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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Article.
myeverafter
Member
Member # 41012
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This stabs my heart. A friend posted a link to this on Facebook.

I don't know what to think about it.

(Is it ok to post a link?)

http://elitedaily.com/dating/gentlemen/8-reasons-real-men-dont-cheat/708215/?utm_source=huffingtonpost.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=pubexchange_facebook


Me - BW 35
Him - fWH 37
D-Day: 7/13
2 yr EA; 8 mo PA.

Posts: 86 | Registered: Oct 2013
Wodnships
Member
Member # 42750
Default  Posted: 11:51 AM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My first thought reading through it is what a sexist article. You could replace "Real Man" with respectful person. But instead the article chose to attack men. Most of the points are valid, although there are one or two that are obviously ignoring possible nuances in a relationship, but when articles like that single out men it really gets under my skin.


me: BH 35
Her: WW 28

Married 4 years. Dating 8. Living together 7.

If a man took his time on earth
to prove be for he died
what on man's life could be worth
I wonder what would happen to the world

- Harry Chapin


Posts: 468 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: California
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 12:52 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah dude, it has to be other people and not some self-righteous asshole vibe you're giving off.

eta:

^ uh, directed at the article.

[This message edited by StillGoing at 12:52 PM, August 14th (Thursday)]


ďFate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.Ē

Posts: 7439 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Wodnships
Member
Member # 42750
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hahaha I first read that directed at me and I was floored. Then I finished and laughed.


me: BH 35
Her: WW 28

Married 4 years. Dating 8. Living together 7.

If a man took his time on earth
to prove be for he died
what on man's life could be worth
I wonder what would happen to the world

- Harry Chapin


Posts: 468 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: California
yme32313
♀ Member
Member # 42091
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Interesting article... But really the author has no idea what he's writing. But I agree it should say respectful person.


Me: 31
H: 55
Dated: Aug. 2003 M: Mar. 2013
Cheated: While dating

Posts: 179 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New Mexico
LumpyLola
♀ Member
Member # 44330
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought the article was rather good. Perhaps he's targeting men mainly because there ARE gender differences and contrasts in the way men and women handle loyalty issues.

I'm sure there are a few articles about infidelity around that will also slant toward women in particular, but I'm not seeing either as sexist.


Posts: 70 | Registered: Aug 2014 | From: Chicago
Wodnships
Member
Member # 42750
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@lola

You are right there are gender differences. But what about this article do you feel only pertains to men? I'm not being argumentative just trying to understand your view point.


me: BH 35
Her: WW 28

Married 4 years. Dating 8. Living together 7.

If a man took his time on earth
to prove be for he died
what on man's life could be worth
I wonder what would happen to the world

- Harry Chapin


Posts: 468 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: California
LumpyLola
♀ Member
Member # 44330
Default  Posted: 6:05 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I suppose the word "person" could be used interchangeably in there, but I feel the author was simply using the angle he was most familiar with - being that he was a man. It also sounded to me like he was speaking for other men too, that he perhaps associated with other men who had also cheated on women and had similar consequences.

In all, it just seemed like a friendly warning from one guy to another.


Posts: 70 | Registered: Aug 2014 | From: Chicago
StillGoing
♂ Member
Member # 28571
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hahaha I first read that directed at me and I was floored. Then I finished and laughed.

Haha, sorry. I looked at it after I wrote it and though "fuck me, that looks really bad."

I thought the article was rather good. Perhaps he's targeting men mainly because there ARE gender differences and contrasts in the way men and women handle loyalty issues.

I'm sure there are a few articles about infidelity around that will also slant toward women in particular, but I'm not seeing either as sexist.

While I disagree that there are gender differences in loyalty issues, there are other problems at work in this article. The opener:

Iím rather pissed off at all you stupid boys, parading about like actual men. In fact, you recently cost me a potentially promising relationship. Because youíve managed to cheat on so many women and break their trust, there seem to be very few women left who are willing to trust another man.

This guy is talking about how awesome he is while shitting on cheating men - men, there is no mention of cheating women - because he thinks it cost him a relationship.

Well bullshit. There are plenty of betrayed women here on this very site who go on to happy relationships. So, what, did he run into one of the women who dated 6 guys who cheated in a row? Did she pre-emptively end the relationship because she's scared he'll cheat?

Well that poor, weak, terrified little woman. Too afeared of the mens to be comforted by his strong, loyal manliness.

When he opens with "You assholes fucked this up for me" he's saying several things. He's saying that he's loyal because he's looking for a payoff and that got fucked up, and that women are fragile little things that can't put on their big girl panties and deal with life. There are a few, no doubt, but if it's such a recurring problem with this guy that he needs to found an entire fucking article on it then I really believe he has something wrong with his picker, or he's just an asshole and she got sick of it. That Nice Guy thing, I think this is it.

THis horse shit:

We usually hear about women having trouble controlling their emotions. Truth be told, men are much worse. While women have the intelligence to share their feelings and discuss their problems (most of the time), men like to keep it bottled up.

Until, of course, they canít take it any longer and explode. When something goes wrong in a relationship, women may very well cry, they may complain, they may throw tantrums or give you the silent treatment, but men Ė weak men Ė pretend like they feel nothing.

There is a distinction between Real Men and Weak Men, but All Women Are Emotional Basket Cases Except For When They're Strong And Sharing Feelings. Apparently All Women Throw Tantrums or behave like spoiled children giving the silent treatment, but REAL MENZ can overcome the Lets Fuck Things Up hurdle by being REAL MENZ. He actually said tantrums there. I mean other than the rest of his overly simplistic bullshit, that's an interesting word to apply to half the world population.

Later on when he's talking about respect, he says:

To cheat is to act as if youíre better than she is and the fact is that you arenít. Break her trust and you will never really get her back. I had to learn this the hard way.

Well, sure. But what does this MEAN exactly, since he said up at the beginning where he was all REAL MENZ:

I have never before cheated on a woman in my life, nor will I ever do so. Unfortunately, very few women seem to believe me. Iím sure Iím not the only man who has come across a similar problem.

Well no fucking wonder they have a problem believing you buddy. When you say shit like that it's conflicting information. So did he cheat and learn the hard way, or did he do something else, and he just tacked that on the end of the cheating comment to give it some kind of implied weight? Or maybe he arranged it in such a way as to make himself look like REAL MENZ early on so as to generate enough reader sympathy that shit like

Break her trust and you will never really get her back. I had to learn this the hard way.

gets an understanding nod instead of a WTF head tilt.

Then:

To be fair, real men would never hurt any woman, but especially not the woman they understand as being an extension of themselves.

Extension is somehow not objectification in his head. Apparently he's formed a symbiotic relationship with his female mates and they are extensions of EACH OTHER. All Star Trek and shit. We should hook this guy up with Tasha Yar.

The thing about this article is that a lot of it is common sense stuff that we all agree with. I agree with a lot of the basic concepts. It's hard to think of anyone that wouldn't and isn't openly a self-serving asshole cheerfully sailing through life not giving a flying fuck about what others think. In which case this article is pointless because the target demographic doesn't give a fuck.

Strip out the common sense stuff and the shit he says is fucking creepy. The language he uses is condescending, absolutist and massively self promoting, as well as repeatedly shifting responsibility onto others - it's not his fault she's fucked up, it was the dude before him. it's not his fault she can't trust him, it's the dude before him. If he ends up stabbing some chick in an alley I can't help but think that it wouldn't be his fault he stabbed her, she shouldn't have dressed like that.

On top of all that, the gender slant DOES piss me off. When I read an article slanted to "All you whores fucked things up for us REAL WIMMINZ" I look at it and think "No, you're just a crazy bitch too." This guy just sets off all kinds of warning signs. Self promoting, blame shifting, gender diminishment, generalization. Not the kind of qualities most Real Men really aim for, IMO.

All the emo I unloaded there was aimed at the author of the article, not any poster here. I guess I'm just... not.. EMOTIONALLY STABLE ENOUGH TO BE REAL MENZ


ďFate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.Ē

Posts: 7439 | Registered: May 2010 | From: USA
Topic Posts: 9

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