Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: feelostandlonely (45327)

Off Topic Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Fearing Death...and then not so much
knightsbff
♀ Member
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, August 18th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My mom got out of the hospital Saturday. She's living with me for a while to recover. My siblings and I threw a fit at her going home with her NPD/sociopath/crazy user husband because she waits on him and all the trash he drags in hand and foot. She needs to heal and rest. So I'm waiting on her hand and foot right now and I like it. I love my mom, and she has done so much for so many over the years that it's good to be able to pamper her and take care of her for a bit. The last time I was able to care for her a bit was in 2010 when we went through her treatment for breast CA. We actually enjoyed the extra time we were able to spend together traveling to her appointments and staying in hotels frequently. She handled it like a champ too. I don't think I would be as brave as she has.

Anyway NIK's post about the loss of her parents got me thinking again. With the massive DVT last week the possibility of losing my mom became too real. She's 71, and she's pretty active although she has slowed down quite a bit this week. When the thoughts come that one day my parents will die I almost can't stand it. I push it from my mind immediately because I get the feeling I can't breathe. Is this normal?

Shortly before and then for at least a year after d-day I had a very strong and persistent fear of my own death. I was kind of perseverating on it. I had suicidal thoughts a few times too. But I was truly afraid to die. I feared driving, walking along a roadway, flying, even medications. I think it was because I had done something so incredibly evil I was certain I'd be dragged straight to hell. Until writing this post I didn't realize the fear had gone. I guess I'm feeling better about myself. I still feel I have a ton to improve about myself but I'm feeling more comfortable knowing that I'm trying every day to be a better person and show love to my BH, family, and others by my actions.

Sorry for the ramble...


FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

I edit often because I make a lot of typos. ☺️


Posts: 1499 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
Pentup
♀ Member
Member # 20563
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, August 18th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Knightsbff))))
I don't want to die, but I'm not afraid to die. I do not want to suffer. I've lost my Mom. The idea of something happening to my Dad makes me cry just thinking it. Several of my grandparents lived to be quite old, yet my parents told me that it still hurt more than they expected because it is so final and you realize that you are orphaned.

I guess I am trying to say it is scary and sad at any age. Enjoy the time with your Mom. When that day comes,you will be able to handle it and you will miss her, but you will also remember the good times. And to me, that legacy becomes ever more important. That is what I focus on now as I live my life. What so I want to remember 20 years from now? What do I want others to remember about me? It changes some of my day to day decisions.

Sorry for the ramble, but I think I get where you are coming from. Hugs


Me- BS
Him- FWS (I hope- F)

Posts: 6605 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Not Oz
Crushed1
♀ Member
Member # 6449
Default  Posted: 10:58 PM, August 18th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((knightsbff)))


~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
~STRENGTH~PEACE~HOPE~FAITH

Posts: 9746 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Texas
Kajem
♀ Member
Member # 36134
Default  Posted: 3:21 AM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((knightsbff))))))))


I trust you is a better compliment than I love you, because you may not trust the person you love, but you can always love the person you trust. - Unknown
Relationships are like sharing a book, it doesn't work if you're not on the same page.

Posts: 5259 | Registered: Jul 2012 | From: Florida
Lucky2HaveMe
♀ Member
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 6:31 AM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I live in Bills country - Our quarterback of the century is battling cancer. His whole family has been so uplifting - I'm sharing this GREAT read - written by his daughter.

http://www.jillk.org/journal/2014/08/10/im-not-afraid-to-die/

{{{{{{{}}}}}}}


Indian wisdom says our lives are rivers. We are born somewhere small and quiet and we move toward a place we cannot see, but only imagine. From Tending Roses

Posts: 6550 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 7:31 AM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Knights))))

Lucky - I love Jim too. That Bills team and that era was the best.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8691 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 9:48 AM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((knightsbff))))


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4196 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:48 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When the thoughts come that one day my parents will die I almost can't stand it. I push it from my mind immediately because I get the feeling I can't breathe. Is this normal?
I don't know if it's normal, but I know I had the same reaction when everything started to go downhill with my mom last year, honey. Couldn't breathe.

So glad your mom is recovering in your care, and that the two of you are getting more time together. What a blessing for you both. (((((kingtsbff)))))


You can call me NIK

"If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment."
- Carlos Santana


Posts: 25707 | Registered: Aug 2011
Deeply Scared
♀ Administrator
Member # 2
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Knightsbff)))

I really understand...not too long ago I was feeling like my life was without purpose. Because we don't have children I felt like nothing I do or have done was going to leave an impact or footprint.

I was quickly reminded that every living person makes a difference in the world. Every single one of us.

I'm not afraid of dying...I'm afraid of what will lead up to my death...like who will take care of me in my old age if MH is already gone? I don't want to be a crazy lady eating cat food and not know the difference. How utterly horrible to be remembered that way

Thank God MH's sister and Tonya have vowed that will never happen...provided I Will them all my jewelry

I'm glad your mom is improving...cherish your time with her and build loving memories together. I can be scary and un-nerving but hold on to her now


"Don't give up, the beginning is always the hardest." My Mom:)

My tolerance for stupid shit is getting less and less.


Posts: 198240 | Registered: May 2002
knightsbff
♀ Member
Member # 36853
Default  Posted: 11:14 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all so much. You guys have once again made me cry.

Pentup, you're right, everything you said. It will be ok. I need to live my life today, enjoy the moments with my parents and family.

L2HM, that WAS a wonderful article. I think that's why I was so afraid of death during that dark dark period of my life; I had strayed so far from the peace that comes with faith.

((((Nik)))) you amaze me. Still reaching out and supporting others while dealing with your own grief. It's people like you setting the example for the rest of us that make this the place we come when our hearts are heavy...or we just need help picking out shoes.

Thank you all for the hugs too, they help.

DS, you have made a huge difference in the world! Forget about all the members here and just think for a moment about their kids. How many children's lives do you think were positively impacted because one or both parent received help and support here? That is huge. Nobel Peace Price kind of huge in my thinking. And I would be willing to bet there are plenty of people who love you enough to care for you and pamper you in your old age. If I weren't so old I would happily do it.


FWW 40's
D-day August 27, 2012
3 kids and 2 dogs

I edit often because I make a lot of typos. ☺️


Posts: 1499 | Registered: Sep 2012 | From: Deep South, USA
NaiveAgain
♀ Member
Member # 20849
Default  Posted: 7:00 AM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When the thoughts come that one day my parents will die I almost can't stand it. I push it from my mind immediately because I get the feeling I can't breathe. Is this normal
I get that way also, I can't even think about it. It doesn't help that she has been telling me for the past ten years that she isn't going to last much longer!

I really understand...not too long ago I was feeling like my life was without purpose. Because we don't have children I felt like nothing I do or have done was going to leave an impact or footprint.
DS, thank you for sharing that! I've been feeling that way the past year and it is causing me some depression. Even though I have kids, I feel that now they are grown, they have their own lives and wouldn't miss me all that much.....It is nice to know that I'm not alone with that feeling and that it will hopefully pass!

(BTW, ditto what kbff said about everything you have done with your hard work keeping this site going for the thousands and thousands (probably millions at this point, with those that read and are helped but will never post) You have made a positive impact in so many lives.

[This message edited by NaiveAgain at 7:01 AM, August 20th (Wednesday)]


Original WS D-Day July 10, 2008. Kept lying, he is gone.
New WS (2 EA's, no PA) 12-3-13
If you don't like where you are, then change it. You are not a tree.

Posts: 15288 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: Ohio
Topic Posts: 11

Return to Forum: Off Topic Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.