9:05 AM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Can,

I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure firewood as currency was not in the agreement.

Make sure to take appropriate action when he defaults on alimony.

If it were me, I'd give that firewood away or have the mother of all bonfires.


"Everything works if you let it." - Travis W. Redfish

DDay - June 7, 2014
Me - 43
WW - 41
DD - 6 and 3
Pulling the Plug


Posts: 358 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Ontario
cantaccept
♀ Member
Member # 37451
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Change,

That is exactly what I told myself about the threats to not pay. He is bluffing but if he is not I have the power. He does not have power over me anymore.

He sure tried though! He still wants to control. I have been asking him to remove the wood for 8 months, it was a disaster, strewn about the yard with chips and sawdust everywhere. My son and I cleaned it all, stacked it neatly and filled 30 bags with debris.

He has been emailing and calling me since D. I have just ignored it, no response to the, "you were the best thing in my life" garbage.

I guess he needed to change tactics to get a response.

He cannot hurt me ever again. He has no control over me.

Damn, I sure do hate that the emotions are still so close to the surface.


"So often times it happens, that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key"

I would now like to be known as Can!

dday October 21,2012
dday December 20, 2013
wh boots5050
attempted R, it was all a lie

Divor


Posts: 1427 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: Connecticut
blakesteele
♂ Member
Member # 38044
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry he continues to be a source of pain for you. This is a clear statement he has no remorse over his actions and is actually quite comfortable acting in childish, selfish ways....just as he was while in his A, and most likely was for some time before he actually chose adultery.


Waywards LOVE the sense of control they falsely have....put much stock in that most of their lives. What they HATE is the reality that, while they control their choices, they have zero control over the very REAL consequences.

There is pain regardless of which path you take...key is to be able to process through that and choose healthy choices as you do.

You are doing well....keep the faith Can.

Peace.


ME: 42 BH, I don't PM female members
SHE: 38 EA
Married: 15 years
Together: 17 years
D/Day 9-10-12
NC: 10-25-12
NC: Broken early November 2012, OM not respond
2 girls; 7 and 10
Fear is payments on debts you have not

Posts: 4011 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Central Missouri
LoveHerStill
♂ Member
Member # 31504
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Cantaccept)))

NC really is the key. To any member struggling with NC, I will say it was THE single key thing that allowed healing to begin for me.

I played the game far too long thinking that XWW would see my care and love and return. I felt obligated to remain in contact because that's what a loving husband does, right?

It brought massive pain, every single time. I was subjecting myself to unneccessary pain. Finally, I listened to my IC and everyone else and began NC. I failed many times and XWW would not respect it, but finally it worked.

I cannot express how much my life and health improved after that. NC really is fundamental to the whole process!


Cantaccept, I know the feeling well, the pain resurfacing and the confusion setting back in. I am so sorry. My suggestion is to give him two weeks to get the wood and everything else off your property then just use the wood and get rid of everything else. He has had plenty of time and no judge is going to back him for leaving it for so long or award him any monetary value for it.

I wish I could meet him by the woodpile and straighten him out on a few things.

Peace to you.


Me BH-45
Her WW-44
Married-20yrs
Together-26yrs
D-Day 4/11/10
Divorced 9/13/2010
XWW Married OM 5/23/2011

There is hope. Once you truly commit to focusing on yourself and letting go, it comes back, and you will appreciate it like never before.


Posts: 494 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Seattle, WA
Topic Posts: 5

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