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smokenfire posted 6/5/2017 13:47 PM

This may sound like bunk, and if it does, I'm confident you all will tell me. I'm giving it a whirl and YES I've had the obligatory hook up offer.... and was told, this app IS for hooking up. Ummm No it isn't.

I'm not looking to date, I just want to make adult friends and work on building a life. Not looking to hook up or even for love. Just company and friends. I feel like I'm so isolated all the sideways bull shit from the ex is getting to me. I feel like if I were out more and busier it would bother me less.

SallyShrink81 posted 6/5/2017 14:19 PM

Some apps are notoriously known for hooking up. Some not so much.

Sounds like the response you got was the other person being defensive and justifying their actions mixed in with some shame on their part.

There are a lot of ways to meet people online and in person depending on how outgoing and extroverted vs how introverted and reserved you are.

StrongHeart posted 6/5/2017 14:41 PM

While Bumble may or may not be for hookups in your area, I, myself, would be wary of those on "dating apps" who say they are not interested in dating.

Have you tried other groups like meet up and such?

IfYouCanDream posted 6/5/2017 14:44 PM

I agree with StrongHeart - hook up vs dating debate aside, those apps are generally used to find someone to engage with in more than friendship. I would be confused to see someone not wanting to date on a dating app, kwim?

smokenfire posted 6/5/2017 14:44 PM

I did look into meet up and was shocked at how little there was. Not even one thing that interested me and well I'm interested in a lot. I may delete who knows. I just said, well I haven't tried that one yet so....

eta - I keep saying I'm going to do "this" but then never do. I've made a friend of similiar age (same sex) at my daughter's complex who is like a breath of fresh air. She's a super nice lady. Posting it here means I have to get real about it. So....

Yea, I'll probably delete the app and that's okay as long as I keep moving forward.

[This message edited by smokenfire at 3:04 PM, June 5th (Monday)]

kpstartingover posted 6/5/2017 15:56 PM

Agree that there's very little reason to go on a dating app looking for friends only but also a good reminder to the folks who wonder why someone would be on a dating app if they didn't want a relationship!

I really tried with MeetUps, I did, but they are bad in my area. The women only ones are cliqueish with lots of drama and the co-ed ones are full of predators. Their numbers have dwindled in my area and the majority are private now and you have to apply (and sometimes answer 10 questions) before they'll let you join.

Are you on Facebook? I've had much better success searching Facebook events in my area. It's good for finding things that are going on and you can kind of scope the participants beforehand. I think Facebook events has killed meetups in my city.

I've also had luck with specifically seeking out activities via stores or organizations that cater to that hobby. Instead of looking for a meetup about running, go to a running store (or their website) and see if they hold any weekly events. Instead of searching for book clubs on meetup, go to a bookstore or look on their website for reading groups.

ADryHeat posted 6/6/2017 00:13 AM

Bumble has a feature to search just for friends, but I cannot recall if you can search for opposite sex friends. Did you look into that?

IMO, OLD sites are not the place to seek out friendships. That said, I think it's totally ok to be seeking someone to date but expect that you can start slowly and spend time getting to know each other before letting it develop into romance or physical stuff. You just have to be clear about that. I'll tell you as a woman when I see men who have 'Not really looking to date' type intros on OLD, no matter how intriguing they are I skip past them. But that doesn't mean EVERYONE does that. Other people maybe ok with it. In fact, I have a female friend who lives in a very small AZ town and loves to hike, but struggles to meet new people. She is on OLD but specifies she is looking for a hiking partner and if more develops naturally she's open to it. It's worked for her for meeting new people, but not so much for dating.

No matter your desire on OLD though, fuck anyone who tries to convince you that your way is 'wrong' and 'everyone knows this site is for hooking up'.

smokenfire posted 6/6/2017 13:24 PM

I won't say I've never hooked up in my life, I have but that's not for me NOW. I respect myself too much to be someone's "right now, till something better". Not going to happen, and I wouldn't do that to anyone else either.

Mostly, I'm just looking to adult. I plan on building a friendship with the lady I met, she's amazing and I could probably learn a lot from her. My youngest is here now too and I epic failed on parenting her in her teens so I feel like she's behind the eight ball now in early adulthood. I will be spending time with her.

I've met the neighbors at the other house, but they are kind of pricky in that they let their dog pee on the bushes if they think I"m not on the porch (I smoke) which is just plan rude. So we chatter from time to time about the neighborhood and what not.

CornflakeGirl posted 6/6/2017 13:50 PM

If you are looking for a friend, try to join groups with similar interests.

I joined a single parents group and met some people that I could talk to and it was great. It's also where I found my SO. We weren't looking to date too which made it that much more special.

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