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Divorce/Separation Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: I can't stop crying
libertyrocks
♀ Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Every day. I can't stop. He's utterly broken and I'm a mess because under all the hate and anger I still love this bad man. I know he's bad and I have to stay away from him. It just hurts so much right now.

Finally, after 2 1/2 years, I feel sadness. There was a lot of anger and I'm finally mourning him. I feel so fragile. I was so tough for so long.

I'm starting IC again, stress management classes, and on AD's again. Hopefully, this helps.

[This message edited by libertyrocks at 3:43 PM, August 19th (Tuesday)]


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
newlysingle
♀ Member
Member # 38735
Default  Posted: 3:46 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry you're hurting so much, but please know that this is normal. It's a normal stage of the grieving process. You've hit the acceptance stage. I went through this myself and it hit like a ton of bricks. I was so angry at him for so long and it fueled me to move forward and do what I needed to do. Then all of a sudden I stopped being so angry and I was just lost, devastated.

It was like a flood of emotions realizing that it was really over and that my life would never be the same. This happened about 3 months post Divorce when I thought I was pretty much done grieving. It completely took me by surprise. I moved through it though. I'm now pretty peaceful and content. I still have moments of anger and sadness, but my good days far outweigh the bad now.

(((liberty)))


BW - Me (37)
XWH - (37) The Gnat
OW - Some dumb whore he picked up in another state and moved here here. Known as Hello Kitty.
M for 8 years, together for 10
1 DD (5), 1 DS (1 year)
Dday 3/13
Divorced 9/20/13

Posts: 892 | Registered: Mar 2013
libertyrocks
♀ Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for sharing, newlysingle. My eyes are all puffy! lol. I don't even want to go out for lunch today. I guess when people at work ask me what's wrong, I'll just tell them I going through a divorce. It's part of life and a lot of people go through it. Sometimes, I'm just brutally honest.

Me too, I thought I was so over him. But, after 13 years with this man, how could I really expect that. I remember our group therapy sessions, he with his and I with mine, and me telling them I can't cry. Well, now I can.

[This message edited by libertyrocks at 3:52 PM, August 19th (Tuesday)]


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 3:57 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know it doesn't seem like it, but those tears are a good thing. The numbness and shock keep them at bay for a while, and then one day, the dam breaks.

Lean into it, honey. Let it all be felt and processed so you can move through it. ((((liberty))))


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25292 | Registered: Aug 2011
Softcentre
Member
Member # 39166
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Liberty - I think this is what I'm going through right now, too. I felt good, strong...thought I must have reached acceptance, then, well all this grief has hit me in the last week. 2 years out, I hope this is the bridge to acceptance, I really do. ((liberty))


Me: BW
Him: STBXWH 'The Arse' likes strong but broken OW
OW - EA - 'Holy Chick'
COW - Suspected EA/PA 'The Ambassador'
COW - Susp EA 'The Baker'
COW - EA/PA 'Fat Bottomed Girl'
COW - Susp EA 'MiniMe'

Posts: 980 | Registered: May 2013 | From: UK
solus sto
♀ Member
Member # 30989
Default  Posted: 7:01 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((liberty))) I'm so sorry.

It gets better. It really does.


BS-me, 52
WH (Trac-fone), 52, PD
2 kids-DD25, DS18
multiple d-days
DIVORCING
Alone, most strangely, I live on~Rupert Brooke

Posts: 8677 | Registered: Jan 2011 | From: midwest
jrzeegirl
♀ New Member
Member # 44261
Default  Posted: 7:19 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my gosh Liberty! I could have written this post.
And it all happened today. I called the realtor to list the house, thinking she would come next week. But she is planning to come this Thursday and put the for sale sign out front. It hit me just like you at work, and my eyes too were all blotchy and red. And then once I composed myself in the bathroom I started crying again at my desk. I've been separated for 2 1/2 years! Why now? Plus I get to see Mr Wonderful Thursday because he has to sign as well. Of course the divorce papers are at the courthouse being prepared and will be served to him soon. Maybe with everything happening all at once it just got to me today. It hurts. It hurts real bad. But we will get through it. Let the sadness hit you. It is just another step in the grieving process.
((Libertyrocks))


Married since 1994
DDay 9/18/10
DD 15
“You two deserve each other, and I deserve better” ~Me

Posts: 32 | Registered: Jul 2014 | From: Jersey
caregiver9000
♀ Member
Member # 28622
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((more hugs)))

I'm with Nik: Lean into it. Tamping it down or denying it makes it last longer I think. Stages of grief are relevant here and each one is a step closer to acceptance and the dull ache instead of the sharp pain.

I am sorry.


Me: 44, independent, happy, despite co-parenting with a lower muppet
FT "Stretch" (and Skew!) ;)
DS 13 DS 10
S 5/2010
D 12/2012

Posts: 5808 | Registered: May 2010 | From: a better place
Sleepingbeauty
♀ Member
Member # 43792
Default  Posted: 7:47 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is scaring me. I cried solid for the first week or two. I didn't sleep, couldn't eat. I sill cry and still have problems sleeping ad eating but I thought I as getting better. I made it through my first birthday, my first anniversary, my father's death. I hate to think that I'm going to fall completely apart again.

I guess I'm lucky he has done something so despicable that I really can honestly say I don't love him, nor do I like him. When our divorce is final I hope to never see him again.


Posts: 257 | Registered: Jun 2014 | From: East coast
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 8:36 PM, August 19th (Tuesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Totally normal stage in the process. It sucks, but it will eventually pass.

I was still having crying jags up until early last year.

T-I-M-E.

(((lr)))


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17390 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
betrayedpregnant
♀ Member
Member # 43304
Default  Posted: 4:44 AM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(libertyrocks) it's okay to cry. We all have cried so many tears over these waywards. We're human, we have feelings, and those feelings have been hurt in the most painful way.

Posts: 225 | Registered: May 2014 | From: Hawaii
yestopants
♀ Member
Member # 41631
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((libertyrocks)) you are still strong and the tears will only make stronger. I used to never cry now I do. It feels good to let it out and just feel.


Me: 35
STBXWH: 38
2 amazing kids DS DD
almost Divorced!

Posts: 282 | Registered: Dec 2013
nowiknow23
♀ Guide
Member # 33226
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How are you doing today, honey?


You can call me NIK

"Sometimes it takes a good fall to know where you really stand."
-Hayley Williams


Posts: 25292 | Registered: Aug 2011
sparkysable
♀ Member
Member # 3703
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I didn't sleep for a straight year. I barely made it through each moment of each day. Society wants you to "get over it" and "move on" but the truth is, it takes a long time. I'm at 4 years past d-day and I am just starting to feel like a somewhat normal human being.


D-day OW#1 2/2004; R for 6 years; D-day OW#2 5/2010

Marriages that start this way, stepping over the bodies of loved ones as the giddy couple walks down the aisle, are not likely to last.


Posts: 3341 | Registered: Mar 2004 | From: NY
norabird
♀ Member
Member # 42092
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((liberty))))

It is so, so normal. I think you had started dating a bit, right? In a way, that was just suppressing all the sense of loss and sadness and mourning and grief. It just has to come out and you have to let it. Slowly you'll start crying less. Think of it as purging and be kind to yourself.

Having love for people who don't deserve it and have abused us is a pretty awful feeling, but it's because you are a kind and loving person. There is nothing wrong with you. Stay NC, and let your feelings run their course. There is nothing wrong with you.


Sit. Feast on your life.

Posts: 4151 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: NYC
LoveHerStill
♂ Member
Member # 31504
Default  Posted: 10:08 PM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As the above have said, it is totally normal. My IC confirmed it and said the intensity of your grieving process matches the intensity of your love for them.

I was a complete emotional jellyfish for about a year and a half, I mean if I ran out of milk I would cry! No joke! I laugh at it now, but it was real back then.

The next year was better, but I would have spells where I would start obcessing and crying until I found a way to stop obcessing.

Now, 4 years out, I still think about it almost every day, but the sharp pain is gone and mostly anger and sadness remain. Some days I feel truly happy and do experience genuine joy, something I thought I would never feel again.

It does unfortunately take a lot of time. Just grieve when you need to and you will move through it.

One thing I realized the other day is that I am healing, but XWW has not processed this yet and she has a long way to go. I know her well and I know she feels shame and guilt. I have also been told by a mutual friend that she does not trust OM and that she is embarrassed by him at times.

I am near the end of my healing, she has yet to begin.

Hang in there and know that we are all with you in spirit when you are crying, we get it and we really do wish the best for you.


Peace to us all.


Me BH-45
Her WW-44
Married-20yrs
Together-26yrs
D-Day 4/11/10
Divorced 9/13/2010
XWW Married OM 5/23/2011

There is hope. Once you truly commit to focusing on yourself and letting go, it comes back, and you will appreciate it like never before.


Posts: 462 | Registered: Mar 2011 | From: Seattle, WA
deena
♀ Member
Member # 27275
Default  Posted: 11:20 PM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It must be steps in healing like everyone here is saying.
I am going thru some emotions now too.
It is 4 1/2 years since DDay. But after r that didn't work, now I am ending it. So maybe that is why the process is so out of whack for me right now.

After this we should be emotional power houses. This will maybe harden us and make us stronger
(((( liberty rocks)))))))


Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's
better to leave them broken than to hurt
yourself putting it back together.


Posts: 2903 | Registered: Jan 2010 | From: Canada
libertyrocks
♀ Member
Member # 38924
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, August 21st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone. I'm doing better today. A little jaded but doing better, thanks. Our IC's commented how strange it was that I supressed my pain. Well, here it is, coming out now. After all this time.

Yes, I did date for a few months. Now, I want nothing to do with dating. I'm not in a healthy emotional place. It did more damage than good and kept me occupied from facing these harsh feelings of grief. It's time to face the music.


Me-BW 36. STBXH-35,Recovering Alcoholic, M6yrs T13. Boys 2 & 4 1/2.
DDay #1 Nov,2012. 1 1/2 year false R & TT. 10 OW PA's 1LTA (W lied to) 3 years.
S Nov, 2013 again Jan,2014
Filed for D Feb,2014.

Posts: 962 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: So Cal, baby. :)
FaithFool
♀ Member
Member # 20150
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, August 21st (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was a complete emotional jellyfish for about a year and a half, I mean if I ran out of milk I would cry!

After my third move in two years, I remember weeping on the phone to the only man in my life at the time, my contractor (also a family friend who was close to my just-deceased mom) that I couldn't find my cheese grater.

I wanted to make a fucking omelette and couldn't find the damn thing in my sea of boxes.

I just stood in the kitchen and sobbed uncontrollably.

Sometimes you just have to hit the wall.

It gets better.


DDay: June 15, 2008
Mistakenly married Mr. Superfreak
20 years of OWs, WTF?
Divorced Dec 26, 2011
"Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget
to sing in the lifeboats". -- Voltaire

Posts: 17390 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Canada
Topic Posts: 19

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