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1st anniversary after divorce

BFos posted 11/14/2017 10:38 AM

Would have been 26 years, kinda low today.

MakingMyFuture posted 11/14/2017 11:00 AM

Hang in there, it gets easier...really.

Make today about you. Go to the gym, spend time with friends. If you need to, fill the time with a good movie you have been waiting to see. It can be a time of reflection and healing. Remember that there is still the YOU to celebrate. Today you loved a person. You opened your heart. You made a commitment and you upheld your beliefs, were true to yourself and were INVESTED. Did you get hurt, yes. But you know you are capable of real love and commitment which is more than many people. And you know your integrity is real and you know that the memories you had over the years that were joyful of the relationship were real for you and are your true memories and history. . And guess what, even if the person you invested in wasnít worth it and hurt you...that doesnít change the good parts amd also doesnít change
That you survived.

In case it helps, I struggled a lot with my first anniversary. There were a ton of tears. I couldnít believe where my life had ended up and I was crushed for the lost future and wrecked memories.

The second one I felt anger and some sadness and frankly annoyance.

By the third, the day actually came and went and I was shocked that I sort of missed it. I had spent so much time and energy building a new life that I live that it was like remembering a dating anniversary from my high school boyfriend or the anniversary of my college graduation. More like ďoh yeah...wasnít today...?!?ĒIím sorry for rambling.

Just know that Iíll be thinking of you today and sending you virtual hugs.

BFos posted 11/14/2017 11:35 AM

Thank you for your encouragement, the lost future and wrecked memories are what hurt today.

Newlease posted 11/14/2017 11:54 AM

The first anniversary after my D would have been the 25th. I thought I was all moved on, but I spent a good portion of the day in bed crying. I only allowed myself to wallow for one day and then I got on with life.

Now, 12 years later, I don't even notice the date.

Give yourself permission to grieve and then get up and get going.

Sending strength and peace.

NL

BFos posted 11/14/2017 12:03 PM

Think the wwx feels anything?

Isthereanyhope posted 11/14/2017 12:26 PM

Sheís definitely thinking of it too. She canít not be. But you shouldnít dwell on that, take care of yourself.

And I totally understand mourning the lost future. Thatís what we all really miss, I think. Our lives were traveling down a path and the path was going to go on forever. And it was a nice path. And then all of the sudden, out of the blue, the path ends. And we have to get off the path and go a different direction. And weíd have no idea where the other paths lead or which is the right one to go down. Itís very scary and unsettling.

I took the kids out for a very fancy and expensive dinner on my 1st anniversary after the split. We had a great time and itís was very nice. We didnít celebrate the anniversary, we celebrated ourselves. Can you do something like that? If not with family then with friends? It really helped me and hopefully itíll help make it easier for your too.

TrustGone posted 11/14/2017 12:42 PM

Just know that even though you will have a sad day, that it does get easier as time passes. I know that doesn't help a lot today, but one day it will. I have been D'd for 2yrs and I actually forgot about it this year until a few days later. (((HUGS)))

BFos posted 11/14/2017 16:22 PM

Trying hard to not text her...

Isthereanyhope posted 11/14/2017 19:39 PM

Stay strong. My ex texted me happy anniversary on our first one after the split. It was pretty awkward and I responded that we probably shouldnít be celebrating that day anymore... I know itís rough youíll get through it. Iím not sure if this interests you but journaling can help. I still have my notes from the split last year that remind me how far Iíve come and what I put up with in the early days. It really helps for healing (in my opinion).

BFos posted 11/15/2017 06:32 AM

I did not text, helped just writing it here., guess I was doing a little pain shopping.

Isthereanyhope posted 11/15/2017 08:24 AM

Iím glad you didnít text her. And I guarantee she noticed the lack of a text, not that it makes a difference. We all pain shop, itís human nature. You will get to the point of ďmehĒ- it truly just does take time. I had an epiphany a few weeks ago- this isnít where I would have chosen to be right now but this is my life and I can shape it into anything I want it to be. Itís a long road but youíll be just fine in the end. Have faith.

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