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Wayward Side Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Am now a "madhatter"
katiescarlett
♀ Member
Member # 43399
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I cheated on WH/BH on Friday. I slept with a married man.

I don't want to make excuses. I did it deliberately.

I didn't break it off until today. It was bringing me down even further. I was just released from the psych. unit, my mother has serious health issues, and I started self harming after I started talking to AP.

I'm going to tell my husband when he comes home for lunch in about 20 minutes.


MH-27
MH-28
3 boys
My D-Day July 2014 and numerous others.
His D-Day 8-20-14

Posts: 106 | Registered: May 2014
katiescarlett
♀ Member
Member # 43399
Default  Posted: 11:13 AM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some more info. I don't work or know AP. We used aliases and only communicated on kik.

I just told BH the news.


MH-27
MH-28
3 boys
My D-Day July 2014 and numerous others.
His D-Day 8-20-14

Posts: 106 | Registered: May 2014
20WrongsVs1
♀ Member
Member # 39000
Shocked  Posted: 11:24 AM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((katie))

Stick around, let us know how it's going, I'm sure things may be very tumultuous for awhile in the Butler household. Take care of yourself. Can you bring in a close relative, to help care for the children?

This may sound like a 2x4 but it's not meant that way. You said it was deliberate. For revenge, I'm guessing. And I'm guessing revenge is not tasting so sweet right now. I'm sorry your circumstances were such that you thought having sex with someone else's husband was a good idea. When you, of all people, know what the fallout can be like.


fWW: 42
BH: 52
DDay: April 21, 2013
Sweet DS & fierce DD, under 10
"Between stimulus and response there’s a space, in that space lies our power to choose our response, in our response lies our growth and our freedom." V. Frankl

Posts: 1252 | Registered: Apr 2013 | From: Redneck land
Aubrie
♀ Member
Member # 33886
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your life just got a whole lot more complicated.

I don't work or know AP. We used aliases and only communicated on kik.
May not be much of a consolation. While some people cannot deal with the fact it was a neighbor or friend or relative, others have just as hard of a time over some random stranger.

You are welcome in Wayward. However there is also a thread in ICR specifically for MHs. You are totally going to need their advice and expertise in navigating this.


Me - FWW * Him - QuietStand

"Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway." - J. Wayne


Posts: 6437 | Registered: Nov 2011 | From: South, Y'all!
katiescarlett
♀ Member
Member # 43399
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

C
an you bring in a close relative, to help care for the children?

No, I have no one around who can help me. I mean other than BH who helps me as much as he possibly can.

You said it was deliberate. For revenge, I'm guessing. And I'm guessing revenge is not tasting so sweet right now. I'm sorry your circumstances were such that you thought having sex with someone else's husband was a good idea. When you, of all people, know what the fallout can be like.

The other BS wasn't on my mind at all, nor was BH. When I was talking to AP and even when I slept with him nothing was on my mind except the need to feel wanted and desired.
I did feel justified having an affair but I didn't do it for revenge. I did it because I don't feel like me anymore. I'm an empty shell of my former self. I feel nothing. I thought this would make me feel something. Excited, wanted, liked. It made me feel even more empty though. I was just a whore to him. I wanted him to like me even though I didn't like him.


MH-27
MH-28
3 boys
My D-Day July 2014 and numerous others.
His D-Day 8-20-14

Posts: 106 | Registered: May 2014
katiescarlett
♀ Member
Member # 43399
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

mods, you can remove the stop sign.


MH-27
MH-28
3 boys
My D-Day July 2014 and numerous others.
His D-Day 8-20-14

Posts: 106 | Registered: May 2014
katiescarlett
♀ Member
Member # 43399
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, where do I go from here?

I confessed everything to BH and am willing to give him full transparency.

I go to IC sometime this week to start EMDR therapy. I'll bring up my infidelity. I'm also going to call our MC and tell her as well.

I just feel so lost right now.


MH-27
MH-28
3 boys
My D-Day July 2014 and numerous others.
His D-Day 8-20-14

Posts: 106 | Registered: May 2014
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh hon,

I know exactly where you are. It sounds like exactly what I did. Mine was very deliberate and I didn't know or have a relationship with mine either. And yes it made it much worse for me. I felt much worse, like a shell afterwards. I am so sorry that you are in this place. Wayward is a good place for you right now. Stick around so you can start putting yourself back together.

I am giving you a giant hug right now ((((())))


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 5156 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
katiescarlett
♀ Member
Member # 43399
Default  Posted: 3:04 PM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the support.
I've been so focused on my issues nothing else seemed to matter. BH is worried about me. I cheated and he's worried about me. I never thought I was this selfish.


MH-27
MH-28
3 boys
My D-Day July 2014 and numerous others.
His D-Day 8-20-14

Posts: 106 | Registered: May 2014
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Either did I when I did it. A very good friend of mine used to say on here that pain has a way of making us narcissistic. We can only see ourselves and what is happening within us when we are in pain. You need to start looking at what coping skills you were using when you decided to do this.

Do you feel depressed?


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 5156 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
katiescarlett
♀ Member
Member # 43399
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, I have major depression. I was in the hospital for planning my suicide.


MH-27
MH-28
3 boys
My D-Day July 2014 and numerous others.
His D-Day 8-20-14

Posts: 106 | Registered: May 2014
deb3129
♀ Member
Member # 30315
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs. I also suffer from major depression, and am a betrayed spouse. What you did is terrible, but I can understand. Just take deep breaths, do what you need to do to get yourself help, and to help your WH/BH.


I am pessimistically optimistic


Me- 43
WH- 36
Married 14 years, together 17. Two kids together, boys age 9 and 10.
DDay-11/29/2010
I never knew that something could be this painful and not kill you.


Posts: 792 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Southeast Texas
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 3:23 PM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Did they get you started on some meds for that? I was the same way, I actually believe I was suffering from it prior to what I did, it got much worse after what I did, and I became suicidal as well afterwards. I was put on meds and it got better. This can get better. I am here four years out and I can tell you that my life is better, for me. I am a stronger, healthier person.


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 5156 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
katiescarlett
♀ Member
Member # 43399
Default  Posted: 3:33 PM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Zoloft and trazodone.


MH-27
MH-28
3 boys
My D-Day July 2014 and numerous others.
His D-Day 8-20-14

Posts: 106 | Registered: May 2014
tired girl
♀ Member
Member # 28053
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It probably is not helping a whole lot yet I imagine. Are you and your H able to put some of the really hard discussions off for maybe a week until you are doing better?


Me45 Him 45 Hardlessons DS 25,23,20
D Day 1/18/10 his 3/8/2012 mine
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt

Posts: 5156 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: az
LosferWords
♂ Guide
Member # 30369
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi katiescarlett. Just sending you some support as another madhatter. Once you get your mood stabilized, it will be time to work on yourself, but the good news is that coming out here and talking about it is a big first step. Confessing to your BH was the right thing to do. That was another huge step. You've made some painful and destructive choices, but you are now on the path to healing. I am so glad you have sought help for your depression. That is something that I had to do as well, through both IC and antidepressant medication.

I agree with everything TG is saying here.

Take care, and know that we are here for you to help you work through all of this, every step of the way.


Posts: 8021 | Registered: Dec 2010
katiescarlett
♀ Member
Member # 43399
Default  Posted: 4:24 PM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It probably is not helping a whole lot yet I imagine. Are you and your H able to put some of the really hard discussions off for maybe a week until you are doing better?

No, it has not made much of a difference for me. I'm hoping EMDR helps because at this point I'm really considering traveling to a bigger city to receive ECT.

At this point, BH is more worried about my own mental health and well being than my affair. He was grateful that I told him. I really thought of keeping it a secret and sparing him. He has a lot on his plate with me and the boys.


MH-27
MH-28
3 boys
My D-Day July 2014 and numerous others.
His D-Day 8-20-14

Posts: 106 | Registered: May 2014
Unagie
♀ Member
Member # 37091
Default  Posted: 7:01 PM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did EMDR and it was probably the one that helped me the most. Lean on us if you need to and get yourself stabilized first. The hard work that's coming is well, hard and you need to be able to handle it. Good for you for confessing.


Heartbroken madhatter trying to rebuild

No longer together

"There are times when our reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain the mind must leave reality behind." Patrick Rothfuss


Posts: 2802 | Registered: Oct 2012
redsox13
♂ Member
Member # 43391
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am the BS of a ws who attempted suicide. I would make sure your BS knows how serious your depression is.

I am tempted to suggest that either you should go back to the hospital or try to see a Psychiatrist tomorrow. I have learned the hard way just how serious depression is.

((((Katiescarlett))))


BS - 45
WW - 43
In R for 5 years, still hurting but finally letting go

Posts: 307 | Registered: May 2014 | From: nh
rachelc
♀ Member
Member # 30314
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for taking the stop sign off so I can post.
First hugs!!!!
I'm a mad hatter too but your journey is one like TG's so you should listen to her.
You've hit rock bottom my dear. You can only go up from here.
You will grown and change and learn and every day you are further from the awful choice you made, you will feel better. This is time to figure out you! Clarify your values. What is important to you? You, married or not. What kind of person do you want to be???
As you live being that person you will feel like you have integrity. Really... It's the only thing you have in this world. This will be a long journey. But one you can do.
Get the help you need now to stabilize.
Is there one MH on here that hasn't contemplated suicude? I don't know.... But we're here for you!
Hugs!!!

[This message edited by rachelc at 8:25 PM, August 20th (Wednesday)]


his Dday: 2/10 but TT until 7/11
my Ddays: 1/12, 4/12 broken NC 12/12

me (WW/BS): 48
him: (BS/WH)52
4 kiddos in mid 20's

“Follow your intuition. Be smart, be brave. Tell the truth and don’t take any shit.”


Posts: 5539 | Registered: Dec 2010 | From: Midwest
Topic Posts: 22
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