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Felt the need to share my story

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harrybrown posted 11/20/2017 15:57 PM

Keep up the NC.

she murdered your marriage.

Stay away from her.

Glad you got the D. Hope you find some peace and keep with the counseling.

You will do better now that you are not married to her.

She is a serial cheater and will never change.

She does not care how much she hurt you.

keep her out of your life!

ISurvived7734 posted 11/20/2017 16:12 PM

The secret to healing is No Contact! Let all of the financial stuff flow through your lawyer and simply ghost her. There is no reason - other than to continue the misery - for you to ever have contact with her again.

Minnesota posted 11/21/2017 11:41 AM

Unfortunately, you rugswept her previous cheating. This is why she continued it.

I can't disagree with this more. Underlying this statement is blame to you for her cheating. Not. Even. Close. It is not nor was not nor will ever be your fault for someone cheating. They made that decision and nothing we do can control them (no matter how much we want to flex our muscles and be "in charge.") You did the best you could then with the information and skills you and background you had. It is not your fault that she went off the rails again.

Further, I think this kind of statement is completely unhelpful. What good does a statement like this do? How is this helpful to the person going through one of the worst pains of their lives? It isn't. Frankly, I think it's cruel. I believe we all (self included) need to be willing to filter our support through the question, "is this your issue or my own I'm addressing here?" A person shouldn't be shamed for sharing his story.

SimplyReal posted 11/22/2017 10:17 AM

I think my biggest fear is this happening again. The fear that if the one person I thought this could never happen, did happen. I know there are plenty of women who are loyal, but there are plenty who are disloyal as well. Some who are excellent liars and manipulators.

I mean there are some who go on for 20+ years before showing their true colors! Itís really a scary thought.

How can someone who tells you how much they love you and convince you that you are special to them... betray you? Canít seem to wrap my head around that fact. I truly believed she loved me.

JS84 posted 11/22/2017 10:47 AM

I've always felt you should never trust anyone 100%. If people show, or have shown you, who they are you need to believe it and treat that person accordingly.

I feel pretty much everyone under the right circumstances is capable of cheating.

And ya it might happen again. Many people are cheated on more than once. But if it does happen again, hopefully you will have learned from this experience to deal with it accordingly.

Was reading a thread earlier about a guy who had been cheated on by a long time partner, handled it completely the wrong way but eventually split and moved on. 15 years later cheated on by his wife (different woman) but handled it completely differently and it worked out for him as well as it could. Because he had learned from his previous mistakes.

You're just going to need some time to heal that's all.

Dobby posted 11/22/2017 14:11 PM

Good new/ bad news.

The bad news: It will take a good 6 months or more before the pain goes away. What help me was when I stopped blaming myself and help her accountable, this was HER fault and that's when the anger stage hits.

The good news: 5 years from now you could be happly married to a wonderful woman and expected a child and won't even remember any of these feelings you have today.

Everything you are feeling and going through right now is temporary, you just have to wait it out.

SimplyReal posted 11/22/2017 14:44 PM

Good new/ bad news.
The bad news: It will take a good 6 months or more before the pain goes away. What help me was when I stopped blaming myself and help her accountable, this was HER fault and that's when the anger stage hits.

The good news: 5 years from now you could be happly married to a wonderful woman and expected a child and won't even remember any of these feelings you have today.

Everything you are feeling and going through right now is temporary, you just have to wait it out.

That would be wonderful. Itís hard to wait this out. I blame her for a lot but sometimes feel like I could have done better and loved her better. I could have taken her out more on dates or told her how much I loved her more often. Iím sad about those things.

marji posted 11/22/2017 15:02 PM

SimplyReal maybe she did love you but had serious issues that prevented her from living in an honest and faithful way. I know it sounds like a contradiction but people are complicated. Please do not blame yourself; she sounds like someone for whom, at least at this time in her life, no amount of attention, of "taking out" of being told they're loved, could be enough. She sounds like someone who had serious issues that stood in the way of her being a strong, healthy, trustworthy and solid partner.

You are very young and you seem like a very intelligent, articulate, sensitive person. You will meet another and will love another. The ability to love is not limited. Will it feel the same way? No, not exactly but it will be good and that relationship will be sustaining and fulfilling.

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