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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Talk me out of it?
Jls0320
♀ Member
Member # 41192
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have screenshots of texts convos between stbx and I that I so badly want to send to OW, pretty much saying she's nothing to him and he wouldn't mind getting rid of her if I would take him back. She thinks they are in love lol and I want to burst her whore bubble so bad. Talk me out of sending them?


Me: 33 BS 2 boys (2yr & 5yr)
Him: 33 WH, sex addict, then 12 mos EA/2 mos PA with co-worker whore
Together 15yrs, married 7yrs
Dday 9/17/2013, more discovered 1/26/14
NC broken 7/28/14- pathetic piece of crap PA began.
Separated, R during divor

Posts: 499 | Registered: Nov 2013
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Umm, I'm not the person to ask for help on this!

It comes down to whether you want the drama? Whether you want to split them up?


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' - passive aggressive, tt'ing, gaslighting...multiple EA's with different women (1 'proven') and at least 1 PA

Took a while, but I like the me I am, without him.

"Until God opens the next do


Posts: 1097 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
ChangeMaker
♂ Member
Member # 43899
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would not do this. It'll likely make him fight you harder for divorce.

Just bask in the continuing dishonesty and lack of character. The best punishment for her seems to be... well... him!


"Everything works if you let it." - Travis W. Redfish

DDay - June 7, 2014
Me - 43
WW - 41
DD - 6 and 3
Pulling the Plug


Posts: 385 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: Ontario
7yrsflushed
♂ Member
Member # 32258
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you are in the middle of the D process don't do it now. Save them, finalize your D, and THEN if you still feel like forwarding go ahead and send them. For now focus on getting through the D.


D-day 5/24/11
BH = Me
2 children
The first true sense of calm I felt in YEARS was when I filed for D...
Divorced 9/2/14 and loving life!

Posts: 1923 | Registered: May 2011 | From: VA
Jls0320
♀ Member
Member # 41192
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We are divorcing he does not have a lawyer and is delaying the divorce saying we are trying to reconcile, but is still w OW


Me: 33 BS 2 boys (2yr & 5yr)
Him: 33 WH, sex addict, then 12 mos EA/2 mos PA with co-worker whore
Together 15yrs, married 7yrs
Dday 9/17/2013, more discovered 1/26/14
NC broken 7/28/14- pathetic piece of crap PA began.
Separated, R during divor

Posts: 499 | Registered: Nov 2013
osxgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8795
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This has got to be one of the things I hated most that my X did after DDay. The "I want to be with you but I can't give her up unless I know..."

It's telling you that he wants to make it a competition between the two of you. He is asking you to compete for him.

A favorite movie quote of mine: "The only winning move is not to play."

That's my long-winded way of saying don't bother. Assuming she knows he's married, she's shown that she doesn't have much self-respect. Sending this to her will likely just ramp up the drama. She'd probably just accuse you of faking the messages... or she'll say that he's just stringing you along to make you more amenable in the D process... or some other BS like that.

And it gives him ego-kibbles. Because trust me, if you send that to her, it will get back to him.

Besides, don't ruin your best chance at revenge. He's doing this to you now. He's talking about throwing her under the bus while keeping her hanging on. It's obvious to me that the best punishment for her is to KEEP him!


Posts: 2410 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: Maryland
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I would send them, but I'm a bitch like that


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3477 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
betrayedpregnant
♀ Member
Member # 43304
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i'm with sparkysable

Posts: 307 | Registered: May 2014 | From: Hawaii
KeepOnMovin
♂ Member
Member # 38245
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A favorite movie quote of mine: "The only winning move is not to play."
War Games with Matthew Broderick and Ally Sheedy, right?

that's actually a good quote. never would have thought about it applying to everyday life. i will remember that. thanks!


Me: BH
Her: who cares?
Married: 22 years
2 sons at home
1 son in college
Divorced on 9/4/14!
Often it's the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self.

Posts: 389 | Registered: Jan 2013 | From: Midwest
osxgirl
♀ Member
Member # 8795
Default  Posted: 4:57 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

@KeepOnMovin

Yep, "War Games". And I think the quote works well for a lot of things, but especially dealing with the crazy of infidelity.


Posts: 2410 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: Maryland
mamazen
♀ Member
Member # 42137
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can't advise you to send them or not, but I'll tell you my experience with matters like this…

I went through a "crazy period" for a couple months after d-day. She was a family friend, so I have her cell number. I texted her a photo of gay prostitute websites that I found on WH's computer (really; a complete shock to me), with some words like;" I have proof, better get tested…" She then blocked my texts. (I had sent her a couple earlier ones saying leave my kids alone, but that last one was the clincher. I know she blocked me because I texted later some proof of financial shenanigans on his part, but I never heard back about it (and I KNOW I would have if she got it)).

On Valentine's day I phoned her, she didn't recognize me (I was speaking her foreign language, and she isn't used to that), then when she finally figured it out I cackled in English "he's cheating on you! We are fucking!!!" She promptly hung up.

Then immediately that day, my WH put back ON his caller ID….seems that the absent caller ID from my workplace matched what showed from WH cellphone--so she thought it was him calling her….. Also that day WH contacted my best friend, a psychoanalyst, and told her I had lost it and was going to kill myself (not true, but she panicked when I was unreachable at work).

So now, I can't contact her if I want to. And, every time my WH calls me I am reminded that she is more important than me bc he turned on his caller ID for her (I had bugged him about doing that during the M, but he never did it). On snarky days, I answer his calls imitating her in the foreign way she says "allo?" Drives him nuts...

So the bottom line is that I burned my bridges. I'd love to contact her again, but the only way now is to mail a snail mail letter. (Saving that for after D).

So, think about it if you send it. You may want to keep it in your back pocket for a perfect time.


mamazen


me 56
WH 57
married 19 years
separated since 8/2013
D FINAL! Sept 10 2014
D-day Dec 21 2013 (after separation)
2 sons 15 and 12
OW = family friend and WH work colleague, going on many years (I was clueless)


Posts: 77 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: canada
Jls0320
♀ Member
Member # 41192
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I decided not to send, most of you are right she deserves him. It also appears she's still engaged? And married to her ex lol. God they are trash and so not worth my time and energy. I'm a much bigger person than they are and sending those will make me look petty and like I'm fighting for him and I don't want him! I will keep them saved though lol


Me: 33 BS 2 boys (2yr & 5yr)
Him: 33 WH, sex addict, then 12 mos EA/2 mos PA with co-worker whore
Together 15yrs, married 7yrs
Dday 9/17/2013, more discovered 1/26/14
NC broken 7/28/14- pathetic piece of crap PA began.
Separated, R during divor

Posts: 499 | Registered: Nov 2013
kernel
♀ Member
Member # 27035
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good for you. No sense in petting the drama llama - you never know if it will spit on you. Stay detached.


"On particularly rough days when I'm sure I can't possibly endure, I like to remind myself that my track record for getting through bad days so far is 100% and that's pretty good."

Posts: 5336 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 13

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