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People who are always late - is this a real thing?

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allusions posted 5/12/2017 19:56 PM

I have a friend who is chronically late. Now when I want to meet up with her at a certain time, I will give her a time that is actually 30 mins sooner, like we are supposed to meet at 7:00pm and I will tell her to meet at 6:30. It works! Problem solved.

I know that won't work for the 'I'm just going to run home real quick and come back'situation.

mamazen posted 5/14/2017 19:52 PM

This would be a deal breaker for me. Because, in hindsight, my xWH did it all the time, from the beginning. He too, didn't get it, and never apologized or tried to empathize with my point of view about it. It was actually a sign of his passive-aggressive abuse, his covert narcissism, his complete invalidation of me. I only realized this while processing while going through the D hell. I was a great deny-er; I guess I didn't think I deserved better.

Now I'm not insisting this is the case with you, but I'd advise you to keep your antenna tuned for it, and go with your gut. You deserve to be validated, to be heard. *That's* the red flag. That this isn't happening.

Good luck.

Scubachick posted 5/31/2017 14:30 PM

I'm one of those people. It's one my worst qualities. I do believe my inattentive ADD does play a small part though. However, I've worked with my IC to figure out ways to improve it, such as timing how long it takes me to go from point a to point b, setting multiple alarms and yet I don't practice those suggestions on a regular basis.

I understand that some people feel like it's a sign of disrespect and take it very personally. I have no ill intent behind my lateness. I don't think my time is more important than anyone else. I don't start my day planning on being late to everything. I'm lucky that my friends and family are understanding. We joke about it a lot. I even have a shirt that says "Sorry I'm late" and another that says "Always late". When I was running late for a date one time, I was all stressed and worked up about being late and I kept apologizing. He said that I never need to apologize to him for that again. He said I knew you would be late. It doesn't bother me that your always late because your good qualities outweigh your bad ones 10 to 1.

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