SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I know this is nothing new, just normal rotten stuff that cheaters and narcissists do. They make a mess and then they are silent about it, or they change history to fit their agenda... but it's so upsetting to me.

I wrote a long story a few days ago here about this guy that I was with for 5 years until a week ago, when I found that he had cheated on me 4 years ago; when confronted about it, he plainly denied, and didn't want to elaborate on anything. We had a very loving long distance relationship (he lives in the town where I was born, in Europe; I'm in the US), he was always so affectionate and always in touch with me. We saw each other at random times but spent about 6 months out of a year together. Very loving, in general. Now that someone exposed him to cheating, and it's a very vivid story that matches the timeline of our events 4 years ago, I told him it was over. This whole thing was very unexpected.

But given that he is the cheater, he hasn't made any attempt in the past week to make things work, no attempt to explain what happened 4 years ago, just plainly denying everything, and telling me that he has nothing to explain. I've accepted the fact that he really cheated. I'm slowly regaining my conscience after the massive heartbreak I've been dealing for the past week. I finally felt somewhat better yesterday after 6 days, and I thought I was on the right path of healing. Today I unfortunately saw a picture on Facebook of him with our mutual friends, taken in our home town, all smiley and stuff, like he's a saint, like nothing happened... These mutual friends emailed me a few days ago asking what was going on, because he'd told them that we'd broken up, but didn't give them any details. Since I now know cheaters/narcissists (after doing extensive reading online about it), I didn't tell our friends anything, either, for fear of the cheater becoming vindictive and twisting things around and blaming me for something. I'm not there to defend myself.

I know this is how such rotten people are, no regard for the person they hurt/killed their soul, no empathy, no remorse... just walking around with their head high up. All his friends (our mutual friends) liked us very much as a couple, and I already heard from this one couple who emailed me about their shock... I have to be quiet so I don't piss off this egomaniac. And there he is, smiling with them full mouth, on pictures on Facebook... This upset me today. Please share your experiences... tell me how I should cope... I just decided for a while I wouldn't touch Facebook.

I know exactly how you feel. I'm married to cheating lying narcissist. He has rewritten history and makes it seem like I was out of line for trying to find out his disgusting ways. He walks around like a king. Makes me sick.

It's scary how these people feel nothing and believe they have actually been wronged.

shatteredheart75 same here...

When this big mouth lady wrote me the whole story a week ago in Facebook messenger, about my cheater man having had an affair with her girlfriend, I was devastated. This lady had no idea that I was with my cheater man at the time (this was over 3 years ago). So she blabbered everything out, most every detail of the affair.

When the cheater man got confronted by me last week, he denied every single thing. I tried so many different ways, asked specific questions, so specific that it was impossible to deny, but yet, he denied, exploded, got mad at me...

So I included both him and the big mouth lady on Facebook messenger, to tell me the truth. I said to them both that whatever this lady says, he is denying. Who is making stuff up.

She came back confirming her story.

He blasted me with insults for being so childish and doing such investigations. His paragraph was super long with insults. I was out of line to try to find his disgusting ways.

Wow, I'm surprised the two of them aren't related because mine has denied everything still to do this day. How upsetting for you to be shocked by this story and then have it denied and then him turn nasty on you. I'm to the point he is so convinced I created all of his problems that I can't even confront if I suspect something is going on (which I do). I just can't handle the gas lighting and the way I'm treated for asking what the hell he is doing. It's honestly really sad. I found some things today from when I was a kid and I remember thinking when I was young how fun it would be to have a great husband and family. Never could have dreamed up this mess.

shatteredheart75 I'm so sorry to hear this :( This pain is something I wouldn't want to share with anyone... but it is known that there are countless such manipulators around :(

I still can't believe I thought this man was the love of my life, for 5 years, until a week ago, when I found out and confronted him... he's gone from angel to complete devil... My head spins from this.

Cookie...I'm so sorry too for you :( I had suspicions over the years but he always made me think I was crazy and I think I actually wanted to believe that instead of thinking he was the devil. I've been with him over 17 years and have 2 kids. I'm just super sad it took me this long to open my eyes and actually investigate to learn he's so much worse than I thought.

I pretend I'm happy to most people because I'm awfully embarrassed of all of this.

Big hugs to you.

So at this moment, he called earlier and said he got a last minute hair cut appointment. Just sounded odd when he called. I have a feeling he had his hair cut over his lunch and is now elsewhere. And of course, the text just came through that the stylist is running late. I KNEW it would say that before I even opened the text.

Wow, do I wish I had a spouse that could let me know they were doing something and I just knew it was true.

I'm glad you're finding some comfort here. Finding compassion in these forums has helped me tremendously. Something I didn't have with the cheating man.

This article helped me 3 days ago to make some sense...

http://www.cheating-infidelity.com/Home/narcissism/narcissistic-personality-disorder-how-to-recognize-a-narcissist.html

Big hug back to you <3

This would drive me nuts :( I can't do all the guessing and constantly being in doubt... That is a bad place for you my friend :( But I know it's not easy to go........... I'm so sorry :( Hope you find comfort in whatever you do........

I'm not a medical professional so I can't diagnose anyone. However, you should know a very common occurrence with personality disordered people is they launch a smear campaign to make everyone thing you are crazy and will say, "oh, she's going to tell you I cheated, I didn't". Typically they are so charismatic and likeable, people buy it hook line and sinker.

If you have relationships you value, you might want to give people a head's up - like you broke up for personal reasons and if they hear anything they should not believe it or something like that. No need to trash him or whatever.

You might want to look into it - google smear campaign, it's a thing.

smokenfire thank you for your reply.

There were countless occurrences where the cheater man smeared people. His ex wife was crazy. His daughter slept with so many guys. Colleagues that stepped on his toes were exposed in various ways. Yes, that's who he is. And I'm experiencing it now, on my own skin. For the past week, he's already alluded to a few steps, where he will walk with his head high up and emerge the winner. (to that, I replied: I'm not looking to win, and I'm going to walk around with my head very low, due to the disappointment in you...)

I'm not going to say much... but I'm really, really hoping that the big mouth lady who's blabbered everything out to me about his affair, will also blabber out to everyone else, what really happened between us...

I will definitely ready about the smear campaign. I need to know as much as possible now, to be prepared. Thank you.

ExWW never acknowledged any wrong doing. In fact took to rewriting history to the extreme. Apparently she started a rrlationship behind my back in the last 6 months or so of marriage. I also didnt have any clue that I was abusing her and all the children for the last two years of our marriage. She said she struggled with divorcing me until she saw me lying on the stand about abusing the children. She was seeing OM the whole divorce which took about 1.5 years.

I would have a hard time carrying just the capacity for all the lies and mental abuse. I still don't accept my exWW and all the WSs on here can have all that crud insidr them and it not be eating them up inside. Thats where I'm stuck at and maybe you are too?

My H is NPD...I have seen him in action with others who have wronged him thru work.....he doesn't say anything. No smear...... he does it all through legal and its a huge battle...he never looses...he loves it...he reads legal documents regularly...articles. taxes contracts......to stay ahead. In his field.

FYI; he doesn't work in law...

Our D would be soo ugly...and dangerous. He punishes.. Its not just my paranoia.....a coworker confessed, that he feels like he will throw up, when he has to meet with H....fear. It was a man, in his late 30's. It surprised my H to hear this...He doesn't see his actions, as anything but the right way.

Now my H has been ill for several years...a much different person...I wonder how that grown man feels now? Probably laughing.

His illness is improving....

[This message edited by cancuncrushed at 11:07 AM, September 11th (Monday)]