Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Soleil88 (45765)

Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Mini Update
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We're....ok?

Not much discussion. I've talked. He gave me an open door one day with a comment about another situation, and I called him on his crap. Shook him up a bit. Still not much conversation. But there are actions.

Over the weekend I had a small disappointment. He apologized. Genuinely apologized for the sitch. With his hands kneading my shoulders. He didn't shrug and say "bummer. Sorry 'bout that.". His apology language has changed. It feels like he actually cares and doesn't brush it off anymore. Like my hurt/frustration/irritation actually register with him now.

He is still running with me. My allergies are murdering me and it's really a struggle. He works all day, then runs with me. As tired as he is. Pushing and encouraging. Not just on Sunday anymore. But every day I run. He knows what this means for me and is supporting. Even if I fall short of my goal.

One evening after the kids were in bed, he surprised me with something we used to do. It was a moment for just the two of us. It felt peaceful. Happy.

Again, not much talking. But I'm seeing action. Not just with the examples above, but all the way across the board. I'm reading between the lines of his actions to fill in my blanks. I wanna analyze and talk and hash and discuss. He may never do that. So I'm trying to let it go. (No Frozen references please.) I still need talking. But I guess I need to make better decisions on which hills I want to die on. *shrug*

Is this change permanent? Dunno. Hope so. All I can do is roll with it. And be vigilant. And keep working on me.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6437 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Girl! I'm so glad to hear this.

As if we are running exact parallels, Crazz accidentally stepped on my foot last night and his face contorted into something that resembled actual sympathy as he apologized. I was taken aback and almost laughed. But then I let him know I appreciated it.

Oy. Small victories?


"If the path you walk leads back to yourself, you'll never get anywhere." - Master Oogway

Posts: 18371 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
caspers1wish
♀ Member
Member # 28720
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sometimes actions speak louder than words. There are good things in your post! I find I need to talk a lot too, and try to turn to a girlfriend instead. Changes will be slow and difficult for him to come out of his comfort zone, it sounds like you're both in the right direction.


Me - FWW (35)
Him - BH (34)
Kids - Ages 6, 8, 10
Married 13 years, together 18 years.
Last D-Day - November 2008

Posts: 805 | Registered: Jun 2010
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Small victories?
Yep. The optimist inside is hoping these small victories evolve into giant ones. But that sliver of fear is constantly poking me.

One day at a time. That's all I know to do.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6437 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy for you, Aubrie, and Jrazz, too. Small victories can win the big battle.


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9952 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
EvolvingSoul
♀ Member
Member # 29972
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One day at a time. That's all I know to do.
That's all we can do anyway, really. :) Aubrie I continue to be so amazed and pleased at the way you have learned to deal with difficult emotions and impulse control. You have come a long way. Stay the course, sister, from one EvolvingSoul to another.


Me: WS (52)
Him: Shards (47)
D-day: June 6, 2010
Last voluntary AP contact: June 23, 2010
NC Letter sent: 3/9/11

Digging our way through.


Posts: 310 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: Turning the corner.
JanaGreen
♀ Member
Member # 29341
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((HUGS)) to two wonderful ladies. I hope things continue to improve for both of you (Aubrie & Jrazz).


We're both in our 30s. One awesome 5-year-old daughter. Baby Green 2.0 expected June 2015!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 6937 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: Somewhere in the South
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 2:24 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so glad to read this, Aubrie. Sounds like some of those small steps are pretty significant, you know? Hope things continue to improve.


You can call me NIK

"Keep your face always toward the sunshine - and shadows will fall behind you."
-Walt Whitman


Posts: 26218 | Registered: Aug 2011
HobbesTheTiger
♂ Member
Member # 41477
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Great news!

I would suggest you make sure he knows that you like the things he's begun to do, give him positive feedback/reinforcement.

Best wishes going forward!


BxBf, 26
Lots of FOO&other issues, working it through therapy
Legal profession

Posts: 357 | Registered: Nov 2013 | From: Continental Europe
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Gang.

Absolutely Hobbes. He knows.

ES, I still feel like such a mess. I tease Jrazz about being a Spazz, when in reality, I'm the Spazz. It's so hard finding the right balance with it all.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6437 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good steps. Just keep at it. Every relationship is continually changing don't be afraid to keep tweeking things.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.


Posts: 53062 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
Jrazz
♀ Guide
Member # 31349
Default  Posted: 5:40 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Aubrie)))

Nothing wrong with a little spazzing here and there.


"If the path you walk leads back to yourself, you'll never get anywhere." - Master Oogway

Posts: 18371 | Registered: Feb 2011 | From: California
Topic Posts: 12

Return to Forum: Wayward Side Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.