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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 22
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, August 18th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If I get too far away from the ocean I get sea sick.


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 780 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
MadeOfScars
♂ Member
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 9:41 PM, August 18th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LAME!!

In all seriousness, g2gs are life-changing in all the right ways. I am not spouting hyperbole, though I may be biased in that the Houston g2g came at a very critical point for me. Any Menz here who are even considering it, trust me - do it! If not Dallas, just get to one.


“Nothing more completely baffles one who is full of trick and duplicity, than straightforward and simple integrity in another.” ― Charles Caleb Colton

Posts: 1352 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
sunsetslost
♂ Member
Member # 39885
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, August 18th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, it's true MOS. 39 miles is my limit. It's my super power. It's totally useless for humanity but I've adapted. Blackened grouper helps. There are Docs on here. They'll be blown away by my bullshit


Divorced 7/11/14. New Beginning on the Gulf of Mexico. It's real nice.

Posts: 780 | Registered: Jul 2013 | From: The beach.
mhca
♂ Member
Member # 41920
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, August 18th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wonder if I'll get sea sick? Right now I live 20 feet from the ocean. When I sleep somewhere else it feels weird from the silence, no tides. I suspect we'll be putting this place up for sale pretty soon. In any event I don't want to live here: too painful.

Maybe Hawaii beckons?


Me: BH 47 STBXWW 47 (Lklb5)
M 19 years, DS 15, DS 11
DD#1: 12/24/2013
TT/Broke NC/False R
DD#2: 4/15/2014
TT 4/23, 4/24, 5/31, 7/19
Divorcing

Sample recovery plan, feedback welcome: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=539961


Posts: 852 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: California
Tred
♂ Member
Member # 34086
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Damn Menz! I go camping for the weekend with my son and y'all get all chatty. Had a great time with my son - two days of nothing but fishing from the pier. Caught some blue and spot, had a nice fish fry last night. Just the right amount. A beautiful weekend on the Chesapeake Bay.

And Losfer - great clock.

Sport - send the damn letter and then let it go. We can advise, but it seems like it is something you might need to do or else you wouldn't keep bringing it up. I know I'm in the minority on that topic, but I'm used to being wrong. Just whatever decision you make, own it.

DR - you are doing nicely since SDWB seems to be on thread starter hiatus. Bitch.


Married: 17 years (14 @JFO)
D-Day: 11/09/11
"Ohhhhh...shut up Tred!" - NOT the official SI motto (DS)

Posts: 4073 | Registered: Dec 2011
10yearsafter
♂ Member
Member # 43139
Default  Posted: 7:53 AM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sh*t I live in DFW. I didn't even know about it. I hate the State Fair or as we call it 'round these parts (Fiesta de Tejas). But to actually meet you guys and talk in person would be worth going. I gonna ponder it and get back with you.

Posts: 269 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: Texas
WornDown
♂ Member
Member # 37977
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Took the first step in the long journey. Met with my lawyer today.

Now to start gathering the documentation about our lives ($/property) and then the fun (settlement negotiations) begins.


Me: BH (43)
WW (43): Way to many guys to count
Three kids (D17, D15, S13)
Together 24 years, married 18

I held on to the dream of marriage for WAAAY too long.


Posts: 79 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Around the Block a few times
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great first step WornDown. Its a tedious process but as you get closer to filling out all of the required paperwork garbage and the actual filing there is a definite sense of relief. Try not to get caught up in the back and forth drama that may ensue, that's what your lawyer is there for. From here on out its purely business.

One step at a time.


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 1032 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
MadeOfScars
♂ Member
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 3:06 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

From here on out its purely business.

I know in the case of my D process, it seemed surreal to keep any contact with my now xWW to as few words as possible and remain completely professional. I'm not that cold and emotionless in my actual business dealings. That all said, I knew it was the only way to handle it. Go home and scream at the walls, punch the punching bag, go for a run, have a drink. Do whatever you gotta do to release that emotion when she's NOT around, and remember that when things get heated, that's why you have a lawyer. You got this WornDown, and we're also here for you as you walk this journey to a new beginning.

[This message edited by MadeOfScars at 3:08 PM, August 19th (Tuesday)]


“Nothing more completely baffles one who is full of trick and duplicity, than straightforward and simple integrity in another.” ― Charles Caleb Colton

Posts: 1352 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
HurtingandLost
♂ Member
Member # 29322
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know in the case of my D process, it seemed surreal to keep any contact with my now xWW to as few words as possible and remain completely professional. I'm not that cold and emotionless in my actual business dealings.

MoS and WornDown. It's imperative in this process to do exactly that. Treat is as business. I learned the hard way of being a dumb fucking emotional wreck through my first divorce and gave away the farm. Ex manipulated me 16 ways til Sunday and I danced to the tune, thinking I was taking the high road.

WRONG. I just ended up in the gutter. This time around there will be no emotion with the process. I've staged it nicely providing stability for my younger three kids to have stable point A and stable point B (stbxw wanted to rent the 1st shithole she could sign a lease on I purchased a second home with a mortgage of less than 1/2 that rent instead). Aside from providing much needed stability to the kids, that purchase should lower support calculations as well. From here on out its business.

[This message edited by HurtingandLost at 3:16 PM, August 19th (Tuesday)]


36 BH
Sons 16 and 8 Daughters 11, 7, 5.
Ex and STBX both cheated, thinking of getting a dog as a companion after D. At least they're loyal.

Posts: 1032 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: MidWest
MadeOfScars
♂ Member
Member # 42231
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with you H&L, and while I wish you weren't going through this a second time, it very much reads like you learned, so thanks for sharing your experience here. I still don't know how I did it, but its almost like she flipped a switch in my brain. The second my xWW took reconciliation off the table, I went to work. I gave her next to nothing. Granted, no living children in the mix in my case, but still, I don't know if she even realized how big I "won" if you want to call it that. I kept my digital paper trail, worked with my lawyer, and didn't volunteer ANYTHING I didn't have to. The communication my xWW had to have was much more her going on and on about this or that (a few times taking to friendly chatter like, you know, she wasn't a cheating whore who I was divorcing) while I primarily kept to "yes," "no," or "I'll defer to my lawyer." As you can probably tell by my posts, I have a way of using 5 words where 1 will do. When it came to D though, like I said, switch flipped.

Yes. No. I'll defer to my lawyer. Pretty much my entire D vocabulary.


“Nothing more completely baffles one who is full of trick and duplicity, than straightforward and simple integrity in another.” ― Charles Caleb Colton

Posts: 1352 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: Texas
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 4:18 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gentlemen, D survivor myself.

Yes. No. I'll defer to my lawyer. Pretty much my entire D vocabulary

Pure gold. NEVER negotiate from an emotional point. Believe me, your lawyer is being well compensated to carry your load.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 3160 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Montreal
♂ Member
Member # 40627
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why does this have to be so hard? Why do they have to be so fucking stupid? Things were going well between us, much better than before. We seem to be making progress we had a good MC and therapy seem to be really helping us. But then I just found out that she went and got her haircut at a house right on the same street as POSOM. Not her fault, she got the appointment through a friend and only found out afterwards where the haircut was going to be done. The correct thing to do would have been to tell me right? And we could have worked out some contingency plan to make sure that my anxiety is soothed. But noooo... She was too afraid, two defensive, too stressed out.

I don't believe for a second that anything happened but dammit why couldn't she just tell me before going? Why, after more than a year, am I still putting up with this shit?

After everything that has happened we might be done because of a fucking hairdresser. Unbelievable. When they don't get it, they just don't get it.

[This message edited by Montreal at 4:26 PM, August 19th (Tuesday)]


DDay: July 6, 2013
Trying.

Posts: 95 | Registered: Sep 2013
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When they don't get it, they just don't get it.

Is she learning though? Throughout the R process, you're going to hit bumps. Some bigger than others. Sometimes the whole road is so bumpy that it's not worth driving.

Strength.

BTW, nice *catch* on SWAT's thread. LOL. I gave different advice to him because it seemed obvious that he is desperately seeking R. I don't think he is one who can *wait*. Just IMHO.


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 3160 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
Montreal
♂ Member
Member # 40627
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She does seem to be learning I will give her that. But Christ... How fucking long is it going to take her?

Somebody once said to me on this site that it's a race between the WS getting it and the BS giving up. I'm running out of the race track.

As for SWAT and that thread I always figure it's good to defer to WAL!


DDay: July 6, 2013
Trying.

Posts: 95 | Registered: Sep 2013
5454real
♂ Member
Member # 37455
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

8 fucking months of *I'm sorry*, *I can't believe I did this*, all words, yada, yada, yada. Then she actually began to *do* things. Took proactive steps. She still stumbles sometimes and sometimes I still trigger at the weirdest shit, but at 2 1/2 years post D-day, I can *see* light at the end of the tunnel. Pretty sure it's not an oncoming train either.

My bestest most saving thing I did was work on me. It's why I'm so adamant about the 180, even with a remorseful spouse. Not all of it needs to be implemented, but until I found me(Yea, WAL advice) I was pretty damned hopeless. Find something outside of the M, WW and kids. Something that is just yours.

3rd M anniversary since D-Day was Friday. Didn't really celebrate, but didn't dismiss it completely either. Every time I would think about 11 years together, I got the *yea, but....* thought running counterpoint. Definite improvement over the previous 2, but still kind of sucky. Yea, I know and have been advised, TIME! Fucking four letter words!

ETA Strength bro!

[This message edited by 5454real at 4:53 PM, August 19th (Tuesday)]


BH 51, WW 42
DS 23(Mine),SD 21,SS 20(Hers),DS 9 Ours, DGS 3, DGD 1 mo
D=Day #1 5/04EA (Rugswept)
D-Day #2 3/10/12, TT til 3/13/12
Married 10yrs
“I have no love for a friend who loves in words alone.”
― Sophocles, Antigone

Posts: 3160 | Registered: Nov 2012 | From: midwest
DefiledRage
♂ Member
Member # 39292
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry about the unicorn fellas, though I still think its the perfect representation of the diluted false image created in that tattered tinsel pom pom our ww's call a brain.

it's a race between the WS getting it and the BS giving up

one step forward, two steps back. Logically I understand I can't expect her to fix everything that entails her fuckupedness as a whole overnight. But I too get impatient with how slow the process is.

Example about 4 weeks ago, she started spouting off about another BH who ended up in the news after briefly considering out loud in front of his ww about solving the posers problems for him in a swift manner (I mean who hasn't been there if for a least for nanosecond before thinking better of it). Nothing came of it and his ww brought it public, staged a very public confrontation and turned the whole thing around to make him look like he was losing it. Anyway I digress, about lost it when my ww started spouting off about the BH. Like she has no understanding of the situation, the ww must have been unhappy and is the victim of everything here, yadda yadda yadda. Everyone in the community knows the ww is about two poorly firing nuerons away from a straight jacket. Almost lost it in front of people that have no idea about our own situation. I was shocked and extremely hurt by what she was saying, she SHOULD have know better.

two steps back....

Then last week she ended up having to work later than normal, in a circumstance that she knew would send me triggering into my impression of The Scream. She went to great lengths to provide evidence that she really was at work up to the minute.

one step forward.


M:14yrs
Dday 1 EA 7/8/2010
Dday 2 PA 3/1/2013 same OMM for 4yrs

Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."


Posts: 577 | Registered: May 2013 | From: Two blocks from south shit and west hell
dadof4
♂ Member
Member # 25534
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gonna thread-jack here boys. Went out to Cape Ann marina today. You know home of Nat- Geo's Wicked Tuna? They are filming next weeks episode. Helicopter and all the Gloucester and Rye n.h. Boys playing reality tv. Anyway we head out on or boat (4 boats in all) and only catch one fish. A 38 in striper. Anyway as they say a bad day fishing is better than a good day at work. First day in a fucking long time I wasn't thinking of anything infidelity. Amazing what the sea can do for ones mental state.


Me 52(BH)
Her 46 (FWW)
Kids-24,22,18,15
Married 25 years.
D-Day Sept 12 2009
LTA=4 years

Reconciling.


Posts: 308 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: New Hampshire
WearingTheHorns
♂ Member
Member # 37916
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So today less than five minutes after I sit down to unwind after getting home from work, WW says,
"Guess what I did today? I said no to going on a cruise."
I asked why figuring it was she had a strong suspicion that it would be I'd D her ass.
"Because we'd leave Dec 10."
"And you said no because we go on our family cruise two weeks later?"
"No, because I'd miss your birthday."

Seems her bestie and another friend who's having health problems decided to go. With the sick friend it's the potential "last hurrah". Now I'm pretty sure if it was leaving a month earlier she'd probably have said yes and figured out how to get around me with it later. The cruise she went on last year with her bestie she was gone Thanksgiving and didn't bat an eye at the fact no one was happy about it, so why would my birthday be a big stopper? Call me cynical but I think she's trying to play it smart by forewarning me this time instead of going behind my back like she did with the cruise a few months ago. I fully expect she'll play the friend's "last hurrah" angle because she'll be able to play the martyr by having said no before, but now, well she'll just HAVE to go. I could be wrong and hope I am. But if I'm not, you read it here first.


Dday: over a period of three days 11/14-16/2012.
EA/PA: ~ 2 1/2 years
EA/beginning PA: ~ 10 months

"What God has joined together, let man... no man put asunder" -Pastor at our wedding concluding the ceremony

2 Cor 12:9-10


Posts: 293 | Registered: Dec 2012
toonces
♂ Member
Member # 25949
Default  Posted: 10:44 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

a little levity for the day.

Hot Crazy Matrix - A Man's Guide to Women

http://www.flixxy.com/hot-crazy-matrix-a-mans-guide-to-women.htm


Me - BS
Her - WS
affair length - 6 months with MM
married since 7/92
d-day 4/2002
NC violated 4/02, 6/02, 8/02

Posts: 136 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Massachusetts
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