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User Topic: OW feels so entitled and I am sick to death of it!
♀ Member
Member # 43350
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, August 28th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hopeful77, that's one of the things that does puzzle me about H's AP. She has read many of the books I have and still doesn't get it. She still clings to the promises FWH made to her and is devastated that he dropped her flat when I found out about them. Like you said, if he hadn't left me by then, what made her think he ever would?

Also, in her case, she has an H who loves her and is trying to R. I wish she would give him the respect he deserves and forget about my H. If she were truly "alone", I would get it. But she isn't. If I were her H, my heart would be breaking, watching her pine for my H like she's doing...

Me: early 50's
WH: early 50's
Married: 23 years
DS: 21 years old
Other DS: 18 years old
D-day: 2/14/2014
H's AP lasted 6 years, but we are both trying hard to R.

Posts: 448 | Registered: May 2014
♀ Member
Member # 43024
Default  Posted: 11:00 PM, August 28th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have read that most men who have an A, have no intentions of ever leaving their wives. (Men affair down anyway), but most women having A's do so planning to leave their husbands! My H AP was still trying to get him to resume the A after it had been over for 10 years! (Yeah, unfortunately the bitch was still around...see my profile story for more details).

These OW seem to think if they offer our H's a F*&#@ in any form, they'll just jump at it!!!??? Okay....whatever.....

2 DS:35 & 30 , 2 D Grandchildren
"Oh the webs we weave, when first we practice to deceive"....My WH quotes this often.
I found out about H's affair 25 yrs later.Mine is my own "Life is a journey, travel with Care."

Posts: 341 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: New Mexico
Member # 42124
Default  Posted: 11:14 PM, August 28th (Thursday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry you are going through this. His employer needs to block email coming from her IP addy and/or her email address. Get an attorney to draw up a cease and desist letter and have her served. It's time for her to scram.

On a side note, I hope so badly that your DS is getting help for his abusive behavior towards his GF. It's not okay and it's time for him to break the cycle.

M 2007. DDay 2008
~10+ CL Prostitutes in 8 months
Divorcing SAWH "ActionsOverWords"
Me: Early 30s BW (also an adult OC) w Baby DS

6 years of TT, hidden STD & false R
Separated 5 mos+; he will not commit
Someday I will be okay

Posts: 288 | Registered: Jan 2014 | From: New York City
♀ Member
Member # 43350
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, August 29th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trying2LoveAgain, I did read your profile. My goodness. I'm sorry for all you have been through. Plus, OW was apiece of work - still is it seems.

What your OW and mine have in common is that they were both married and still pursued their AP, who ended it with them and went back to their wives.

I have concluded that people like that must be pretty empty inside - hollow - to have such utter disregard for other people's feelings.

If a WS chooses - with no one putting a gun to their head - to go back to their spouse - that should speak volumes. Especially if they maintain NC. That is essentially saying, "Not only is it over, but there is nothing - nothing more I have to say to you." But they still harass and pursue and try to tear families apart. They imagine it was true love, and that they now have lost their soul mate. But at best, what they had was an escape - a secret life, a fantasy world they could escape to. And I admit that fantasies can be pretty exciting. But I wonder if they'd really be happy with our spouses if they had them 24/7. If, instead of getting them ONLY when they are hot and horny, they see them when they come home from work grumpy after a long day, or they have to deal with them when they are sick. Or how they think they could juggle a family or a full-time job day-in-and-day- out and still give them and receive from them all the attention and passion they experienced during the A.

OW admits there was nothing more than sex and talk of sex during their LTA. Is that enough to build a life or a real relationship on? I don't think so. But maybe I'm the clueless one? Just wondering here...

Determinata, thanks for thinking about my son. I worry about him every day.

Me: early 50's
WH: early 50's
Married: 23 years
DS: 21 years old
Other DS: 18 years old
D-day: 2/14/2014
H's AP lasted 6 years, but we are both trying hard to R.

Posts: 448 | Registered: May 2014
♀ Member
Member # 43221
Default  Posted: 9:51 PM, August 29th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The AP divorced her H early on in the A...he had a MOMENT of panic.....the REAL panic set in when I found his phone and saw a few emails.....
she really thought they had a future...a future based on lies???
My future is not based on lies.....what does that make MY future???
My future is based on faith and forgiveness
AND acceptance ....

3 adult children 1D 2S
LTA 06-2010 - 11-2012
D-day - 11-11-2012
status - reconciling and very hopeful
"Let Go of Control; Let God's Life Flow" ...Richard Rohr

Posts: 678 | Registered: Apr 2014 | From: sunny california
♀ Member
Member # 43350
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, August 30th (Saturday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hopeful77, it makes your future one based on reality with a foundation that is solid.

My H's OW banished her H to another state (she's rich and could do that) but did not divorce him. I think she was waiting for my H to leave me first. Which makes me crazy when I think of it. What in the heck kind of marriage do they have? If your S banished you to another state to carry on an A, wouldn't YOU file for D?

These relationships which are based on lies and deceit are also full of so much darkness and unsettling details - I hate with all my being that our marriage has been plunged into this 7th layer of hell.

Faith, forgiveness, and acceptance, as well as the firm belief in the seriousness of vows and promises made before God and witnesses, is what my M is based on and is why I am here.

Hope you are having a good one!

Me: early 50's
WH: early 50's
Married: 23 years
DS: 21 years old
Other DS: 18 years old
D-day: 2/14/2014
H's AP lasted 6 years, but we are both trying hard to R.

Posts: 448 | Registered: May 2014
Topic Posts: 26
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