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Reconciliation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Mood Swings & Timeline of Recovery
Mac4
♂ Member
Member # 43122
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. My moods have been up and down like a yo-yo. I'm optimistic for the future, and feel good about us. Then the sky is falling, I don't know why we can't reconnect and I'm thinking about D.

I came across something 1Faith shared with me early on, and I looked at 6-9 months below, describes my experience perfectly. Thought the timeline might be helfpul for others as well. 1 Faith I hope you don't mind me sharing and THANK YOU.


"General Timeline of Recovery
Good timeline I found on another site...Hope this helps..
Q: How Long Will It Take Me To Heal From This?

A: There is no set time line. On the average it's 1-2 years to heal from betrayal. 3-5 years is not out of the norm.

Below is a general guide, not everyone heals in the same amount of time as others, there are variables to consider in each individual's situation. It's a rollercoaster ride, emotionally and physically, but I promise you - you can and will survive. But, you will never be the same and that's not always a bad thing.

D-day to 6 months is devastation; you're done with life, in shock and sick at heart. You are raw emotionally and never knew such despair could be felt.

6-9 months are full of mood swings from "it's going to be okay" to "Why am I even trying." Your thoughts are emotion driven and not dependable.

9-12 months you can actually go about 15 minutes without thinking about "it." One morning I stepped out of the shower and realized that I hadn't thought of the affair yet. But sadly, those times were few and far between. You're still up and down emotionally.

Then at 12 months, sobbing again with the disappointment in your spouses selfishness

14 months you are able to have a heartfelt happy moment.

18 months the incredible crush of despair is gone. You wake up one morning and realize that the A was something that happened, not something that is happening.

20 months you no longer feel like your world is in danger. Trusting again, with your heart if not with your brain. Constantly questioning your own feelings but you realize it is fear stalking you now, not danger.

22 months you can see a future. You don't cry at the drop of a hat. You can watch television without falling apart at a love scene. Actually feeling almost back to your normal self. You finally loose that sense of being "outside" yourself.

The phases can trick you, you think you're doing great at five weeks and then you hit the bottom of the well at 12 weeks. You can be raging at 10 months with a horrible anger that never appeared early on.

One day at a time...keep moving.... "


BS me 41
WW 42
Married 11 years
R for now I guess
DD 9 & DS 8
DDay 2 (PA) - March 3rd, 2014
DDay 1 (EA) - July 2nd, 2011

Posts: 119 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
veronique12
♀ Member
Member # 42185
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think the overall theme is how up and down our emotions can be, even years after Dday. I know we all want to think of being "recovered" as just that--fixed, all better, done. But I'm not sure it works that way. We will always carry the pain with us. It will just have less and less control over us as time passes.

It is good to hear others' experiences. It helps us realize that there isn't anything "wrong" with us.


BW: me (38)
WH: 43
OW: false "friend"
D-Day: 11/29/13 (4 month EA discovered); 12/19/13 (discovered was also PA); TT thru 2/14
Married: 2001; Together for nearly 20 years
2 beautiful young kids

Posts: 571 | Registered: Jan 2014
Toffie
♀ New Member
Member # 44463
Default  Posted: 6:28 AM, August 15th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the post I am at 8 months and experiencing exactly what it says, gives me hope I am not going to stay like this forever :)


BW 37
WH 39
Married 12yrs
3 children under 10

DD 18/01/14


Posts: 43 | Registered: Aug 2014 | From: Australia
AFrayedKnot
♂ Member
Member # 36622
Default  Posted: 11:34 AM, August 15th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Those numbers seem a little conservative for me. I don't know if it was the multiple A's or the months of TT. for me I would double those time frames but the path sounds about spot on.

It does get easier.


BS 40
fWS 37 (SurprisinglyOkay)
DD DS
A whole bunch of shit that got a lot worse before it got better.
"Knowing is half the battle"

Posts: 2670 | Registered: Aug 2012
Mac4
♂ Member
Member # 43122
Default  Posted: 12:11 PM, August 15th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

veronique12 you are right as much as it sucks to be an SI club member, to me there seems to be comfort in knowing that I am not alone in my experience and emotions. And by coming here I can find how others braved this storm.

Toffie, we will heal (I still hope) but as AFrayeKnot added, even this time line is too conservative for some.


BS me 41
WW 42
Married 11 years
R for now I guess
DD 9 & DS 8
DDay 2 (PA) - March 3rd, 2014
DDay 1 (EA) - July 2nd, 2011

Posts: 119 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 5

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