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DS3 raped

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DeadMumWalking posted 12/1/2017 08:03 AM

DS3 (19) was in a bar drinking a beer (legal age to drink here is 18), some guy somehow put ghb in his drink, got him outside and raped him. He reported to the police and stayed in the hospital 2 days. He was supposed to stay longer but he didn't want to, he just wanted to come home.

He is back home now and completely traumatized - hasn't slept for days, dehydrated, and I will have to take him back to the hospital if he can't keep anything down. Technically he's an adult and can refuse treatment but fuck it, I'm his MOTHER and he's not dying on my watch.

WTF

My poor baby is in so much pain.

DragnHeart posted 12/1/2017 08:18 AM

Holy fuckibg hell I'm so sorry! This is beyond horrible. And you're right, damned the legal age to refuse, drag his ass back to that hospital. Is there any IC you can get him into? Something the hospital can do? Any luck that the police will catch this asshole?

Hugs to both you and him.

DeadMumWalking posted 12/1/2017 08:22 AM

Thanks Dragn, yes he is definitely going to IC (he even asked to).

They took a rape kit at the hospital and there should be DNA - whether the POS creep gets caught or not I don't know. With any luck he will already be registered and they can lock his ass up and throw away the key.

DragnHeart posted 12/1/2017 08:37 AM

I hope they catch that monster! Ya know when I was at university I had gone with a group to an off campus bar. I put my drink down and had turned my back then went to grab my drink. One of the guys grabbed my hand and stopped me. He said that in those few seconds DS anyone could have drugged my drink and to go get another. I didn't even know about the date rape drug. Woman now are more careful but I now wonder are men. And this is why I chose to stay home to have a drink. Ugh!

I'll keep you both in my prayers. I'm so glad he asked to see IC. That's wonderful for him to recognize that this is a trauma and he needs help to get through it.

sparkysable posted 12/1/2017 08:57 AM

That is awful. Poor DS. My God. I hope that he is able to get some justice.

Bigger posted 12/1/2017 09:39 AM

I‘m so sorry to hear about this. Be a bear-mom and take care of your kid.
I hope I’m wrong but… Fortunately there is a LOT of help available for rape-victims with all sorts of emphasis on things like not feeling blame for being raped, not wondering what they did to “deserve” getting raped, not feeling shame for being raped and so on. Unfortunately, this help tends to be based towards women.
It’s really tough for a victim to break out of the victim-mentality. That’s where you can help. YOU be the person that phones rape-help hotlines and asks about male-on-male rape. You be the mom that finds the best therapist, nags your son into group-therapy or whatever good help you find. You make sure he goes to whatever resource you find for him. You do not allow him to bottle this up.

tushnurse posted 12/1/2017 09:52 AM

(((DMW and Son))))

That is so scary, and sad.
That exact scenario is how many young women get raped at colleges, and frat parties, and I have done so much to educate my DD, but never thought about someone victimizing my son.
Time to start over......

(((And Strength))))

DeadMumWalking posted 12/1/2017 10:01 AM

Thanks Bigger - yes, I am doing what I can. He and I talked for about 2 hours. I did tell him that nothing he did or didn't do caused this or could have prevented it. He 'knows' that, but right now he's just so traumatized that he's cycling through all the events and I'm sure is thinking about what he could have done differently.

And thanks also for specifically mentioning looking for male on male rape resources. I suspect it will be difficult to find in this country, but I will do what I can.

We had a family therapist that he is very comfortable with and has seen individually a few times for some other issues. When he said he thought he would want to talk to a counselor about this I suggested her and he thought that would be a good idea. There is also a male colleague that she works with that we know through family therapy, in case he might feel more comfortable talking to a man.

DeadMumWalking posted 12/1/2017 10:05 AM

TN - yes, I have 3 boys (well, men now!) and never once thought about addressing this particular issue with them.

Sometimes this world just seems so impossible.

PricklePatch posted 12/1/2017 10:37 AM

I have great empathy for both him and you. My Dd was physically and sexually assualted Nov 13. Hers was date rape. She to could keep nothing in and her whole body shaking. She went to the er and that was a trauma to. She is now home a month later finally venturing out.

I pushed her into going back to her part time job. I went and sat in there so she would feel safe the first day. Her psychiatrist a nd psychologist encouraged her to try and maintain getting out of the house daily and doing her part time job. That required me being with her. She is doing better now. I wanted to tell you a month later she went to a friends last night in her car by herself.

It has been slow going. We agreed not to talk about it unless she brought it up. It took two weeks for the vomiting to go away. Now it is stomach aches if she talks about it.

There is hope. I am so sorry your DS is going through this. Big hugs. PM me if you like.

latebloomer45 posted 12/1/2017 10:55 AM

(((DMW)))

I was raped the same way in 1980, had no idea I was drugged...just thought I drank too much. I have no idea how many men might have raped me...I know there were 4 men there when I woke up in the guy's house, and I have a foggy sense that there were more earlier. Because I thought it was "my fault" I never went to the hospital. It's still horrible to think about 37 years later.

I am praying for you and your whole family. May his rapist be caught and rot in jail and then in hell.

TheCaterpillar posted 12/1/2017 11:15 AM

This is so awful, I'm so sorry that this has happened.

It's good he's preparing for IC but he's too fragile to look after his physical wellbeing so you're gonna have to be strong for both of you. Can your gp do a phone consult to discuss options for getting him through the first few weeks? He may nenefit from sleep aids, nutrition supplements/antu nausea if he's not able to eat. I'm sure he doesn't even want to think about that stuff now but perhaps you can help prevent further health complications.

There are support groups and advice online for loved ones of sexual assault survivors too, it might be an idea to line up help for yourself as this is traumatizing to see DS go through this. A support group/forum might bolster you keep your strength up so you can give as much as possible to DS.

You're all in our thoughts and prayers

[This message edited by TheCaterpillar at 11:16 AM, December 1st (Friday)]

earthangel posted 12/1/2017 11:22 AM

I am just SO sorry

There are some truly awful, predatory beings out there... I hope this one is caught and gets what he deserves.

Your son has been incredibly brave to report it and seek medical help and counselling. I hope that courage and your love and support enable his healing.

Hugs to you both .... as a mum I cannot imagine the pain of knowing what your poor son has experienced. I'm so glad that he is able to talk to you about it but please remember to get support for yourself too!

[This message edited by earthangel at 11:24 AM, December 1st (Friday)]

1Faith posted 12/1/2017 11:28 AM

Oh, I am so very sorry.

How horrible for you all.

Please keep your momma instincts in tack and get you DS the help he needs.

Sending hugs and prayers.

sadone29 posted 12/1/2017 11:31 AM

omg, I'm so sorry.

foreverlabeled posted 12/1/2017 11:31 AM

((((DeadMumWalking))))

So heartbreaking to hear. Such a tragedy. Take care DMW..

never once thought about addressing this particular issue with them.
I have a son too, this never crossed my mind.

BrokenheartedUK posted 12/1/2017 11:38 AM

((((((DMW and DS3)))))

That is horrific. Rape is traumatic enough without same sex rape and I'm sure he's deeply traumatized as are you. It is frightening how many drugged drink stories I heard in the UK and as you and others have suggested, I also hadn't thought to discuss this with my son. I have occasionally heard of male on male rape and I think there is a great deal of shame and stigma attached to it which I'm sure he's also feeling. There's ALWAYS shame attached to rape, but this will up that ante considerably. Hugs.

still2suspicious posted 12/1/2017 12:13 PM

DAMN!!

I am so sorry DMW for the trauma your DS will go thru.

He is blessed to have you as his mama bear.

Nail that fucker to the wall!! How dare he!!

Sending hugs and strength (((DMW and DS)))

GabyBaby posted 12/1/2017 13:17 PM

OMG DMW. I’m so sorry for you both.

Phoenix1 posted 12/1/2017 14:24 PM

That's horrible! I am so sorry!

Getting a drink laced with drugs happens so incredibly fast. My oldest DD got a drug laced drink while at a bar with a group of her friends. It made her almost black out and extremely sick (as in projectile vomiting). Luckily, she was with a group of friends, including her (then) fiancé (now hubs). She had the presence of mind to know what had happened. Her fiancé and another one of the guys in the group went after the suspected drugger, and he ran out of the bar and down the street. They didn't catch him, but if his actions are any indication of guilt, he was indeed the culprit. It took her 2-3 days to recover from it.

I am so sorry this happened to your DS. Big ((hugs))!!

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