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Wow, oh what a night!

Dontwanttogiveup posted 9/18/2017 02:44 AM

WH and Ive been doing really well over the past couple days thanks to my friend valium. I felt normal, laughing, feeling like my old self. Then tonight i started asking questions I never should have. Like is this 29 year old better in bed than i am?
well duh! she has fake boobs and only had one kid at 29. started feeling like i will never be #1 to anyone ever again. Also messaged he OW again even after we hae our one one one less than a week ago. you know there are always things you thnink of after the fact.I wanted to be #! in th3 ssex depqartment

yuvas posted 9/18/2017 04:34 AM

Hang on, he messaged her a week ago or you did?

NoMercy posted 9/18/2017 06:30 AM

Like is this 29 year old better in bed than i am? well duh! she has fake boobs and only had one kid at 29.

Another FUN aspect of trying to stay married to a serial cheater - wondering how you compare sexually to the harem.

Happy, happy, joy, joy.

...started feeling like i will never be #1 to anyone ever again...

Yup, that's another hazard of staying with a serial cheater - watching your self esteem go right down the toilet.

I have to tell you, you'd be amazed at how you become a whole new you and get back your self esteem, pride and self respect once you're no longer settling for someone like him.

moxamm posted 9/18/2017 07:08 AM

Let the ahole pay for a boob job for you

That the least he can do

And if you split

He get to see someone else enjoy them

sisoon posted 9/18/2017 09:59 AM

Gently, your self-esteem is something you control. You can't really build your SE based on what others say to or do with you.

If your sex life is less than satisfying, that's something that you both can work to fix. If he wants porn-star sex, dump him - that stuff is fantasy. If he's unwilling to work with you (and it's more play than work, after all), dump him. If you're unwilling, dump him.

If you're both willing to figure out what you both like, though, sex can be great for the rest of your lives.

But you still have to find your self-esteem and self-love. A good IC can help.

twisted posted 9/18/2017 10:07 AM

Also messaged he OW again even after we hae our one one one less than a week ago.

Explain this. To me this is an automatic deal killer. Breaking NC is automatic divorce in my book.

sassylee posted 9/18/2017 12:13 PM

Man, Valium would have been a dream after dday. My doctor wouldn't prescribe it, which is good because I had a Valium addiction back in my teens and it's a bitch to kick. So be very careful.

Dontwanttogiveup posted 9/18/2017 13:47 PM

So I guess Im a psycho becaise i have bad nights that i completely flip out. "Get over it already!" HAH! She blocked him on social media last night and when he couldn't see her profile the asshole called her to ask why!! I am the one who texted her last night. Had some more things to say. That's why she blocked him, so hes mad at me and just has been awful to me today. Turning it around on me of course cause I cant let it go. I wish he would just leave already but all I have been doing today is grieving the loss of my life and the children having to go through this.

carriemcsky posted 9/18/2017 14:27 PM

Dontwanttogiveup, I am so sorry that you are going through this.

From your join date, I'm assuming that you're only a few weeks from DDay. You are in shock right now. Of course your emotions are going to be all over the place.

Then tonight i started asking questions I never should have

Are you saying that HE told you that you shouldn't be asking questions? Or are you saying you're asking questions that you don't really want the answers to? Please, if you don't want details, then please don't beat yourself up by asking for them. It's something that you will never un-hear, and I'm speaking from experience.

But if it's your WH saying that you shouldn't be asking questions, that's a whole other animal. HE doesn't get to say ANYTHING about what you CAN or CANNOT ask. He needs a big dose of reality from the sound of it.

So I guess Im a psycho becaise i have bad nights that i completely flip out. "Get over it already!" HAH! She blocked him on social media last night and when he couldn't see her profile the asshole called her to ask why!! I am the one who texted her last night. Had some more things to say. That's why she blocked him, so hes mad at me and just has been awful to me today. Turning it around on me of course cause I cant let it go

He was looking at her social media???? Is he actively still in this A? If so, again, he needs a HUGE dose of reality poured on his fantasy life. And you're going to need to be the one to do it. Expose him to everyone. Let the whole world know the juvenile delinquent that you're married to. When I read what you wrote, all I could picture was this man-child hunched over his computer like a madman, trying to find out what his girlfriend was doing. This is disgusting!

Please, be kind to yourself. It's all going to turn out how it turns out. Look after yourself right now. Seriously, don't even engage with him. Easier said than done, I know, but it's your best, truly your ONLY option right now.

Cephastion posted 9/18/2017 14:58 PM

Or...you could just give Hitler Poland as well as all the other previously peace-loving territories his insatiable appetite has already taken forcibly away from you.

I mean the rest of the world should just "get over" terrorism, too, right?

I guess that's easier to say when you're the one who's stomping around all over the lilies and tulips instead of the one who planted and watered them.

[This message edited by Cephastion at 3:01 PM, September 18th (Monday)]

Dontwanttogiveup posted 9/19/2017 00:08 AM

So, he was really shitty to me tonight. I believe because he finally got shut down by her once and for all. Because of me. He was mocking me and being a huge A hole. I said I dont deserve this and you need to leave right now. Of course he didnt. He had his bags packed when my childen came home from school and they questioned it. I sat them down and told them the truth. But I also told them that their father loves them very much and that was why he was still here. But that their father wanted me to be over the pain already and I just couldnt do that. He also mocked this site. "run to your message board friends." they arent in it they dont know. Im like "really"? They have been throught it all!! He is just mad that she once and for all shut him down. I honestly believe that in my heart. How can you say you are all in and say you love me but are looking her up on facebook and stalking her basicly? then get bent out of shape cause i caused her to block you. FU!! I am done!! My children and I will be fine without you. My brother is a minister/chaplin and his husband is in human resources and they have just received job offers in Boulder Colorado. They have welcomed us. Its tempting. He dont give a shit when he sees his kids obviously. Is it callous to say it would be easier if he would off himself? I am in the Twilight right now. Yes, Anthony, thats a real good thing you done.

Creatingpeace posted 9/19/2017 10:30 AM

Wow, so sorry you have been going through this. Not even trying to gas light, just throwing you right under the bus. What a guy. So mean. Encourage him once again to leave...until you can get your head straight and make some decisions. Does he have somewhere to go, or should you consider going with your brother instead?

If she was the one who had to end it...it is not over for him. There will be another...

GGFinisHLast posted 9/19/2017 11:08 AM

As painful as it is, at least it's out in the open. It's going to be hard, but you and the kids will be okay. Brace yourself to feel the world spin worse. This is much like living a nightmare. Set up some lawyer interviews to get a feel for your next steps and see if you find one you like.

I can't say I've been where you are. Mine went quiet about it when her LTAP cut her off for trying to R with me. She wanted to keep him around and be sneakier about things. Looking back, she didn't want to give up her happy M life with extras, and she's never been in this last R because she's angry at me for losing her LTAP. She just got much better at hiding things and manipulating me.

By being done now, you won't be going down the R road suffering to rebuild for a few years. You remove the substantial risk that you'll find out you're being cheated on again. The D road isn't easy either, but it is more clear cut.

There may be a strong pull coming to consider R again. Meet with attorneys and take time to think through your options. Don't be pressured to pick one direction or the other immediately. Although sometimes you just know you're done.

ChangeMaker posted 9/19/2017 12:24 PM

I think my post was too light-hearted to be appropriate, so I deleted it.

Don't worry about anyone but you and your kids right now.

[This message edited by ChangeMaker at 12:27 PM, September 19th (Tuesday)]

PolkadotTulip posted 9/19/2017 13:29 PM

I'm so sorry the Jackhat you're married to is making you feel that you aren't #1 in his heart and bed. As if there should ever be more, ugh. With a good man, a non-disordered man, you're #1 and only just because the sun is up. You deserve that!

And as for having your husband's supposed preference, she happens to be 29 with fake, paid for knockers, but she also is willing to cheat with a married man, and then can't handle hearing from his harmed wife. That is cowardly, amoral and pathetic. That your husband still finds her sexy says much about him and none of it flattering.

I think moving to Boulder with your brother and kids is a fabulous idea!

Oh, and if he hadn't run to other women to begin with, you wouldn't need to "run to your message board friends". Jackhat!

moxamm posted 9/21/2017 01:01 AM

Lawyer up asap

He is not worth your time

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