My BS grew up bare footing, slalom and skiing with his Dad and has always wanted our kids to learn.
Years before my A, when our DS was 6 months old, we lived in the South and our daughters were 5 and 6 years old. The closest lake to us was 2 hours from house to in the water. At the time, my BH was working many weeks/day/nights away from us. He wanted something to relax on and re-live the days that brought so much joy to him as a child. Unfortunately, I did not grow up around boats and did not have the experience of driving and knowledge of pulling skiers. In addition to this, the boat was not kid friendly for our situation. I couldn't drive the boat for him to ski while holding a six month old and watching 5 and 6 year olds. He was very bitter and defeated on the day we had to sell the boat.
Fast forward to today, we now live up North closer to water (both a river and a few lakes). Shortly after DDay, my BS bought an extremely expensive ski boat. He stated that he was tired of giving a shit about how I felt with boats and bought our current boat. I was actually excited about the purchase, and over the past 2 years have actively supported him with teaching our DD to barefoot, even buying part of the barefoot boom with my own money. We always have enjoyed lake areas, but I have always admitted to him that I was a bit terrified of the local water because both places had their downfalls and would love to educate our family about these hazards so we could feel more comfortable. He also knows that sometimes he gets overly eager at trying out new things and overlooks safety. He's not intentionally doing it, but when I gently bring it up, he often gets defensive and angry about it. At the time, he agreed that this would be perfect way to help me feel more comfortable with boating. We both felt relieved that we had found a solution.
However, once the summer came, he never followed through with any of these plans. The river is large and filled with many HUGE boats that produce up to 4 foot wakes. I've worked hard to be comfortable with this, but even at times, he's admitted to scaring himself when out on the boat alone that he did not see the large waves in time.
It wasn't until after that happened that he finally agreed to steer clear of the the river on the weekends since it was too full of large boats and heavy drinkers, we'd learn the ropes during the week (which is when he is usually home from work anyway) and avoid the areas with high boat traffic.
Today, however, was a new area for us. This meant new anxiety for me because it is unknown. The lake that we went to this morning has areas of 2.5-4 foot water on most of the lake, but he wanted our DD to ski on it. My mom radar was waving HUGE flags and I begged him to tour the lake with the depth finder before we set out in order to feel more comfortable. He told me I didn't know what I was talking about basically went where I asked to "please" me and then said I must be PMSing (even though I never yelled or was angry, only concerned), the rest of the day he's been so angry, mad and now is clearly triggering.
I feel awful because the whole point of the last two boating trips were to give him days to relax. (I picked him up from work and had the boat ready to go, we spent all day yesterday on the river and then half of today on the lake).
I feel defeated. I don't know how to continue to ask him to help me feel safe on the boat when every time we go he gets frustrated and angry with my fear. This is something I want to be a part of with him, but it's going to take time.
What can I do to change? I keep doing everything wrong. I want this to be special between us like he does, but with realistic expectations.WW(me) 33
BS(him/Jt8d) 35 | Teaches me real, true unbroken love every day.
"Love comes when manipulation stops; when you think more about the other person than about his or her reactions to you. When you dare to reveal yourself fully." J. Brot