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What do they tell the new SO...

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TheBard posted 11/14/2017 16:09 PM

Not sure if this question should go here or the Divorce Forum...

What do Wayward's tell their new SO? I would expect if things got serious, at some point, the SO would want to know why the wayward divorced. Does the wayward tell the truth and risk losing this person or do they continue to lie in hopes it is never revealed.


either way...she sucks.

Darkness Falls posted 11/14/2017 16:15 PM

I told the truth, and in fact I told it before our first date. No sense in wasting either of our time if it would have been a reason he wouldn't have wanted to date me.

He respected my honesty and we dated for a couple of years.

Jls0320 posted 11/14/2017 16:21 PM

Iíve often wondered what my ex told girlfriends, heís had a few and no way would I date someone with his history...knowingly. Plus he barely sees his boys we have together, yet some other woman got knocked up by him, no clue how she could have thought heíd be a good father to her child. I donít get it at all

WornDown posted 11/14/2017 16:23 PM

I assume mine tells hers that I'm a deadbeat, raging abuser who mentally and physically tortured her the whole time we were married and that she is so glad she got rid of me.

That she is so much better off without me holding her down; that she has finally been able to be her true self.

(Of course leaving out the alcoholism (her), pill abuse, inability to hold a job, outrageous money spending, multiple affairs, multiple assaults on me and the kids, hasn't paid me a dime in any kind of court ordered support when I've paid her 10s of thousands, and her multiple arrests (including 4 DUIs and id theft of her daughter))

[This message edited by WornDown at 4:23 PM, November 14th (Tuesday)]

Randy1133 posted 11/14/2017 17:39 PM

I'm sure it's something like "we drifted apart"... "we just fell out of love"... "it was mutual".... Poor fella likely will never know.

dancingmom66 posted 11/14/2017 17:39 PM

I have wondered the same thing. I cannot imagine anyone staying with my XWH if he was completely truthful. I feel sorry for his current SO as they appear to be fairly serious. She was not an affair partner, but is obviously being taken in by his charm. Ughh!

Hope24 posted 11/14/2017 17:49 PM

My SO knows my mad-hatter history, as has every guy I've dated post-divorce.

I'm guessing my ex's girlfriend knows about his affair, but I can't be certain.

TrustGone posted 11/14/2017 17:56 PM

I don't know and I don't care. If he is still with AP she knows what she got and if he cheats on her you can guarantee she will let that person know. She is a bunny boiler and I feel sorry for anyone that even gives XWH#2 a glance.

LilBlackCat posted 11/14/2017 17:56 PM

I had found through stealth methods... That things just didn't work out and that we decided to part ways. Who knew?

inconnu posted 11/14/2017 18:57 PM

well, ex ended up married to OW, so at least he didn't have to make up a story for her. But a year or so after the divorce was final, I did hear he was telling friends that we had drifted apart. I'm surprised he didn't tell them it was all my fault. After all, he told me that. Repeatedly.

TheKarmaTrain posted 11/14/2017 19:04 PM

Love this thread because I've thought about it so many times. Interestingly enough the two women he dated both were cheated on by their ex-husbands. So they've been in the exact place I was in. And knowingly went back in with him! It blows my mind. So I assume he spun quite a story to them...or they are just insanely broken and he has fooled them into thinking he's a decent human being like he did with me. Either way I remind myself it's not my problem to deal with anymore. Onwards and upwards!

Isthereanyhope posted 11/14/2017 19:36 PM

Iím sure my ex tells the women that we took each other for granted, grew apart and the marriage died. Iím sure heíd never, ever be willing to admit he was meeting women from Ashley Madison at local hotels and having unprotected sex with them before we even talked about splitting up. Pretty sure that wouldnít go over so well with the new girlfriends.

kpstartingover posted 11/14/2017 19:56 PM

I found out through mutual acquaintances that XH told his new wife (not the OW) that I had a midlife crisis and *I* cheated, left poor old him high and dry. If only she knew that he had an LTA with a coworker and was soliciting women on Craigslist, and had a very disturbing porn collection on top of that...

I dated a cheating asshole who was two-timing me at the very least (I suspect he has 4-5 women in his life at any time) and had a fiance that I obviously didn't know about. It got back to me a few months after I told him never to contact me again that he was telling people I was unstable and vengeful because he put his kids ahead of me when we were dating and he was just trying to be a good dad.

I've had no problem setting people straight but it definitely taught me that pitiable tales of people done wrong by exes are to be taken with a grain of salt, and has affected how and when I tell my story.

cantaccept posted 11/14/2017 20:13 PM

I found out what he said when his last girlfriend called me. She was not one of the ow.

He lied. Big surprise!

She was pretty upset to hear my version of what happened. Although her reason for calling was that she thought he was a sociopath and needed some validation.

I guess I know what he would say, even without talking to the girlfriend, well ex-girlfriend now. He would say similar to what he said to me. Truth twisted, events that happened but not to him. He would take truth and use it to make himself the victim although in reality he was the perpetrator.

I do pity anyone that does not see through him.

MakingMyFuture posted 11/14/2017 20:42 PM

Donít know what he told the young thing (not OW) he was in a bdsm relationship with post divorce. They broke up (I donít know if she ,like, ya know, finally got her braces off and outgrew him or if she figured out just how far he would take the bdsm shit or what.

After that, in true X fashion (path of least resistance looking for kibbles somewhere and going for a known quantity), he ended up back with OW who had since moved Back to the US after her BH got rid of her. So the two bottom feeders are now together. She may know heís a cheater but has absolutely no idea that he lies about absolutely everything to everyone. He is an expert at the sad sausage routine and telling different stories to different people as long as in the end he comes out looking innocent and well liked.

So I sleep a bit better knowing she inherited that freaky mask and not some decent woman. Although a part of me does hope she someday figures out what is really going on (like maybe in 30 years)

[This message edited by MakingMyFuture at 8:43 PM, November 14th (Tuesday)]

mizunomead posted 11/14/2017 22:07 PM

Hmmm....ex ww to ap now so " hi, I cheated on my husband with at least 7 guys and on you with at least 2 guys after I left my husband for you" will you be one and only true love.... SO. " hi I cheated 2 different times I the past, then went back to her, now cheated on her with you and left her for you....and I have cheated on you at least twice also" yes, I will be your one true love...why yes we are perfect for each other..

Lmao...oh man, it sounds even better when you write it out lol.....sheesh....

Anyways,honestly who cares what they say.

Shattereddd posted 11/15/2017 07:15 AM

I have no doubt she will portray herself as the victim and rationalize her behaviors with whatever lies needed. The reality is she had it pretty damn good with me, I'm very proud of the husband I was. I feel so sorry for any man who gets involved with her. They will never know who she really is. She will make sure of it this time.

EvenKeel posted 11/15/2017 07:42 AM

Since history repeats itself, I suspect he told his new GFs the same lines he told me when we were dating (about his first M).

In that case, he spun this first M story as being the victim. "Poor me, I came home one day and she just cleaned the place out and took off....."

The obvious question from me should have been "Geez - that is an act of a scorn woman...what did you do???"

Instead, I knew the ex teetered on the edge so I bought his side of the story.

Years later, I found out she found out he was running around and called her brothers to come and move all her stuff asap.

So - I could only imagine, he is still spewing similar stories, just about me now.

Whatev.

BrokenheartedUK posted 11/15/2017 15:08 PM

This is a source of speculation for me and my kids. Their dad has had a girlfriend since about five months after we split. I know from my DS that she has a kid and they only see each other (my EX and her every other weekend). For over two years now. Anyway it turns out, according to my EX, that her EX is now married to his OW who he has started seeing when she was pregnant with their only child. And according to my EX, he was truthful about having had an A and ďhad to work really hard to gain her trust.Ē Iím quite sure he has NOT told her about the fact that he still lies to our children over various things including her existence for a long time. Iím also pretty sure he wouldnít cheat again as it cost him so much but heís a classic Ďdry drunkí of infidelity having never gained a moment of insight. And Iím pretty sure he swears that he tried to work it out after the marriage and poor him when I ended it and took the children back to my homeland depriving him of contact (of course the real story was that the kids didnít want to see him and still donít). His version of what happened after DDay is 100% he is the victim.

My EX is extremely good looking and very charming and some women just have low expectations as to what a partner should bring to the relationship. Iím pretty sure she doesnít know how much he still loves me and Iím happy that heís off my hands.

Good luck to her is all I can say!!

homewrecked2011 posted 11/15/2017 16:37 PM

When I met xh he told me his 1st wife cheated on him.

Looking back, Im sure he cheated on her.

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