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User Topic: WS carrying memento of AP?
realgood2u
♀ Member
Member # 20940
Default  Posted: 3:02 AM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH and I were in fast food restaurant today waiting for order. WH was digging around in his front pocket for some reason and out fell a flimsy bit of blue material. He calmly picked it up, folded it and returned it to his pocket...assuming I had not noticed.

WH always carries a white cotton hanky...never any other color in 40 years. This item looked very feminine, nearly transparent...rather like a scarf.

Has anyone else had a similar situation? Is WH perhaps carrying an affair memento?

[This message edited by realgood2u at 3:09 AM, August 19th (Tuesday)]


http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phi/187640237.html

"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cngsVlG3Z60


Posts: 385 | Registered: Sep 2008
tl502
♀ Member
Member # 42607
Default  Posted: 6:58 AM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess you need to ask him, or look for evidence of a new ap. This sucks that we have to question these things doesn't it?


Married 30 yrs.
dd1 9/10/2011 ea/pa
DD2 3/25/2013 same ow, never stopped email and phone contact.
Putting the past behind us and moving forward together

Posts: 372 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: tl502
WaryOptimist
♀ Member
Member # 19911
Default  Posted: 7:36 AM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ow had given WH a dragonfly pin that he attached to a ballcap. I knew it had come from her, but he never would 'fess up.

Can't tell you how many times I stomped on that ballcap and then calmly put it back on the stairway newel...

Eventually, about six months after the last contact, he left it in a restaurant. I saw it on the post of his chair as we were leaving, and did not say a word.

The other memento she gave him I took care of with a mallet


Me: The faithful one
Him: WS
4 great kids
Married 28 years, together 36
D-Day: April 1, 2006 (yep, April Fool's Day...)
Aaaaaas Yoooouuu Wiiiiiish...

Posts: 650 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Here & There
Sleepingbeauty
♀ Member
Member # 43792
Default  Posted: 7:36 AM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You need to ask him? What does your gut tell you?
Does this thing ever go into the laundry???

Posts: 333 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: East coast
sisoon
♂ Member
Member # 31240
Default  Posted: 8:01 AM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another vote for: You need to ask him.

One of the things I started on d-day was IDing and discarding anything that came from ow. We dumped a whole lot of stuff and sent some back within a couple of days. One of the signs that confirmed my W was committed to R was that over the next many months (18? 24?), my W would occasionally come across something connected to her A, tell me about it, and suggest throwing it out.

If this is a memento, it needs to be dealt with directly.

(((realgood2u)))


fBH (me) - 70 (22 in my head), fWW (plainsong) - 65+, Married 45+, together since 1965
DDay - 12/2010
Recovered, not yet fully R'ed
I share my own experience because it's the only experience I know, not because I'm a good model.

Posts: 10581 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: Chicago area
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wh also got rid of things associated with the As, even though they weren't mementos from the ow. Him keeping a memento would make me blow a gasket.

Ask him. If he's anything but forthcoming about what it is, where it came from, etc I would suspect a lie. But ask him. It may not be anything this disastrous.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 2411 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
seethelight
♀ Member
Member # 43513
Default  Posted: 10:30 AM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My wh also got rid of things associated with the As, even though they weren't mementos from the ow. Him keeping a memento would make me blow a gasket.

Ask him. If he's anything but forthcoming about what it is, where it came from, etc I would suspect a lie. But ask him. It may not be anything this disastrous.

^^^^^^^Yes. My wayward got rid of a car he used to squire around the interloper even though he had to sell it at a $10,000 loss.

[This message edited by seethelight at 10:30 AM, August 19th (Tuesday)]


ďIf two people truly have feelings for one another then they donít have an affair. They get a divorce and they sort out their feelings. You are accountable for the people you hold hostage in a marriage when your mind and heart refuse to fully commit

Posts: 1516 | Registered: May 2014
realgood2u
♀ Member
Member # 20940
Default  Posted: 1:59 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No this item has never made it to the laundry. WH does not even have a suit it could have come from. I am interested to see if it shows up now.

Odd things like this make me shake my head. I thought carrying a lady's favors went out with the round table.


http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phi/187640237.html

"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cngsVlG3Z60


Posts: 385 | Registered: Sep 2008
Sleepingbeauty
♀ Member
Member # 43792
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW do not classify as ladies in my book.

Posts: 333 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: East coast
Ostrich80
Member
Member # 34827
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know my ws has something because he is that kind of guy. He keeps things the kids made him, right down to a 1st grade picture they drew. I suspect a couple of things but can't confirm. I do know that when I got into his vehicle unexpectedly, he damn near tore the gear shift off, removing a key chain. He knows I'm a snooper so I'm sure he's very careful with what he brings home.
I agree with the others. I would try to find it first, then have it in my hand. He's going to prob say, YOUR EYES DECEIVED YOU, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOUR TALKING ABOUT.


BS..me
WS..him
Been with him over half my life
4kid
DD1 10-01-09 DD2 02-12-12 discovered it never ended
OW..nothing special. Just your average skank
Status..#$%@????

Posts: 5242 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: midwest
tushnurse
♀ Member
Member # 21101
Default  Posted: 8:40 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wondering if he had put a screen film over his phone recently. Those come with a small 22 ish silky lint free cloth to use to smooth the film and get the bubbles out.

If it isn't that then you need to find out what it is.


Me: FBS
Him: FWS
Kids: 15 & 17
Married for 22 years now, was 16 at the time. .
D-Day Sept 26 2008
Fully R'd, and Happy Happy Happy

Posts: 8798 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: St. Louis
stunnedin12
♀ Member
Member # 38141
Default  Posted: 9:07 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ask him.

Wh carried a note from chickie in his wallet .... I found it and never told him, but I DID write on it (I wasn't even rude) so I'm sure he got the willies the next time he was alone and took that little note out of his wallet to gaze lovingly upon it!

I checked his wallet after the last d-day and when I advised him I'd spoken to a lawyer ... that note had been shredded in our wastebasket.

We've never spoken of it.


ME - Betrayed Spouse
Him - Wayward spouse
Not sure, but trying I guess.

Posts: 491 | Registered: Jan 2013
BtraydWife
♀ Member
Member # 42581
Default  Posted: 10:05 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Realgood you are far more patient than I could be.


Me-BW
Him-WH
DD-March 2010
TT for 6 months
Unremorseful for 3.5 years

Delay is the deadliest form of denial. - C. Northcote Parkinson

Your standards aren't up for negotiation just because he/she can't meet them.


Posts: 2411 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: United States
Feelthrownaway
♀ Member
Member # 33772
Default  Posted: 10:50 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It really could be innocent. I carry a thin white cloth to clean my glasses and phone. My husband also has one.


BW- 48
FWH-49
D-day- aug 16,2011
Married 23 years- together 25

What doesn't kill me, scars me.


Posts: 1208 | Registered: Oct 2011 | From: Down South
Chicky
♀ Member
Member # 18622
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Eyeglass, phone, or tablet cleaning cloth? The only reason I think this is plausible is b/c the one my fWH carries around is a pale Carolina blue.


There's a difference between giving up and knowing when you've had enough.

Posts: 569 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: Somewhere Over The Rainbow
realgood2u
♀ Member
Member # 20940
Default  Posted: 12:35 AM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I suppose it could be a cleaning cloth of some sort. If so, it is not as useful since hitting the floor at Taco Bell. He does wear glasses, but has never carried anything like this before.

Thanks for the input...


http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/phi/187640237.html

"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cngsVlG3Z60


Posts: 385 | Registered: Sep 2008
Sleepingbeauty
♀ Member
Member # 43792
Default  Posted: 7:53 AM, August 23rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am just wondering, how did you make out?

Posts: 333 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: East coast
stronger08
♂ Member
Member # 16953
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, August 23rd (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You'd be surprised at the stupid shit they save. I remember when I was heading towards D and cleaning out the marital home for sale I came across many items for the OM. This mind you, was while my XWW was claiming up and down that she and OM never did anything in our home. I found some stupid little stuffed animal that was a trinket of a sports team that OM followed. One that neither she nor I supported. I also found a couple of shirts that clearly were not mine, not my size or style in with my clothes. I tossed them at her saying "OM must have left these when he was not here" She tried lying her way out of it claiming they belonged to her father. But I said check the size idiot, your father is much larger. She even had kept a razor that OM brought there. When I asked who it belonged to she claimed it was a free sample that came in the mail. Imagine that, a razor complete with blades for free. I kind of pissed on that theory when I showed her it had been used. I directly asked her why she was still lying. We were getting a D, she was no longer with OM. Why keep that stupid shit after so 2 years ? Why lie about it when asked ? She just stood there angry at first, then just ran off crying. On her way out the door I told her to save the tears because I didn't give a fuck any longer. And that I hoped it was all worth it because so many people lost so much.


You cant eat soup with chopsticks.

Posts: 5831 | Registered: Nov 2007
Sleepingbeauty
♀ Member
Member # 43792
Default  Posted: 2:17 PM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

stronger08- my STBXH kept a vibrator and lubricant then claimed he just used it t himself. I have it all bagged up fro a lab if doesn't come clean. I just want the admission and the D.

Posts: 333 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: East coast
miadianna
♀ Member
Member # 10516
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, August 24th (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found a pic of the first OW in his wallet. She was sitting on a chair in the office, smiling looking into the camera wearing a yellow hard hat with the company logo on it. I'm sure it was his hat. Her picture was where mine used to be. So he removed my picture, replaced it with hers. This was after he was supposed to have ended it. He was in the shower when I found it. I took it out and replaced it with my photo again. He never said a word about it, but I'm sure he knew.


Me: BS 53
Son: 27 years old
Daughter: 25 years old
D-day(s) 9/23/94 - 1/31/05
Divorced 4/10/08

Posts: 7485 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: Illinois
Topic Posts: 23
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