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I don't think I can leave

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CincyKid posted 9/13/2017 12:06 PM

Coming here and working through some stuff has gotten me to a point where I wanted to be but had serious doubts I could get there. I now know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I'm 100% all-in with my fiance. I swore I'd never get married again and had been holding back a bit with my then GF. She had a friend that was cheated on by her husband who had used this site to help her cope with that and gave her great advice about what to demand from her WS. So I came here not expecting much and ended up getting way more than I thought I would.

Technically I should probably leave now. I'm very happy these days. I'm engaged to a woman I love with all my heart. My DD and I are doing great with our long distance father/daughter relationship. We have regular trips planned to stay in each other's lives and she and my fiance have become very close. Things are going really well so I figured that's all I needed here.

The thing is, I like coming here now. It's a great support group because I know there are people here who really know exactly the type of pain I went through. Other friends and family who haven't experienced it have comforted me over the years but the honest truth is they didn't understand the pain of what I'd call ultimate betrayal. Honestly it would have been more merciful if my ex and her AP/hubby had plotted my demise and murdered me with a bullet to the head. Way more merciful.

Anyway, I can't leave. I feel like now if I see someone in that suicidal/homicidal phase of being betrayed that maybe I can help them see that some day this will pass and they can find happiness again. I did. A lot of people have.

I'll be here to hopefully tell it like it is to whomever needs help and if anything at all I share can alleviate even 1 tiny spec of pain that someone is going through, then it's definitely worth it.

You're all good people and I'm sorry that any of us have to be here but at least we're all here together.

Want2BHappyAgain posted 9/13/2017 12:10 PM

I am very HAPPY you have decided to stay !!! You have a very unique story...one that showed triumph over the intense pain your XWW put you through. Others may look at your story and see that if YOU can go through to this very HAPPY place in your life ...then maybe they can too . THANK YOU for sharing such a private and painful part of your past...AND such a wonderful part of your life NOW .

TimelessLoss posted 9/13/2017 12:17 PM

Cincy,

You are an amazing guy. I remember thinking, "Man, this guy has his kid stolen from him. How does he do it?" You've come out the other side as an intact person. I have to tell you that my eyes misted up (and are now) when I read your posts about reuniting w/your daughter. You have so much to offer others that are in pain.

steadychevy posted 9/13/2017 12:18 PM

I'm glad you're staying, Cincy. I believe you've provided very sound, thoughtful input for many people here. You're an asset to this site.

stack2 posted 9/13/2017 12:55 PM

I am one that has followed your posts and appreciate your input and views. You add value and immense support
Thank you

Skan posted 9/13/2017 13:01 PM

CincyKid, IMO you're an asset to the site. You give a unique perspective and story that shows a lot of grace thru pain, and utter determination to not be screwed over again. That's a "voice" that needs to be heard a truly level-headed voice.

So glad that you're pulling up a chair to sit awhile!

sorrowfulmate posted 9/13/2017 13:02 PM

Cincy,

Glad you decided to hang around.

If everyone who was feeling good left there wouldn't be many old timers around here.

Its the experience, strength, and hope through the mutual sharing of what we have been through that makes this place tick.

annb posted 9/13/2017 13:02 PM

Hi, Cincy, glad you decided to stay.

I've been here about 8? years, and I made a choice to stay and support here and there.

I did have to step back once or twice bc sometimes I'd get triggered or angry reading some of the posts, esp. in JFO.

You can be a real lifeline to those who need support whether you post once a week or every day.

twisted posted 9/13/2017 14:26 PM

Cincy, your story is one of admiration and inspiration to me, and your unique insight and experience will help many here for as long as you want to hang around.

I'm engaged to a woman I love with all my heart

Don't you just love a happy ending. Damn, I must have something in my eye.....

[This message edited by twisted at 9:06 AM, September 15th (Friday)]

EvenKeel posted 9/13/2017 14:36 PM

If everyone who was feeling good left there wouldn't be many old timers around here.
Amen.

When I was a newbie....it was the stories from the old-timers that gave me a little glimmer of hope that life could be good again.

It was the old-pros who gave me the 2x4 words of wisdom that ultimately became my lightbulb/wake-up moment.

Those are the thoughts that keep me coming around. While I may not be going through that awful pain any longer, I can still relate and (hopefully) provide an ear or guidance.

Leaving....? Geez, what were you thinking?

MalibuBayBreeze posted 9/13/2017 14:43 PM

I'm so glad you've come out the other side of infidelity and found happiness. It's what we all hope for. You've been down a rough road and truly deserve to be in a good place.

For those of us still working through things of our own I'm glad you've decided to stay and offer an ear and some advice. If I ever make it through this I plan to do the same. It's a way to pay it forward for future BS's who will find this amazing place.

Gablestitch posted 9/13/2017 15:09 PM

I'm a newbie and I've got to say I'm glad to hear you're staying. I have noticed your posts along with some of the more experienced members and from my perspective you have a lot to contribute here. Keep posting for all us newbies as it gives us insights from those who have made it out the other side.

Anth posted 9/13/2017 15:19 PM

Cincy I too am glad you are staying...as a relative newbie your posts have been ones that I've come to seek out and respect for the sound sensible advice you give.


And it's great for us in the beginning of this sorrowful journey to see others who have made it out the other side to a happy ending!

THANK YOU

LoveTKO posted 9/13/2017 15:27 PM

The thing is, I like coming here now. It's a great support group because I know there are people here who really know exactly the type of pain I went through. Other friends and family who haven't experienced it have comforted me over the years but the honest truth is they didn't understand the pain of what I'd call ultimate betrayal. Honestly it would have been more merciful if my ex and her AP/hubby had plotted my demise and murdered me with a bullet to the head. Way more merciful.

Anyway, I can't leave. I feel like now if I see someone in that suicidal/homicidal phase of being betrayed that maybe I can help them see that some day this will pass and they can find happiness again. I did. A lot of people have.

This is why many of us still suffering need you! From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU for staying.

4kids posted 9/13/2017 16:33 PM

Cincykid.

PLEASE!!! DON'T EVER LEAVE!!! WE NEED YOU!!!

STRENGTH!!!

Wool94 posted 9/13/2017 16:47 PM

I'm a big fan myself.

Notthevictem posted 9/13/2017 16:51 PM

You look forward to helping folks in that suicidal phase? I don't know if it makes me a bad guy but I don't.

I've been there and helped when I'm talking to someone in that spot... I just don't like it. It ends up eating at my thoughts and I'm left worrying about an Internet stranger for days while my day to day life suffers.

thatbpguy posted 9/13/2017 16:52 PM

CincyKid, as a veteran of these (and other) boards, let me say a couple of things...

First, I have found these boards can be both triggering and addictive. As such they can create a barrier between you and yours. You have to carefully guard against this.

Second, as much as we all like and appreciate you, make certain she is ok with this.

Some people need to graduate from a board like this. I cannot say for you as each is different. But drop us down a few notches on your priority list and take care of other life business first.

As much as you will be missed, don't be afraid to fly away. But if you do, check in every so often and say 'hello'.


[This message edited by thatbpguy at 4:53 PM, September 13th (Wednesday)]

TwiceWounded posted 9/13/2017 17:44 PM

Cincy, I just have to say that you ARE a beacon of hope for me and I'm sure a lot of others around here.

We've all had varying levels of destructive trauma in our lives... but you went through some nightmarish, terrible shit of the darkest kind. It's inspiring that you made it through and are thriving. It's never a "contest" but I often feel like I'm being f***ed over in a distinctly unique way... but I know if you can get through that and be happy on the other side, everyone can.

c24j posted 9/13/2017 19:18 PM

I always have felt that your advice was pretty good . . . and generally direct and succinct. Your ability to care for others is obvious. You have a lot to offer. Pain-wise, you've definitely been there, and helping others who are suffering with your experience (and solutions) can be invaluable.

Since you seem to be good at empathizing and have much experience to draw from, I'd say the only reason to leave is if the stories here trigger you often, and you can't stand reliving the pain . . . or if it bores you silly. I don't think either of those apply, though.

Should YOU ever need it, hopefully this is still a great place for you to vent (or simply ask for opinions) before acting . . . which may still rarely occur when dealing with the ex.(Actually, Cincy, now that I think about it, in terms of getting help, chances are SHE may one day need the kind of ideas and support one gets here far more than you will at this point . . . but I suspect that'll be a ways in the future if ever).

So, if supporting and helping others doesn't bring back much pain, I'd say stick around . . . SI will be better for it.

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