I think it was a huge moment for him, and it was a huge moment for us for him to finally start to break down those walls and open up. I feel like so much of our time discussing the A - and even before the A, discussing M issues - he is standing behind a wall of some sort. Sometimes it's a garden wall, sometimes it's a Great Wall. But how can we actually talk through and even start to work through issues if he's shielding himself off?
A lot of it stems from FOO issues. A lot. I knew that before we ever got married.
So I think it was a huge breakthrough for him. And if he'd had a it a year ago, that'd be awesome that we can pour the attention he needs, as a couple, into helping him work through it. Unfortunately we're in such a shitstorm right now that I'm in self-preservation mode and dealing with a ton of my own raw emotions over what he's done that I don't really have the energy that he needs to expend on it. He understands that. And it cycles more into the hating himself, he's worthless, he's a bad person, darkness.
I can and will be there to support him through it as long as he is working on it, and him actually opening up and revealing it is a start to trying to even work through it. But I still need him as a partner and helping me, and us as a couple, and him as a person, also work through the A.
So he's going to see his IC more, we're going to find a new MC who is experienced in infidelity. Our new insurance kicks in in a week and a half, so we can start that. I think he needs to be on ADs, so I asked him to lay it all out for his therapist and talk to her about that side.
I think it was a breakthrough, but it also was a big revelation moment for me too. I can't yell/anger/fume him into "getting it" and he's fallen so far down his own darkness of self-hatred that he's going to have to pull himself up before he can start helping me. And that's only if he wants to and does that work. It'd be much more comfortable for him to just stay in that darkness, that's how he's always lived, so time will tell if he starts to work on it. That's why I think reading on SI in the Wayward may help him and why I suggested it. Right now he doesn't know anybody who is a WS, and I think it'd be helpful for him to see others experiences. But I can only offer it up, I can't make him get anything out of it.