The thread was talking about a WH who let his boundaries slip. And when confronted, he didn't seem to get the severity of the actions. Obviously, this post was from the perspective of the BW, so it might not tell the whole story.
For me, this is so scary. BW and I just graduated from MC. I am going to my last scheduled IC this afternoon. I tried to reduce my AD, but quickly went back to a higher dose when I felt my thinking start to slip. DDay antiversary is coming up the beginning of November.
I tell BW and my Cs that keeping myself "right" is going to be lifelong work. I understand that. But damn, what if I cannot keep it up?
I absolutely do not want to go back to who I was before. This truly comes from my heart and soul. But I never wanted to be a cheater and liar in the first place. But I still did it. I came so close to losing everything I love. I know that now, and never want to jeopardize that again. But again, I knew that before.
I think I am creating good behaviors now. Over vacation, I said something that my BW objected to in a way that made me feel childish. We talked about it immediately. That sort of thing is getting easier and easier to do. But I know that it would be easier to not do it. Then resentment and misunderstanding would build up. And I'd be back to the bad place.
I do catch myself before I start any sort of conversation with the opposite sex. Just "innocent" stuff like saying something funny to a waitress, or commenting to someone at the beach. I have the mental checklist that says "what would you gain by engaging this person." I find myself not making those comments, where I used to do it all of the time. But again, a lot of times I find I have something "in the chamber" that I would have said if I didn't stop myself.
I know this is sort of stream of consciousness, almost journaling. I am committed to continuing to be open and check up with my BW. But I almost feel like we should put a calendar reminder each month to check on my behavior. Maybe each week. Is there any secret, or any tips to staying on the right path?
I adore the "mental checklist" and asking yourself "what would you gain by engaging this person?". Just reading this entire post, well... I want to get where you are.
I am sorry if that's not really helpful or answering of your question... but damn if it's not highly inspirational. I "get" what you write here, and I can only hope that I can soon demonstrate that I too get it myself this way.
[This message edited by RMarred at 1:18 PM, August 20th (Wednesday)]
I was up above it. Now I'm down in it.
Did I just t/j my own thread?
"Power, Lincoln, real power comes not from hate, but from truth."