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Anyone felt like they don't want to be away from the WS.

StokieLad posted 9/20/2017 12:10 PM

I suppose it's time that I started really understanding where I am at...

I've probably been forcing myself to think that I am recovering at a faster rate than what I actually am.

When we are together I am totally fine, very few thoughts that pierce me.

When we are apart (which is when I go to work.. wife gave up her job) I am full of panic and it is all I can think of.

Wife sent NC as soon as I found out about EA
With a bit of P/A.

After 11 weeks I informed the OBS.

I'm as sure as I can be that there is no contact what so ever...

One minute I'm full of love, hope, optimism and certain we will make it.. the next I am wondering why am I putting myself through this.

Sorry for the eratic post.. just want to know that I am not going mental !


sassylee posted 9/20/2017 12:14 PM

That was me...because when we were together, i could see and hear he wasn't doing anything nefarious. Infidelity is crazy-making shit.

StokieLad posted 9/20/2017 12:17 PM

Tell me about it !

I think I'm still a little in denial or shock (only 12 weeks since D Day)..

I keep telling myself it wasn't a that big of a deal - 3 weeks of texting and a couple of kisses but obviously it's a massive thing to my heart !

I must admit the good days are more frequent than bad days at the moment... but it's only when I spend the day with her that I actually feel good.

Dorothy123 posted 9/20/2017 12:19 PM

I'm going steal a quote from the healing library.

There is no set time line. On the average it's 1-2 years to heal from betrayal. 3-5 years is not out of the norm. Below is a general guide, not everyone heals in the same amount of time as others, there are variables to consider in each individual's situation. It's a rollercoaster ride, emotionally and physically, but I promise you - you can and will survive. But, you will never be the same and that's not always a bad thing. D-day to 6 months is devastation; you're done with life, in shock and sick at heart. You are raw emotionally and never knew such despair could be felt.

6-9 months are full of mood swings from "it's going to be okay" to "Why am I even trying." Your thoughts are emotion driven and not dependable.

Sounds exactly like what you wrote here.

One minute I'm full of love, hope, optimism and certain we will make it.. the next I am wondering why am I putting myself through this.

WarriorPrincess posted 9/20/2017 12:22 PM

Welcome to the roller coaster. I am 1 year out and R'ing, doing really well over all, and I still feel this way.

It's totally normal. You are no crazier than the rest of us.

StokieLad posted 9/20/2017 12:22 PM

Thanks for that Dorothy.. it's nice to know that I'm not completely crazy !

I'm going to be using you guys a lot more.. I have a really lonely job where i have 6 hours a day on my own to think. It's a scary place!

Dorothy123 posted 9/20/2017 12:26 PM

No problem SL.

I will leave you will a thread of mine that will show you that the physical symptoms that you are having because you reacting to the trauma of the A is normal too.

" What physical symptoms of A did you have? "

HeLLz posted 9/20/2017 12:55 PM

You're not going mental, mate. This is how it is.

It'll take you some time to process it all. The important thing is to deal with it at your own pace. Don't let anyone put you under pressure. The way you cope is your own business.

We're all here if you need to have a bloody good moan.

StokieLad posted 9/20/2017 13:04 PM

Cheers mate appreciate it.

I think posting here actually gives me a sensible perspective on things.

A few weeks of madness has caused this.. How ridiculous

Idiotmcstupid posted 9/20/2017 13:17 PM

I am in your shoes in some ways. As long as i am with my WS i never have too many feelings of panic or anger. But I have realized that i need to feel these things or I will never heal. It really sucks but we can't live the rest of our lives being a growth attached to our WS's rear ends...
Let yourself feel and process that pain, as much as it hurts.
I am talking myself through this process as much as I'm advising you to do it, honestly. It is so damn hard to do.
I have already seen some of the benefits of doing this however.

moralhighground posted 9/20/2017 14:38 PM

Same. Same same. Nothing to add just, I feel ya.

TenaciousMe posted 9/20/2017 23:14 PM

Like the others said, you are perfectly normal. I'm 15 weeks out from my last Dday, so I am right there with you!

My WH is a trucker and after we have our short time together, I have the worst moments the first couple of days he is gone. I find myself here ruminating. The closer it gets to his return, the easier I can focus and the more confident I feel. I hate it.

Thankfully, he may have found a position that has him home every night and off weekends. Got my fingers crossed.

You are doing a great favor to yourself by realizing you may be pushing yourself too hard and too fast towards recovery. I think a lot of us shove a lot of feelings aside in the hope we can just get past it. Treat yourself gently and let your WW know how you are feeling. She may be able to help with a solution for your more panicked moments.

Catch44 posted 9/21/2017 13:43 PM

When we are apart (which is when I go to work.. wife gave up her job) I am full of panic and it is all I can think of.

Six months from the last TT and I feel it. Still fairly intense, but getting less with time.

OrdinaryDude posted 9/21/2017 18:21 PM

I started out like this too, being at work was excruciating.

Eventually though, once I knew she had turned the corner, and "got it", it all changed.

We still hate to be apart, but for all the right reasons...we actually miss each other dearly and can't wait to spend time together whenever possible.

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