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User Topic: Need some revenge advice for WW and OM
LoveIsDead
♂ New Member
Member # 44424
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, August 18th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WW has been having sex with a coworker in parking lots, my house, and other places since December. I caught them on July 19th (First D-Day)

I get the impression she hates me, she hates her family, she doesn't even really want the OM, he has 4 kids and numerous girlfriends. The main GF, he lives with and she takes care of his kids.

The only thing she loves is her job. They would not tolerate in-company sexing, especially in company vehicles, while they are supposed to be "Working"

Anyway, someone, somehow must have blabbed, because WW told me last night that her boss made her sign a paper saying that consequences of fucking around with co-workers is termination.

She knows I know a whole lot about the A, and it wouldn't take much to convince her bosses that she has straight up lied to them.

What I want to know is, should I drive the final nail home? Should I expose tho both of them?

Believe me, I want to, afterall, I lost what I loved most due to her actions, shouldn't she from mine?

I can't bring myself to do anything, until recently, when she D-dayed me again, with new information about how often they had sex, that they had sex in my own house while my daughter was sleeping, how the A started not even two weeks after my father died, etc.

I have a rage building in me in light of this new information, and I seem to always ask myself, "Why don't I get that whore fired? What do I owe her? Why should they be let off the hook so easily? See knew what the risks where, but she decided she would deal with the consequences later on."

What would you guys suggest to me in this situation?

Really having a hard time with this.

[This message edited by LoveIsDead at 10:23 PM, August 18th (Monday)]


"Evil can only win when good men do nothing"

Posts: 36 | Registered: Aug 2014 | From: NM
StillLivin
♀ Member
Member # 40229
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, August 18th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Personally I would fry her and her OM. But that is me.
If for some reason you absolutely cannot live without her paycheck to contribute, then you might want to reconsider, but that would be the only reason I wouldn't out them.
My one regret is that X had already retired from the military by the time I found out about the A he started right before he retired.
Good luck.


I don't need further confirmation of what a fuckwit he is. I already have plenty, thanks very much. -SBB
D: 7/2/2014

Posts: 2335 | Registered: Aug 2013 | From: AZ
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 10:29 PM, August 18th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know that being betrayed sucks but I suspect that you have more to lose if you step in her shit pile. We can play this out.

You convince her boss and she gets fired. If she figures out it is you and you wanted to R then you've just set yourself back 20 steps. If she figures out it was you and you are ready to D then she'll probably be looking to hurt you back in the settlement. If she doesn't figure out it was you and you want to R then your family is now dealing with a loss of income and a spouse that is distraught. If she doesn't figure out it was you and you are divorcing then she no longer has an income and you might have to pay spousal support.

I am not seeing any great benefits in the long run.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 52682 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
Crushed1
♀ Member
Member # 6449
Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, August 18th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It would certainly be tempting to out them to their boss. But consider the pros and cons before you do anything, like are you dependent upon her financial contribution to the family or such? Are you going to try and R? I'd burn the bed too or get rid of it!


~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
~STRENGTH~PEACE~HOPE~FAITH

Posts: 9756 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Texas
LoveIsDead
♂ New Member
Member # 44424
Default  Posted: 10:41 PM, August 18th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There will be no R. I have retained a lawyer, and as far as WW is concerned, the whole A was to get me to divorce her. She doesn't say it, but you should see the look on her face when I scare her by saying I'm thinking of calling off D, and trying to R. She wants D, I know it in my heart.

Currently, we are living apart, but we are working on selling, or me buying her out of the house.

What about after the D? Should I get her for all of this, or let it go? I personally don't care what harships she will have to endure to her when we are no longer tied together. Besides, she still works with OM, if I can get both of them, what is stop me?

I don't know why I shouldn't, but I don't know why I should

[This message edited by LoveIsDead at 10:43 PM, August 18th (Monday)]


"Evil can only win when good men do nothing"

Posts: 36 | Registered: Aug 2014 | From: NM
nuance
♂ Member
Member # 28793
Default  Posted: 10:44 PM, August 18th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Get your D first.


Dday May 2000. R'ed.
People suck.

Posts: 1217 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: California
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 10:44 PM, August 18th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ask your attorney


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 52682 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
LoveIsDead
♂ New Member
Member # 44424
Default  Posted: 10:48 PM, August 18th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WHat they did to me is wrong, but not illegal. What I would do to them is wrong, but not illegal. A lawyer's advice will ne swing my mind either way.

She is a good employee, she wouldn't have a problem getting another job. In the begining, I asked her if she would quit her job due to working with OM. I asked for transperacy, and she told me NO on both accounts. She is most likely hiding the A from me still. She says she isn't seeing him anymore, but why should I believe her? Her rep in my eyes is worthless.


"Evil can only win when good men do nothing"

Posts: 36 | Registered: Aug 2014 | From: NM
Jospehine85
♀ Member
Member # 35971
Default  Posted: 10:49 PM, August 18th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't do ANYTHING until after the divorce is actually finalized. She might actually get more child or spousal support if she is unemployed.

When everything is final, decide if you still want to waste time letting her enter your thoughts by going to her employer.

Chances are you won't have to report her though. It sounds like the other employees who are probably picking up the slack while those 2 are off fornicating in the parking lot will take care of it.


Me - BS 40s
WH - 50s
4 Kids
Dday May 2012

Posts: 900 | Registered: Jun 2012
LoveIsDead
♂ New Member
Member # 44424
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, August 18th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Josephine, you have a good point. I tell everybody what happened, so they don't get to hear the 'boo hoo' watered down version from WW.

It's a small town, and sooner or later, somebody will give them what they deserve.

But still, what if I sit on my hands, and nothing comes to light at her work? What if they are able to continue this little romance behind everybodie"s back?
Of course, I personally don't want to see these two coming out smelling like a rose, when my entire family's world was destroyed by their actions...

Is there no justice in the world anymore?


"Evil can only win when good men do nothing"

Posts: 36 | Registered: Aug 2014 | From: NM
Crushed1
♀ Member
Member # 6449
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, August 18th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't do ANYTHING until after the divorce is actually finalized. She might actually get more child or spousal support if she is unemployed.

Ditto Josephine85.

Her employer must suspect something, why did he have her sign that document?


~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"
~STRENGTH~PEACE~HOPE~FAITH

Posts: 9756 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Texas
LoveIsDead
♂ New Member
Member # 44424
Default  Posted: 10:57 PM, August 18th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think the employers suspect something, but I don't know if these two have them snowed or not. Strike while the irons hot.

I know something is going on. She is blaming me for her betters 'finding out" already. I had nothing to do with it. My family say they had nothing to do with it.

I believe it was one of OM's girffriends who is pulling on the strings. I wish I could locate the GF OM is living with and having her take care of his kids while he is out there screwing my wife!

[This message edited by LoveIsDead at 10:57 PM, August 18th (Monday)]


"Evil can only win when good men do nothing"

Posts: 36 | Registered: Aug 2014 | From: NM
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 11:02 PM, August 18th (Monday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LoveIsDead,

I understand the desire for revenge, but it looks like plenty of people already know and have been dropping not-so-subtle hints to her about it. It's not worth the damage it would do to YOU.


Posts: 11754 | Registered: Mar 2008
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 12:23 AM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So if you do it now, she gets canned, a judge orders you to pay more because she's unemployed. Get the D then let her have it!!


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5141 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
jb3199
♂ Member
Member # 27673
Default  Posted: 6:09 AM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is there no justice in the world anymore?

Not when it comes to infidelity.


BH-47
WW-44
2 boys-17 & 20(special needs)
Married 21yrs.(together 27yrs.)

All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day: 9/18/09 D-Day#2: 2/19/10 The Marriage Killer: 6/6/11
Heading for D


Posts: 2072 | Registered: Feb 2010 | From: northeast
Lucky2HaveMe
♀ Member
Member # 13333
Default  Posted: 6:20 AM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep it all sucks. My caution would be not to betray yourself in the name of revenge.

Do you have kids?


Indian wisdom says our lives are rivers. We are born somewhere small and quiet and we move toward a place we cannot see, but only imagine. From Tending Roses

Posts: 6568 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: WNY
ChangeMaker
♂ Member
Member # 43899
Default  Posted: 6:51 AM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The best revenge is living well.

What drives my STBXWW around the bend is when I just don't give a fuck. Almost every time I see her now, she tells me how she's been crying, then gets angry at my flat, deadpan, indifferent face.

Get your divorce first.


"Everything works if you let it." - Travis W. Redfish

DDay - June 7, 2014
Me - 43
WW - 41
DD - 6 and 3
Pulling the Plug


Posts: 358 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Ontario
confused615
♀ Member
Member # 30826
Default  Posted: 6:59 AM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd wait until after the divorce is final.

But telling his girlfriend that her boyfriend, that she lives with, is cheating on her? She needs to be told. Today. I don't care if your motive *is* revenge...she deserves to know what is going on, regardless of your reason for telling her.

How to tell her? call her. No email or voicemail. He knows you know so he has been watching for you to tell her. He will intercept anything you send her. Call her. Be kind. Stick to the facts and keep your (accurate) opinion of her WBF to yourself. If you start in on him, she will naturally want to defend him...and when she confronts him, it will lend credibility to the story he will tell her..that you are a crazy, abusive, jealous STBXH of a coworker, who is calling everyone his wife works with accusing them of an affair with his wife. So stay calm. Offer to send her a copy of any and all evidence you have.

But..wait for the divorce before you out her to her boss.


BS(me)42
FWH 45
4 kids
M: June 2001
D-Day: 8/10/10
Status: Reconciling?

..that feeling you get in your stomach, when you heart's broken. It's like all the butterflies just died.


Posts: 7697 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: Indiana
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 8:12 AM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It sounds like at least one of them pissed someone off at work. Why not let nature take it's course, and laugh when it happens? Just satisfaction with no guilt....

Desire for revenge eats you up inside. Actual revenge runs risks of hurting yourself. Wait. It'll be better for you to see if the desire dies as you heal.


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10384 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
No12turn2
♂ Member
Member # 40996
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A great deal of satisfaction can be gained from this, but I say NO! Your happiness no longer depends on her or her suffering. We are so much better than this and we have to hold ourselves above the shit storm that they create.

I'll offer a more logical answer...No job means no money. That means more alimony and/or child support. Who really comes out on top in that situation?


Me/BS 35
WW 32
M 12 yrs 2 Girls 10 & 7
Phone/Cyber Affairs (3 D-Days)
Status: DIVORCED 4/24/2014

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.


Posts: 526 | Registered: Oct 2013 | From: United Staes
Topic Posts: 57
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