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Yet another new man...

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Brighteyes posted 5/27/2017 07:38 AM

Hi everyone. I'm having a pity party and just want someone to tell me it will all be okay.

I'm scheduled to meet yet another new man today. He seems genuinely kind and good, but boring. I'm hoping I'm wrong, but just from talking with him this week it sounds like he's content to go to work, come home, rinse and repeat. I'm an active person. I like to do something every day, even if it's just a walk in the woods, and I like exploring and trying new things. I already don't think we'll be a match, but he does seem kind and decent so I'm trying to be open.

I've met multiple other men and not a single one interested me. Yet these same men all acted like they were so glad we met because we would be great together? What? I'm bored with you and you don't care? You think we'd be great together even though I'd be bored out of my mind?

Ugh. I know I'm being unkind, but I just had to get this out. I really do try to be open and positive, but this morning I secretly just want to give up and accept that I'll be alone forever because men are boring.

Thank you for listening to my rant. I'm normally a very kind person....

Phantasmagoria posted 5/27/2017 08:27 AM

Unfortunately you're correct....we're all boring...

Brighteyes posted 5/27/2017 08:44 AM

Normally I'm a good sport and would find your reply amusing, but today actually feel like crying.

shakentocore posted 5/27/2017 08:59 AM

Are you meeting these men via OLD? Maybe you need to change your profile. Ask a male friend (or SI) to read what you have. Maybe you are being cautious, but "sense of adventure" =\= "cheater" so be upfront about what you want and expect from a companion.

I have a friend who is going through something similar on OLD. Men realize she is not crazy and holds down a job and try to get a long term commitment from her. The thing is, she realizes that "being with a partner that is employed and not insane" might make the men happy, but she realizes she needs something more and just because they are content with so little doesn't mean she has to be. Same for you!

WhatsRight posted 5/27/2017 09:05 AM

Well, no matter how it seems to you now, I promise you all men are not boring.

Early in our marriage, before health issues prevented it, my H was ALWAYS on the go. Never sitting still - and he is in a wheelchair.

Good for you for not giving up.

I often wonder what makes people think they would be good together before they even meet. Whatever happened to having a 'date' with someone just to share some time together? No thoughts of forever, or dreams of soulmate, or even the necessity of a 2nd date. Just hopefully pleasant time together.

What are grown men doing, saying early on that they think "we would be great together"?

Here's an idea.....next time you will be meeting someone, make it something you want to do! "Sure, I'd love to hang out...I'm going skateboarding/hiking/to the museum/rock climbing, and you could join me!" That's one way to see if he could 'hang' with your lifestyle.

It WILL be OK.

Never forget these very prophetic words.....

"You have to kiss a lot of frogs to meet a handsome prince."

Hang in there, and be sure they meet you halfway!

5454real posted 5/27/2017 09:07 AM

What? I'm bored with you and you don't care? You think we'd be great together even though I'd be bored out of my mind?

Do they know that you're bored?

It sounds like you've got your priorities in place. Don't settle for less than you deserve. There's a match for you out there, sometimes it takes a while.

Strength

Brighteyes posted 5/27/2017 09:10 AM

Yes, OLD. My profile says something to the affect of that I like hiking, biking, walking and try to do something active everyday, that I like filling up the tank and getting in the car and seeing where I end up and what kind of adventure I can find, that I like exploring new areas and trying new things. I mention that intelliegent conversation is important to me, as are integrity and self confidence. I mention having wonderful family and friends, but missing a relationship with a man.

Granted, the pickings are pretty slim where I live, but this all makes me sad.

Oh, and I'm in my early 50s, which seems to mean I can choose from tired and boring or unhealthy and boring, which is sad because my women friends my age are also active and healthy and can't find anyone interesting.

And I am sorry if this offends any if the men reading. That's not my intention. I'm just really having a big old pity party for myself today.

Brighteyes posted 5/27/2017 09:37 AM

And I'm active in meetups also. I'm in a few groups that hike or do other active things. I met a nice man on a hike a while back and he messaged asking if I'd like to get together to hike again. I remembered that he mentioned owning a local business so I googled it and saw a nice picture of him and his lovely wife!

I'm in a few singles type groups and the men in those are either boring or peculiar or sketchy. I actually got a message from one that said simply "which one were you". I did not respond.

Positive attitude, positive attitude.....

WhatsRight posted 5/27/2017 10:16 AM

"Which one were you?" ???

WhatsRight posted 5/27/2017 11:30 AM

Slight t/j...

I met a nice man on a hike a while back and he messaged asking if I'd like to get together to hike again. I remembered that he mentioned owning a local business so I googled it and saw a nice picture of him and his lovely wife.

This literally makes me sick. I think I might be tempted to let her know.

What a PIG!!!

End t/j

Phoenix1 posted 5/27/2017 12:09 PM

Hang in there, brighteyes, and DON'T settle for the sake of settling. The right guy is out there.

I'm in the 50+ crowd, and quite active myself, but my SO is so active I sometimes have a hard time keeping up with HIM! Active guys ARE out there, in our age bracket, and though I know this gets trite, be patient.

Be positive...

Catwoman posted 5/27/2017 12:38 PM

One might call my SO of 7 years boring. He doesn't own a television. He enjoys his alone time. He doesn't have a smartphone or even internet at his home. He doesn't like crowds, big events or going out to eat.

But he's amazingly well-read, a fabulous conversationalist, has a great sense of humor and is willing to try new things.

He's also one of the kindest people I know.

Don't prejudge. Sometimes we get too wrapped up in trying to figure out if we have a future with someone that we ignore what is going on in the present. I always looked to OLD as a way to meet new people. If it worked and we ended up spending time together and then in a relationship--GREAT! If not, I've expanded my horizons.

My daughters tease me about my SO, who is about 180 degrees from their father. I am very okay with that, frankly.

Cat

Brighteyes posted 5/27/2017 13:54 PM

Well that was a bust. Not only are his pictures clearly not recent, but I asked him what he does for fun. He said he likes to fish every weekend. He mentioned hiking, but with a little more digging, he admitted that he hadn't been in a long time and said he's too tired to do anything when he gets home from work, so no, he's not active.

As if that wasn't enough, it turns out we have differing political views, which in this day and age really goes to the heart of core values.

Cat woman, I'm happy for you that you found someone special, but being active is an important part of my life. I recognize it's not a priority to everyone. I don't see it as being judgemental anymore than someone who doesn't drink wouldn't necessarily want to date someone who goes out partying every weekend. It's about compatibility.

Oh well. I think I'm just going to focus on other aspects of my life for now. Thanks for listening to me whine everyone.

smokenfire posted 5/27/2017 15:24 PM

At the risk of sounding terribly sexist, I think when it comes to OLD, many men don't actually read the entire profile. Really. I am very specific in mine (back when I was actually dating, I am not, it was premature on my part). I know this because I had very specific things in mine and the messages I received were contrary to what I had said. Also, I'm fifty and while I'm not in any way insinuating you are “old” but when my mom was dating she was ultra fit (older then you) could walk or bike twenty miles without blinking, it was dam near impossible for her to find men who were equally fit. She took some guy with her to the painted desert and he sat in the car while she hiked (with the a/c on). I know for a period she only dated younger men who could keep up with her in activity. She's happily remarried. The new hubby needs two knee replacements from years and years and of jogging. She's 71 now, not as active. I don't spend time with her and him beause she treats him horribly, long story. So my suggestion is put something in your first line or title about activity level OR if you are looking for a work out guy friend, date younger.

Phantasmagoria posted 5/27/2017 19:00 PM

Normally I'm a good sport and would find your reply amusing, but today actually feel like crying.

Go ahead and cry it out if it helps! It helps me sometimes. I'm Beta enough to do it, and Alpha enough not to give a sh!t about admitting it!

Even when you find someone who seems fantastic, if the timing is off for one of you, then the relationship ends up being a bust! You're doing the right thing though, you're not settling for less than you deserve. It can be painful, but I personally have hope and faith that it will be worth the perseverance. If you can, try and think that way too!

letmeout posted 5/28/2017 23:27 PM

As someone stated earlier you probably should change your profile and be more specific about your wants and needs.

Being a guy I gave up on onine dating sites because none of the profiles written actually met who the person really was or what they really wanted. From my experience every woman's profile in general terms is they would love outdoor activities, hiking etc etc. They want adventure and passion. They all read the same and it's all geared toward receiving many contacts. I never met a single one that actually liked anything outdoor related, anything spontaneous usually really meant it had to be planned well ahead of time.

Guys write profiles the same way too, meant to attract lots of potential contacts, not necessarily what they really want in a companion. Both sexes do it.

LilBlackCat posted 5/30/2017 12:38 PM

I think you just gotta be patient...

I did the OLD thing for a lil bit..

But, I would say 95% of all female profiles said the same thing.. Like letmeout stated..

Give it more time, and pre-screen them more with your likes and what you feel would fit your type more accurately..

Good luck.

tiredofcrying59 posted 5/30/2017 12:50 PM

At the risk of sounding terribly sexist, I think when it comes to OLD, many men don't actually read the entire profile


I think they look at the picture. period.

I'd give it more time, focus on doing what you like to do. Maybe you will meet someone doing the things you like to do and then you know you've found someone compatible. It's easy around here, as we have tons of hiking trails, camping, and we're surrounded with outdoorsy people. Is moving an option? JK sort of, but maybe?

EvenKeel posted 5/30/2017 13:10 PM

I think you just gotta be patient...
I agree. OLD is a huge sea and I had found almost every type there. And a few unidentifiable species too

I don't think you are looking for the impossible. There are a lot of folks who are very into activity so don't give up.

I would definitely outline what an "active" person looks like for you. Maybe even write your profile in an old fashion FSM way with a tongue-in-check edge? Or a fun quiz?

Do you surf or would you like to take a class to try it out? Couch-surfers need not apply.

Ok - not really but I would definitely outline what an 'active' person looks like to you because it could mean very different things to different people.

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 1:11 PM, May 30th (Tuesday)]

Randy1133 posted 5/30/2017 13:29 PM

Yes, OLD. My profile says something to the affect of that I like hiking, biking, walking and try to do something active everyday, that I like filling up the tank and getting in the car and seeing where I end up and what kind of adventure I can find, that I like exploring new areas and trying new things. I mention that intelliegent conversation is important to me, as are integrity and self confidence. I mention having wonderful family and friends, but missing a relationship with a man.

Literally, this sounds like every OLD profile I've ever ran into. I'm not even joking.

All you need for a date are mutual attraction, let everything else fall where it may. No dating resume you put together is going to describe the real you. That only comes by actually meeting the person.

If its really a must the guy bike or hike or whatever every day, then I'd ask him questions like that before you agree to a date.

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