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Reconciliation     Print Topic    
User Topic: A Warning to WSs on the fence
steppingup
♂ Member
Member # 42650
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just a friendly warning to WSs who are on the fence about who they want to be with. The BS or AP?

As someone who has been asked to live in the F..kedupness of the "pick me" dance for over 5 months. I have to warn you, that if you insist on putting your BS through that bull crap, he/she migth as I have come eventually to the realization that we no longer can give a F...K about having our name in your hat and simply give up completely on the marriage because you cannot make up your precious mind.

I know its hard to leave the fun and thrill of the affair and how the AP really "knows you" and "gets you" and the "chemisty" and all that.

Yes I get it.

But you really should take good care to examen the real value in your marriage partner before asking them to go into the "pick me dance" bacause that SHIT is Lethal.

I had a real love, and unconditional love for my serial cheating wife...and she killed it.

Consider this thoughtfully befor you put your BS into what I will now coin, "The Lethal Dance of Pick Me".

Regards, Step.


Her (WW 40s) Me (BH, 40s) very young DS & DD

“Whatever follows after DD is much more crucial than the infidelity action itself” Quote by SI Member Melian40

"I'm a good man, not an option" - Steppingup


Posts: 505 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: CALI
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know you've been through a lot of pain, but you sound like you've learned pretty quickly the crucial lesson that you're not a contestant; you're the prize.

That bodes well for your future. I'm sorry your STBXW didn't see that, though.

(((stepping up)))

[This message edited by sisoon at 1:22 PM, August 14th (Thursday)]


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10383 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know the feeling. She made me do the "pick me dance" for a year and a half. So I was picked. YAY me! But what she got is someone who is permanently scared, damaged and will probably never love her the same ever. Oh and add to that some pretty bad days of depression. It all comes back to bite you!


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1397 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
steppingup
♂ Member
Member # 42650
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

damaged and will probably never love her the same ever

Yes, that is my deep fear and I dont want to live the next 14 years of my life like I have lived the last 14 years of my life, wondering if she will cheat again and having to play the marriage cop expecting the worst instead of expecting the best!


Her (WW 40s) Me (BH, 40s) very young DS & DD

“Whatever follows after DD is much more crucial than the infidelity action itself” Quote by SI Member Melian40

"I'm a good man, not an option" - Steppingup


Posts: 505 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: CALI
2married2quit
♂ Member
Member # 36555
Default  Posted: 3:38 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wondering if she will cheat again and having to play the marriage cop expecting the worst instead of expecting the best!

well if you successfully R, you shouldn't have to live in anxiety. I mean, be vigilant, but not crazy vigilant.


BS - Me 43 WS - Her 41
DDAY - June 2012 (found the texts)
DDAY2 - Next Day (found out who) EA
TT- till 9/2012 (some PA)
Married 20yrs. 2kids
Status: in careful R. Sometimes spinning our wheels

Posts: 1397 | Registered: Aug 2012 | From: USA
authenticnow
♀ Moderator
Member # 16024
Red  Posted: 4:38 PM, August 14th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please use the duplicate thread in General.

Steppingup, You have a PM.


Take up your space (and do it well).

"That's the thing about pain, it demands to be felt."


Posts: 38064 | Registered: Sep 2007
Topic Posts: 6

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