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Just when I thought my opinion of the OW couldn't get any lower

NeedingClosure posted 9/20/2017 11:47 AM

There are a lot of OW posts right now and rather than hijack someone's post I thought it might be better to start my own.

The A happened when we were fairly young (early 20s) so I was compelled to ask if the OW was a virgin. She was not (which is good in that my WH didn't take her virginity, but bad in that I had no idea what we were exposed to). I never really ruminated on this thought any further.

The other night we were talking about a conversation my WH had with the OW before NC where she was trying to convince him that he should pick her over me. She was hyper focused on the fact that she thought she was physically superior to me. She asked which body type my WH preferred (she's athletic and tall whereas I'm short and curvy). She also asked who was tighter. He said me and she asked how that was possible since she was nearly a virgin. I asked my WH what that meant and this is the story I got: While the OW was pursuing my WH, the week things started getting physical, but before they had sex my WH came to visit me (we were in college at the time). While my WH was gone the OW decided to have sex with another friend of hers. This happened to be her first time. My WH returned to his university and then 3 days later she set things in motion that ultimately resulted in their weekend tryst.

I think she is the most despicable, disgusting, and depraved person I have ever met! While she was trying to insert herself in my place she was getting some side action from another friend. Then she pulled the victim card and went on and on about "Didn't our sex mean anything?" "How could you pick her over me?" etc. It just makes me sick to think about it.

This all happened a long time ago, but this is the first time I heard about how and when she lost her virginity. For some reason the better and longer R goes for me and my WH the more I hate the OW.

thatbpguy posted 9/20/2017 12:03 PM

It's like you stated, she IS a depraved person and clearly has neither morals or boundaries in her life.

It's easy to see why your husband chose you.

Want2BHappyAgain posted 9/20/2017 14:26 PM

While the OW was pursuing my WH, the week things started getting physical, but before they had sex my WH came to visit me (we were in college at the time). While my WH was gone the OW decided to have sex with another friend of hers. This happened to be her first time. My WH returned to his university and then 3 days later she set things in motion that ultimately resulted in their weekend tryst.

REALLY ??????

So...the adultery co-conspirator and your WH became "physical" with one another but they didn't have sex. Then he left...and she...a VIRGIN...decides to have sex with a friend. THEN when your WH comes back she goes after him to have sex . AND...your WH believed this story ???!!! Or...is HE making this story up for some reason?

Cheaters LIE...and this story just plain STINKS. It doesn't make sense that a VIRGIN...who feels something for someone...would then go and have sex with a FRIEND instead of the person they are falling for.

Maybe there is more to the story that I don't know about...but THIS story raises all kinds of red flags...it doesn't make ANY sense to me.

NeedingClosure posted 9/20/2017 14:35 PM

Well, I left out that it was Valentine's day and I think she was angry that my WH went to see me. She told my WH that her and the friend were bored and hanging out. It's possible that she lied to my WH (either about when she lost her virginity or possibly she was a virgin and didn't want him to know?) I do believe my WH on this one. There was no reason for him to lie to me. I never indicated that if she had been a virgin I would have been more upset or anything along those lines. I was more concerned about exposure to STI's when we had the initial conversation about whether or not she was a virgin.

[edited to add: Keeping in mind that this was two conversations separated by 11 years. In the first conversation I just asked if she was a virgin. The second conversation (after R for 11 years) as an explanation of what she meant by her statement that she was nearly a virgin.]

[This message edited by NeedingClosure at 2:39 PM, September 20th (Wednesday)]

Want2BHappyAgain posted 9/20/2017 14:59 PM

I tend to believe your WH also . HER story however...nope. It seems to ME that she wanted to look like an innocent "virginal" person...when that was probably the FURTHEST thing she was . I'm just happy you didn't get a STD from her .

freetogonow posted 9/20/2017 15:05 PM

I hate your ow on your behalf. Virgin or not she was a dirty whore.

NeedingClosure posted 9/20/2017 15:10 PM

Want2BHappyAgain You're probably right that her story isn't to be believed. She was incredibly manipulative and I think she would say whatever she thought would get the reaction she wanted. In any case if she'd been very experienced she sure as heck didn't show it. My WH described sex as mechanical.

BlackHeartBroken posted 9/20/2017 15:11 PM

Oh, she was no virgin or even close to being one, probably. Inexperienced, innocent women do not arrange a tryst or ask questions like that!

The OW is always some cheap, easy, trash. I have yet to hear about the OW being a stand up individual, amazing mother, etc. They don't exist.

Freebygrace posted 9/20/2017 20:49 PM

Ok, lets say the story is true... It is a false belief that people who have had less sex are tighter. It's all about how you are created. Everyone has a different body. It's also false that a guy who is well endowed will stretch it out. Girls are like super elastic girl. So, no matter how many people she has been with before, If she was a grand canyon, that's just how she was created.
(I used to be a nurse, I know stuff

allusions posted 9/20/2017 23:49 PM

She also asked who was tighter. He said me and she asked how that was possible since she was nearly a virgin.

I guess some women obsess about their 'tightness' just like some men obsess about their penis size. Does OW feel her value as a woman is dependant upon how snug her vagina is?

xZOOMx posted 9/21/2017 00:21 AM

Yeah me thinks W2BHA is on the money one of them is lying who of the two well that's a mystery but to be fair I've seen wierder stuff so he might be telling the truth. I'm also going play devils advocate for a moment and say maybe the OW is not really depraved maybe just like you she was young and not very smart the fact the she made it to college as a virgin says she was probably less experienced in relationships. The part of your post were she masterminded the entire affair smells of rugsweeping and deflecting your husband's indiscretion.

DarkHoleHeart posted 9/21/2017 00:53 AM

The OW is always some cheap, easy, trash. I have yet to hear about the OW being a stand up individual, amazing mother, etc. They don't exist.

That's by definition. My WW was OW for OBS. Was she stand up individual, amazing mother? No. She was a piece of trash.

NoMercy posted 9/21/2017 04:48 AM

Unfortunately, you're only getting one side of the story and as we know, our cheaters will always try to paint themselves in the most positive light while throwing their AP right under the bus.

I believed half of what I saw when it came to ex-cheater, and nothing of what I heard.

NeedingClosure posted 9/21/2017 07:49 AM

I'm not excusing my Wh's part in this by saying the OW arranged for the A to become sexual. He's 100% at fault in this too. But, the OW was not some innocent little girl. She has always described herself as being extremely competitive. I strongly believe that when my WH started showing feelings for her (friendship turned to EA) it became a game to see if she could win him away from me. She confided in me that at first she had to get my WH pretty drunk to get him to do anything and over time it took less alcohol. She had been trying to convince my WH to go further than making out but he had said no on multiple occasions. Their weekend tryst began with her suggesting a strip version of a game they liked to play. He should have said no, and in saying yes he let what little guard he had left down. But, she was the one who suggested it and I think she did it because he had previously refused to remove or let any article of clothing be removed. I have other reasons to suspect that this had become a game to her, but I could write a novel on the subject if I let myself.
In any case. I don't believe my WH is lying. I truly believe that he has truthfully recounted what she told him. She may have been lying, but I can't prove that. We've been doing the hard work of R for years and this was just an offhanded comment in a conversation we had recently.

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