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Too much pain and sorrow

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Bigger posted 10/2/2017 15:04 PM

t/j
Rubix – you won’t find a greater advocate for exposure than me. Year after year I have strongly suggested exposing as possibly the best tool to end infidelity.
But… It must serve a purpose.

Arbuom is determined to divorce. He’s separating as the first step to that goal. Once separated/divorced then his ex-wife can do the local football team and Arbuom has nothing to say about it. It’s not infidelity. He has no role and therefore no purpose in exposing.

Yes – he should tell the OMW simply as the decent and correct thing to do. If the former Mrs. Arbuom is available and OM is suddenly spending evenings out “with the boys” then Mrs. OM definitely needs to know. Telling her serves a purpose.

But telling a friend so she can gossip about OM… What’s the purpose? Will it make Arbuom more divorced? Plus – EA’s are hard to understand for those that haven’t gone through infidelity. A major reason this marriage is dying is because WW doesn’t realize she’s cheating. She doesn’t see this as infidelity. Think spreading the work that OM and WW were “too good friends” will do anyone any good? I think it will only get people talking about how mixed up Aubuom is.

I don’t see it. I can only see this done as revenge.

BTW – I did what was possibly the near-perfect 180 and detachment when I ended my nearly six year relationship. That was after I walked in on my finace having sex with OM in my bed, less than 5 weeks before our big planned wedding. I told everyone that was a stakeholder in my life what had happened. But I made one mistake I regret to this day. I sent a cancelation card to everyone we had invited to the ceremony where I wrote something like “There might be a marriage – Name_of_fiance seemed to be really enthralled with the man she was f@cking – but Bigger definitely won’t be there”.
There was no need for me to be so direct, crude and crass and I have regretted doing this since.


Aubuom – Definitely tell your friends and family why you are divorcing. But don’t bother telling others.

Limboaz posted 10/2/2017 15:08 PM

Actually, lately she hasn't even been leaving the house! She's in pretty bad shape, and I'm worried about her. She's not eating. And has dropped below a 100lb. Scary.

I've already told STBX that after we walk our separate ways, she needs to give me space. I don't want her to call me (unless it's an emergency relating to the kids), I don't want to see her, I want nothing to do with her. And it's driving her crazy.

What the hell did she think would happen when she callously told you she didn't love you anymore, and when she shoved that EA in your face while you were dying inside??

arbuom posted 10/2/2017 20:20 PM

Stevesn

I think that you might be psychic! Your posts have always pointed to things I’ve wondered about, and this last one has really hit home. Thank you always for taking the time to write, this has been immensely therapeutic.

I do struggle to wrap my head around it all as your experience does not to me appear to be cookie cutter like some of the others stories we hear at SI.

When I wrote my first post of this thread, I wanted to say that I thought my situation was unique, but then I erased it because I was sure that the collective would tell me that every WS follows the cheaters handbook. I still think that my stitch is a tough one to crack.

If I have it right you are sure she’s had an EA with POSOM but she doesn’t admit to PA and you tend to believe that.

I hope you’ll believe me when I say that I married the biggest prude on this planet. I doubt any one else comes even close. This is what is so fucking shocking about what happened. STBX is the last person I EVER imagined would betray me. I still can’t believe it. She still vehemently denies that she had an EA (let alone a PA), but I think she did. The only thing she’s finally admitted to, is that she may have lead the POSOM on to cause him to give her that fucking book. If anything, I’m certain that she was enjoying all the attention that the POSOM was giving her. There is no doubt about that. But the thing that killed me all along, was that I was suffering, and she knew that, but kept doing what she did and didn’t fucking care. I told her early on that this guy will make a move on her, and she said he wouldn’t because she told him that their friendship is strictly platonic. She doesn’t have any dating experience (despite being a bombshell), and I think she was being stupid. She’s never heard of the “bait and switch method”.

Believe me the EA is enough. And more BS’s should realize like you that an EA is equal to or perhaps even more damaging than a PA. So I don’t doubt at all the approach youre taking. kudos in fact for being able to see her betrayal for what it is.

See, I think her EA is equivalent to another WS fucking a whole football team! This is related to what I wrote above. She was such a prude. Does this make sense? She was a woman with extreme virtue, morals, values and just straight goodness. And for her to pull something like this is plain shocking and devastating. I’m so fucking devastated, I married a true gem, a perfect woman. So beautiful on the inside and out. She’s a doctor. Smart. Stunning. Sweet. Loving. Affectionate. Sexy. I can go on and on. And then she FUCKED it all up. I told her the other day that I wish last year never happened, and she completely agrees. It’s killing her that after being the perfect wife for 12 years (she was), her legacy to me is that she cheated.

However you don’t believe she is in the EA anymore and are unsure that she will Even end up with him (as he may even still be married and not planning to D) after your Separation or Divorce is complete.

I’m almost certain she isn’t. Like I said, she’s not leaving the house much. And I’m 100% sure that she won’t end up with him. She’s told everyone around her, throughout this shit storm, that POSOM was just a friend. Knowing her personally, there is no fucking way she could change that story. Unless she wants to live the rest of her live hiding her love affair. Also, I’m pretty sure POSOM is till married. His wife makes boat loads of money, and my STBX makes none (although she will have LOTS when she leaves me). I’m certain that STBX was a challenge that POSOM wanted, and after he got what he wanted, he’ll move on to the next victim.

My confusion is with her. Is she just too stubborn to admit the pain she thrust upon you and is willing to give up the M and you just on principle?

This is why I think you are psychic. You are describing my STBX to the T. She is often so set in her ways, it’s impossible to get to see any other point of view.

Or is it that she wants out of the marriage for her alone for unknown reasons and not to be with any future partner?

Well, she claims that I wasn’t a good husband for the 12 years prior to the A. I was controlling, didn’t help her with the kids, and that I was emotionally unavailable. But I find it too much of a coincidence that she came to that conclusion at the same time as she was having an EA with the POSOM. I call bullshit. And to prove it, here is her birthday card to me, a mere 14 months ago:

“Dearest Darling Arbuom

Happy Birthday! This card may be a bit cheesy, but it’s absolutely true - today is a special day for me to celebrate wonderful you + all the special things you are to me - my husband, my friend, my lover, my comfort, my security, my home, my family, my man, my many thoughts, my happiness (and sadness), my heart. I love you so much and I treasure every second with you. You are my darling, kind, loving, sweet, lovely heart mate.

xoxoxoxo

Your smitten STBX”

You couldn't write this shit if you weren't happy!

If I had done what she did, and no longer was involved with the AP, I would be begging my BS to stay and professing my love for her.

Something is happening to her. She is not herself. I think she is waking from her fog, but I doubt it’ll happen fully before we sign the separation agreement. Who knows!?

I am so impressed by you even as I am so perplexed by her.

Your words of encouragement mean the world to me, Thank you!

arbuom posted 10/2/2017 20:23 PM

Bigger, Rubix

I've always regretted doing things based on revenge. And I can see this being revenge. I'm gonna need to think about it.

But I will certainly pay the OBS a visit.

Sharkman posted 10/2/2017 20:46 PM

How can she even say this wasn’t an affair with a straight face? She was reading that book with a big dumb grin all vacation. She was literally caught with her hand in the cookie jar.

bobdobalina posted 10/2/2017 21:58 PM

Arb do you think looking back you would of done anything differently or tried to nip it in the bud much earlier
Even the first display you wrote about of xw in the pool in a sexy costume with another man would of tipped a lot of guys to show a sign of discomfort and said something and made sure he could hear
The second regarding the book would of been a instant tell all where you stood and ripped into him either by phone or in person remember you dont die from embarrassment.
I take you and him have never had words yet
best of luck

[This message edited by bobdobalina at 5:23 AM, October 3rd (Tuesday)]

bobdobalina posted 10/2/2017 22:04 PM

Just to add i know its much easier to comment from the other side of the computer screen than to be in the horror of watching your life collapse before your eyes

M1965 posted 10/3/2017 05:06 AM

arbuom,

I must admit that I have thought long and hard about what possible motivation there may have been for your wife to do what she has done. At the risk of asking a bit of boneheaded question, do you think this might be some kind of mid-life crisis? That she suddenly took a look at herself, the marriage, everything, and just thought, "Is this me? Is this what I want? Where am I going" All the kinds of things that hit people in mid-life crisis mode.

What makes me ask that is because whatever the nature of the relationship with the OM was, it seems almost like that whole thing was a by-product or consequence of something else that was going on in your wife's head. That the thing with the OM may have happened because of a mid-life crisis, but that it was not the cause of the MLC, and that even if he is totally out of the picture now, the MLC is continuing to roll on under its own momentum.

That is the 'feel' that I get from everything in your thread. It seems like the OM, such as he was, was more like a welcome distraction for your wife from whatever crisis or malaise she was sinking into, rather than a romantic fixation, and that perhaps what may have appeared to be a romantic fixation on the guy was actually her mental and emotional need for the distraction he provided from whatever issues your wife was having about herself or the marriage.

And now, in the aftermath, does it seem like she is particularly pining for the OM? It doesn't sound like it. So where has the romantic fixation gone? If she was fixated on him, she would now be able to see more of him, so she ought to be happy. Only, she's not happy, is she? If anything, it is like the OM is no longer relevant, as if she no longer needs the distraction he provided from whatever unhappy thoughts were going on in her mind.

It may well be that the OM thought his luck was in, but it's not like this was an exit affair, and your wife had plans to ride into the sunset with the OM. There was never any prospect of doing that, if he is a stay-at-home-Dad, reliant on his wife for everything. If anything, it looks like your wife has collapsed the marriage with no idea of where she is going or what she is doing. Maybe the reality of that 'gap' in her life is finally sinking in now, because it sounds like she is in a sorry state, with no plans at all.

I can see why reading that card from her, and trying to reconcile her words with her subsequently saying she has been unhappy for years makes your head spin. I actually think that she meant those words when she wrote them, but that she has been revising and rewriting the marital history in her head more recently. BS's often get told there have been problems for years by partners who had never said a peep, and seemed perfectly happy for years.

I am starting to see a mid-life crisis as a more likely explanation for the events in your thread than your wife destroying the marriage for the sake of the OM. And that would actually synch with her refusal to say that there was any kind of affair, whether emotional or physical. As I say, I am sure the OM thought he was in luck, and unless he or your wife suddenly fess up, you will never really know the extent that things reached. However, as horrible as his presence was for you, this seems like a different kind of malaise that entered your wife's mind, rather than just an infatuation with someone else. No less devastating for you, but just 'different' from a run-of-the-mill affair.

The other thing I was thinking about was the whole 'revenge' debate. I was thinking that as you have known that couple for a long time, maybe you could just sit down with them and explain what has happened, not in an angry or accusatory way, not blaming anyone, but just explain what has happened between you and your wife so they know your side of things. That is not vengeful, nor is it inviting them to hate the OM. Frame it as just an explanation of your point of view to a pair of old friends who know both you and your wife.

I think it might be cathartic for you to be able to open up to them, and as they know both of you, they will obviously be concerned and surprised by what has happened. The motivation for such an explanation would not be revenge, but rather ensuring that they have an insight into what you have been through, so they can support and understand you as you move forward. I am sure they will want to do that, if they really are friends.

I understand your desire to have a 'cut-off' period, with very limited contact with your wife. I think that will help you a lot, and it will also let her adjust to the new reality that she has created. However, it does look like your wife is not entirely well or healthy. Being apart from you may exacerbate that, and while it could be argued that she has brought everything on herself, you do love her, she is the mother of your kids, and nobody would want her to have some kind of nervous breakdown.

So what I am thinking is that perhaps you could go and see that couple you were going to have the discussion with about the OM, and instead of that, have a long talk with them about everything that has happened, the changes in your wife's behaviour that you have noticed, explain that you need a break from your wife to get your head together, but ask them if they can keep an eye on your wife, because she seems to be in a state of freefall at the moment.

You said that the wife in the couple is good friends with your wife, so she could be a great support to your wife in case she is starting to come a bit unglued. If they are willing to do that, it means your wife would have support, while allowing you to have your much-needed break from her.

As ever, arbuom, please take anything form this that is useful, and leave what is not.

[This message edited by M1965 at 7:06 AM, October 3rd (Tuesday)]

Chappie posted 10/3/2017 07:32 AM

How does your wife explain actually going out on dates with the OM? Going out for coffee and lunch with a man is a date. How does she explain the book now in hindsight?

Have you read her what she wrote in you birthday card and ask her what happened to completely change her mind?

I think you should google how to pick up married women.
There are sights that give specific instructions. It would be an eye opener for you and your wife. What she is telling you now about being controlling etc. sounds like what he fed her.

M1965 posted 10/3/2017 09:08 AM

What she is telling you now about being controlling etc. sounds like what he fed her.

It is quite possible that the guy may have said all kinds of things with a view to promoting dissatisfaction, but a wavering spouse always has to be open to hearing it, and to agreeing with it. Otherwise, the suggestions would just be rejected. It would be sad if the OM did sow the seeds of discontent with the aim of enabling an affair to happen, but they were taken to heart and led to a crisis that collapsed the marriage.

It is possible that there may be more revelations from Mrs arbuom in the weeks to come, as her fog continues to clear, reality sinks in, and she may come to question what she has done. I do not so much mean about the OM, to whatever extent he was an 'OM', but about her thought processes and intentions. The 'why' of it, which matters so much to we BS's.
I hope that eventually she will be able to give arbuom a better explanation for why this happened.

I know this is a painful time for all concerned, arbuom, but I do think that at some point you should ask your wife about why she wrote statements like those in your card if she was so dissatisfied and unhappy for so long. Not from an argumentative point of view, but to get her to understand that if she had been more emotionally available, and told you about the things she is now saying to you, you would have been happy to have worked on them. But given the messages she was sending you, anyone would have thought she was happy, so how on Earth were you supposed to fix something that you did not know was broken? Like you, I think this is a case of someone re-writing history, and deciding they must have been unhappy in hindsight, but it is a valid point that she only seems to have realised that she was unhappy for 12 years in the space of the last year and a half.

Jduff posted 10/3/2017 11:30 AM

Well, she claims that I wasn’t a good husband for the 12 years prior to the A. I was controlling, didn’t help her with the kids, and that I was emotionally unavailable. 

What we also say here is that waywards project their own flaws on to the BS. That their perception of their BS's shortcomings are more often their own. You say she was a such a prude. Maybe she's heard this from others as well and as a result been pressured to be less controlling of her own self and be able to let loose more. This is one of the angles that OMs try to place a wedge into relationships to start cock-blocking you by transfering her struggles to be that "less prude woman" to a "blame arbuom" campaign as being the controlling husband that wants to keep his bombshell wife a "prude".

The whole mental gymnastics that "players" or serial cheaters employ to make the husband the bad guy, the enemy, the barrier to her happiness is about as old as the development of human communication. They are pretty words as a means to simple end. Sex.

Has your WW read "Not Just Friends"? It explains EAs so well. I would give her a copy along with all of those cards she wrote you. I always say that the very first person the cheaters bettay is their own self. She reads that book and then those cards she has written you over the years then she has but two conclusions to come to. Either she lied to herself all this time about how a wonderful husband you were or she lied to herself about all of your flaws she recently discovered.

From what I understand of your D process there are 15 months for her to read that book, seek IC, and come around to show you she does in fact give a damn about you and the M. Whether you end up R or D there needs to be consequences for her to feel. This may mean the house is already sold, the ink on the D papers are nearly dry and she finally gives that heartfelt "is it too late to ask you if we can try to save the M?" Then again, maybe that question comes 6 month after the D is final. One thing you will make absolutely clear to her in your actions are that you will move heaven and earth to get yourself out infidelity.

goalong posted 10/3/2017 15:31 PM

Arboum,
What a transformation, from a person struggling to address/deal with his wife behavior to person in full control even as he has close interactions with the wife where as the wife has turned in to a person who is suddenly unable to deal with her betrayals. Hope yours is not a roller coaster

arbuom posted 10/3/2017 17:30 PM

M1965

Wow. Between you and Stevesn, you guys are starting to make complete sense of the situation. This is exactly why I suffered for a whole fucking year! I couldn’t make any sense of what was happening, and as you know, I actually decided to end it because she said she didn’t love me, and less so becuase of the A. This is incredible.

I must admit that I have thought long and hard about what possible motivation there may have been for your wife to do what she has done. At the risk of asking a bit of boneheaded question, do you think this might be some kind of mid-life crisis? That she suddenly took a look at herself, the marriage, everything, and just thought, "Is this me? Is this what I want? Where am I going" All the kinds of things that hit people in mid-life crisis mode.

This is something that I’ve pondered long and hard. And there is great truth to it. This shit storm started shortly after our youngest became full day at school. Suddenly she was free. Also, she had just turned 40! Although I don’t think her age should have affected her, she is beautiful, looks like she is 30, and probably has 5% body fat. But 40 hit people in different ways. So to answer you question, yes, this has MLC written all over it!

What makes me ask that is because whatever the nature of the relationship with the OM was, it seems almost like that whole thing was a by-product or consequence of something else that was going on in your wife's head. That the thing with the OM may have happened because of a mid-life crisis, but that it was not the cause of the MLC, and that even if he is totally out of the picture now, the MLC is continuing to roll on under its own momentum.

My take on this has more to do with the POSOM being a SAHD. I think her being a SAHM was the worst decision we took together. I think her being a doctor and putting that aside, has killed her sense of self. And she needed some validation that her being a SAHM had some worth. And what better than having a SAHD tell her that she was amazing. And he’s 3 years younger. I’m pretty sure that they both complained about their spouses, and how little help we are giving them.

That is the 'feel' that I get from everything in your thread. It seems like the OM, such as he was, was more like a welcome distraction for your wife from whatever crisis or malaise she was sinking into, rather than a romantic fixation, and that perhaps what may have appeared to be a romantic fixation on the guy was actually her mental and emotional need for the distraction he provided from whatever issues your wife was having about herself or the marriage.

There is one important development from our discussion the other night that I omitted to mention. I’m really good with computers, and I’ve discovered that I can retrieve deleted emails from her computer. So during our evening discussion, I asked her if I can look at her computer, and I said that I can get some of the deleted emails, and she surprised me by agreeing! So while she watched, I proceeded to unearth emails from and to the POSOM. She was shocked, but let me continue. I found one that was slightly damning. She wrote the POSOM an email at 4:59am on Christmas morning. In it there was a bunch of fluff, until the very end where after signing the email, she wrote: “PS. Christmas is about miracles, do you believe in miracles? Because you might be getting a miracle in the New Year!”. To which he wrote back: “There is only one miracle I want in the New Year!”. I asked her what the miracle was, and she said it was them going out for coffee again (which I believe), but it could have a simple: “guess what!? we can start to get together again for coffee”, as appose to the sexual tension that that exchange represents! She stopped me after that email, and said that was enough. So while I would like to believe that it was just a distraction, there is something EA’ish there for sure. And this is only one email. How many more like it (or worse) are there. Also, she admitted to giving him a “goodbye” letter on valentines when he gave her the book. She said that she took it back and destroyed it. I will never know what she told him!

And now, in the aftermath, does it seem like she is particularly pining for the OM? It doesn't sound like it. So where has the romantic fixation gone? If she was fixated on him, she would now be able to see more of him, so she ought to be happy. Only, she's not happy, is she? If anything, it is like the OM is no longer relevant, as if she no longer needs the distraction he provided from whatever unhappy thoughts were going on in her mind.

It really felt like she was pinning for the OM early on, especially after my mom contacted his wife. She was so angry, and the only explanation that I could come with at the time, was that we spoiled her fun. Also, if you recall from my first post, during the time when I told her that she was done with the POSOM, she ghosted me for a week. She’s definitely not happy, and I strongly believe that the reason she’s not seeing him, is because she is afraid of his wife, and her reputation with her parents. She told them about the book, and told that she did nothing wrong to get that book. It’s all a pretty fucked up situation. The thing that kills me about this whole fucking thing, is that I can’t fucking believe that all is this shit is worth blowing up her marriage, husband and children! Especially if really there is nothing romantic about the POSOM!

If anything, it looks like your wife has collapsed the marriage with no idea of where she is going or what she is doing. Maybe the reality of that 'gap' in her life is finally sinking in now, because it sounds like she is in a sorry state, with no plans at all.

I was talking to my cousin the other day about this exact thing. She has no fucking plan! Seriously! It actually kind of hurts! It sounds like she’d rather do anything but be with me! Yet she asks for hugs from me every morning! WTF!

I can see why reading that card from her, and trying to reconcile her words with her subsequently saying she has been unhappy for years makes your head spin. I actually think that she meant those words when she wrote them, but that she has been revising and rewriting the marital history in her head more recently. BS's often get told there have been problems for years by partners who had never said a peep, and seemed perfectly happy for years.

She told me that she absolutely meant every words she wrote, but she was trying really hard to make things better. She’s also told me several times that the “friendship” was the catalyst to exposing issues in the marriage. I think what she means there is my trying to control her by making her end her friendship with the POSOM. Or the way I went about making her end that friendship.

I am starting to see a mid-life crisis as a more likely explanation for the events in your thread than your wife destroying the marriage for the sake of the OM. And that would actually synch with her refusal to say that there was any kind of affair, whether emotional or physical. As I say, I am sure the OM thought he was in luck, and unless he or your wife suddenly fess up, you will never really know the extent that things reached. However, as horrible as his presence was for you, this seems like a different kind of malaise that entered your wife's mind, rather than just an infatuation with someone else. No less devastating for you, but just 'different' from a run-of-the-mill affair.

That makes complete sense, and I will never know what happened between them. But I definitely know that she was more excited about seeing the POSOM and spending more time with him, than she did me. And that hurts like you don’t know, especially when I loved her more than anything, and thought the world of her.

And finally, on the support side. She has her sisters and a couple of really good friends that have been there for her (although they all did her no good by encouraging her to continue seeing the POSOM). This is such a sad tale. I keep saying that this is the most epic destruction of a perfectly good family in such a short amount of time. Very sad!

-Arb

arbuom posted 10/3/2017 17:41 PM

Jduff

What we also say here is that waywards project their own flaws on to the BS. That their perception of their BS's shortcomings are more often their own. You say she was a such a prude. Maybe she's heard this from others as well and as a result been pressured to be less controlling of her own self and be able to let loose more. This is one of the angles that OMs try to place a wedge into relationships to start cock-blocking you by transfering her struggles to be that "less prude woman" to a "blame arbuom" campaign as being the controlling husband that wants to keep his bombshell wife a "prude".

I'm not sure I see that in her. But I can certainly see the POSOM launching a "blame arbuom" campaign. He was a true scumbag, and used to smile at me in a way that said, I got your wife buddy! That really hurt. But as much as I was pissed at him, if my wife honored me, none of this would have happened!

From what I understand of your D process there are 15 months for her to read that book, seek IC, and come around to show you she does in fact give a damn about you and the M. Whether you end up R or D there needs to be consequences for her to feel. This may mean the house is already sold, the ink on the D papers are nearly dry and she finally gives that heartfelt "is it too late to ask you if we can try to save the M?" Then again, maybe that question comes 6 month after the D is final. One thing you will make absolutely clear to her in your actions are that you will move heaven and earth to get yourself out infidelity.

It's actually 12 months, of which the first 3 can be an R period. But I completely agree with your analysis. I think if there is any chance of R, it'll most likely happen after we go our separate ways. She needs to miss me, and appreciate what I was to her. And that won't happen now. I have no issue losing the house and whatever other financial losses we incurred through this. To me it's worth it if I get my old wife back. But I'm not holding my breath, and knowing how stubborn she is, it may never happen.

arbuom posted 10/3/2017 17:45 PM

goalong

Arboum, What a transformation, from a person struggling to address/deal with his wife behavior to person in full control even as he has close interactions with the wife where as the wife has turned in to a person who is suddenly unable to deal with her betrayals. Hope yours is not a roller coaster

Thanks for this, I need this kind of encouragement! I definitely feel empowered, but I still feel a HUGE sense of loss. STBX was my world, and I will miss her so much. Life will REALLY without her.

arbuom posted 10/3/2017 17:58 PM

So STBX just signed the papers it's official now.

I came home today, she met me at the door and asked for a hug. She then said that she signed the papers, and that I should take comfort that it's over and that we won't be fighting this in court like I feared. I couldn't hold it in, and said that how could I possibly get any comfort in this situation. I'm losing her today. She tried to make it seem like I was the one to file for divorce, and I almost lost it! I told her that after the hell she put me through the last 12 months, and then telling me that she didn't love me, what did she expect would happen. And besides, when I asked her why she was still here (after she said she didn't love me) she said she was waiting for me to get there by myself! She also tried to argue that she didn't really say she didn't love. WTF!? Anyways, in the end she agreed that she wanted this as much as I did. But I still told her that unlike her, I take full responsibility for my actions, and if I could go back and be a better husband, I would if it meant that she was still here today. I told her that I'm suffering the consequences of my actions today. And then she finally said, that she is too.

I have no regrets. I tried hard to make this work, and I suffered like I never did in my life. And I don't want to suffer anymore. It broke my heart today when I spoke to DS1 and told him that I will be spending half the time with him, and he started crying. He said: "I want to be with you, daddy" (crying)

toby posted 10/3/2017 18:56 PM

Sorry man but something just doesn't jive. Not your story, her attitude.....just fucked up. I'm not buying her halfassed pity party.

Booyah posted 10/3/2017 19:36 PM

My heart hurts for you and your kids.

Your kids pay the ultimate price for your wife's BS!!!!

Hang in there and I hope you find the peace you're seeking.

Sharkman posted 10/3/2017 19:47 PM

The next 72 hours will be amoung the worst of your life, maybe even worse than dday.

Rest assured, and I promise this, that you will be 1% better in 72 hours. 1% is not a lot but it is more than zero. It’ll never ever get worse than the next 72 hours, like pulling a tooth once it’s pulled the pain will eventually start getting less and less until it’s an awful memory.

Life goes on. You’ll adapt

MidnightRun posted 10/3/2017 20:43 PM

Arb,

These thunderous moments will give way to a peace you never thought possible.

This is not an end, but a door to a joyous new beginning.

You WILL be happy again.


[This message edited by MidnightRun at 8:48 PM, October 3rd (Tuesday)]

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