In all seriousness, g2gs are life-changing in all the right ways. I am not spouting hyperbole, though I may be biased in that the Houston g2g came at a very critical point for me. Any Menz here who are even considering it, trust me - do it! If not Dallas, just get to one.
Maybe Hawaii beckons?
Sample recovery plan, feedback welcome: http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=539961
And Losfer - great clock.
Sport - send the damn letter and then let it go. We can advise, but it seems like it is something you might need to do or else you wouldn't keep bringing it up. I know I'm in the minority on that topic, but I'm used to being wrong. Just whatever decision you make, own it.
DR - you are doing nicely since SDWB seems to be on thread starter hiatus. Bitch.
Now to start gathering the documentation about our lives ($/property) and then the fun (settlement negotiations) begins.
I held on to the dream of marriage for WAAAY too long.
One step at a time.
From here on out its purely business.
I know in the case of my D process, it seemed surreal to keep any contact with my now xWW to as few words as possible and remain completely professional. I'm not that cold and emotionless in my actual business dealings. That all said, I knew it was the only way to handle it. Go home and scream at the walls, punch the punching bag, go for a run, have a drink. Do whatever you gotta do to release that emotion when she's NOT around, and remember that when things get heated, that's why you have a lawyer. You got this WornDown, and we're also here for you as you walk this journey to a new beginning.
[This message edited by MadeOfScars at 3:08 PM, August 19th (Tuesday)]
I know in the case of my D process, it seemed surreal to keep any contact with my now xWW to as few words as possible and remain completely professional. I'm not that cold and emotionless in my actual business dealings.
MoS and WornDown. It's imperative in this process to do exactly that. Treat is as business. I learned the hard way of being a dumb fucking emotional wreck through my first divorce and gave away the farm. Ex manipulated me 16 ways til Sunday and I danced to the tune, thinking I was taking the high road.
WRONG. I just ended up in the gutter. This time around there will be no emotion with the process. I've staged it nicely providing stability for my younger three kids to have stable point A and stable point B (stbxw wanted to rent the 1st shithole she could sign a lease on I purchased a second home with a mortgage of less than 1/2 that rent instead). Aside from providing much needed stability to the kids, that purchase should lower support calculations as well. From here on out its business.
[This message edited by HurtingandLost at 3:16 PM, August 19th (Tuesday)]
Yes. No. I'll defer to my lawyer. Pretty much my entire D vocabulary.
Yes. No. I'll defer to my lawyer. Pretty much my entire D vocabulary
Pure gold. NEVER negotiate from an emotional point. Believe me, your lawyer is being well compensated to carry your load.
I don't believe for a second that anything happened but dammit why couldn't she just tell me before going? Why, after more than a year, am I still putting up with this shit?
After everything that has happened we might be done because of a fucking hairdresser. Unbelievable. When they don't get it, they just don't get it.
[This message edited by Montreal at 4:26 PM, August 19th (Tuesday)]
When they don't get it, they just don't get it.
Is she learning though? Throughout the R process, you're going to hit bumps. Some bigger than others. Sometimes the whole road is so bumpy that it's not worth driving.
BTW, nice *catch* on SWAT's thread. LOL. I gave different advice to him because it seemed obvious that he is desperately seeking R. I don't think he is one who can *wait*. Just IMHO.
Somebody once said to me on this site that it's a race between the WS getting it and the BS giving up. I'm running out of the race track.
As for SWAT and that thread I always figure it's good to defer to WAL!
My bestest most saving thing I did was work on me. It's why I'm so adamant about the 180, even with a remorseful spouse. Not all of it needs to be implemented, but until I found me(Yea, WAL advice) I was pretty damned hopeless. Find something outside of the M, WW and kids. Something that is just yours.
3rd M anniversary since D-Day was Friday. Didn't really celebrate, but didn't dismiss it completely either. Every time I would think about 11 years together, I got the *yea, but....* thought running counterpoint. Definite improvement over the previous 2, but still kind of sucky. Yea, I know and have been advised, TIME! Fucking four letter words!
ETA Strength bro!
[This message edited by 5454real at 4:53 PM, August 19th (Tuesday)]
it's a race between the WS getting it and the BS giving up
one step forward, two steps back. Logically I understand I can't expect her to fix everything that entails her fuckupedness as a whole overnight. But I too get impatient with how slow the process is.
Example about 4 weeks ago, she started spouting off about another BH who ended up in the news after briefly considering out loud in front of his ww about solving the posers problems for him in a swift manner (I mean who hasn't been there if for a least for nanosecond before thinking better of it). Nothing came of it and his ww brought it public, staged a very public confrontation and turned the whole thing around to make him look like he was losing it. Anyway I digress, about lost it when my ww started spouting off about the BH. Like she has no understanding of the situation, the ww must have been unhappy and is the victim of everything here, yadda yadda yadda. Everyone in the community knows the ww is about two poorly firing nuerons away from a straight jacket. Almost lost it in front of people that have no idea about our own situation. I was shocked and extremely hurt by what she was saying, she SHOULD have know better.
two steps back....
Then last week she ended up having to work later than normal, in a circumstance that she knew would send me triggering into my impression of The Scream. She went to great lengths to provide evidence that she really was at work up to the minute.
one step forward.
Mister rabbit says, "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers."
Seems her bestie and another friend who's having health problems decided to go. With the sick friend it's the potential "last hurrah". Now I'm pretty sure if it was leaving a month earlier she'd probably have said yes and figured out how to get around me with it later. The cruise she went on last year with her bestie she was gone Thanksgiving and didn't bat an eye at the fact no one was happy about it, so why would my birthday be a big stopper? Call me cynical but I think she's trying to play it smart by forewarning me this time instead of going behind my back like she did with the cruise a few months ago. I fully expect she'll play the friend's "last hurrah" angle because she'll be able to play the martyr by having said no before, but now, well she'll just HAVE to go. I could be wrong and hope I am. But if I'm not, you read it here first.
"What God has joined together, let man... no man put asunder" -Pastor at our wedding concluding the ceremony
2 Cor 12:9-10
Hot Crazy Matrix - A Man's Guide to Women