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another of the "has this happened to you?"

veryconfused posted 11/16/2017 21:50 PM

I am hopefull that the collective wisdom has a few thoughts here. To answer questions early
1. I have done IC nearly every week since DDay except for a period from Easter to June.
2. I was on antidepresents for 4 months
3. Stopped the meds 3 to 4 weeks ago, couldn't function.

As for the issue, we are now more than a year and a half out, and I suddenly find myself breaking. Legit, just suddenly breaking and bawling while driving down the road. I have to walk away from movies like Moana and the never ending story cause they get me tearing up, I'm super sensitive to everything I read on here - the one on suicide just devastated me!

I feel like the shock has finally worn off, I have no emotional armor, and this is my new norm? Seriously - amyone else?

madseason posted 11/16/2017 22:05 PM

(((Hugs)))

I'm 10+ years out. I don't feel like the A changed me emotionally. I was always a weepy, overly sensitive mess and I still am - lol. But I do feel like the A changed me personality-wise and I hate it and I wish I could change it back but I don't know how. At some point I reached the "well I guess this is just who I am now" stage except that who I am now is kind of an asshole. No way would I be friends with me.

So, I guess maybe kind of the same thing. Dealing with changes in yourself that you didn't ask for and don't know how to fix.

OneInTheSame posted 11/17/2017 01:20 AM

The second year was hard for me for the reasons you have listed. The shock had worn off, and my new reality was overwhelmingly sad and depressing. It is often said that year #2 is harder than the first year for this reason.

Be gentle with yourself. Sometimes the tears just have to flow. I have often grabbed a bath sheet (a larger than normal bath towel) and wrapped it around myself in a huge, tight self-hug, because my wife did not know how to comfort me during those crucial early months. I still break into tears on occasion, and I am pretty sure it is one part of me grieving for other parts of me that are still dumbfounded and hurting.

carriemcsky posted 11/17/2017 02:18 AM

Yes, that second year is hard. Just coping with the "This is my reality now" is somewhat harder than the shock and horror of the initial aftermath of DDay.

I also had days when the tears would flow for seemingly no reason. Of course, in hindsight, it was usually a trigger that I didn't recognize at first.

Now, I very rarely cry. I think, for me, I have partially emotionally detached from WH. We spend loads of time together, doing things we both enjoy. We actually have fun and enjoy each other's company. But, my reality is my reality. There's always going to be the knowledge of what he did to me, our marriage, and our family.

That's a tough pill to swallow.

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