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Its across the street

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WhatsRight posted 3/23/2018 20:15 PM

I can't BELIEVE he waved back!

What a moron.

Bigger posted 3/24/2018 07:32 AM

I think you are doing as well as can be expected.

Your ICís advice to waveÖ It wasnít to see if he waved back. Itís to send the signal ďI donít give a damnĒ. Itís to tell them that they are so insignificant that you arenít even showing them the respect of ignoring them as if they didnít exist. They are simply the couple across the street. The Joneses that you really have no interest in mingling with but them being there doesnít bother you because they have no space in your mind.
And yes Ė he waved back. And to you that should be about as important as a casual ďhave a wonderful dayĒ from the guy at Starbucks when you got your Latte. The same guy you casually said ďthanksĒ to. Itís just courtesy, itís not an offer for eternal friendship.

Early on I suggested you didnít move. Once the divorce is over then maybe you should start looking aroundÖ Iím going to suggest the following: Start scanning the property-pages. Start working on your finances. Start working on things in your house to increase its value and/or salability. Set a deadline: say six months. At that point, your goal is that you are totally aware of the prices and how to finance, your house in top-condition and IF you still want to move everything has been lined up.
If Ė at that time Ė you are fine with staying where you are then you will have clearer finances, a better home and have had a project to keep you busy.

RockstarDad posted 3/25/2018 14:32 PM

Yea I am on a upswing with the roller coaster. Back in the gym, sleeping a little better this week. Really accepting that this has happened and that it isn't me and that they are the fucked up ones.
Honestly I think instead of hating her I am feeling sorry for her in a way. She doesn't know how to stay happy or realize what she is losing. Her values are screwed up. I'd rather be me than her any day.
For him I know I am the better man in everyway. This wasn't me being picked over him. He is down on her level. His BS said early on they deserve each other. She went down to someone on her level. They can live there lives I don't care.
What does still bother me is the kids. What does this teach them if I stay across the street. Does it validate that this is not fucked up? Watching him pick.my sleeping 5yo out of her truck and carry him inside is not fun. Maybe I am pain shopping by watching, but how do you not look out when you know your kids are outside.
I got 2 months before I need to start making a decision here. House is perfect for the kids, except for dumb and dumber across the street. IDK Bigger, maybe I grow some more here but living accross from this just feels trashy.

Marz posted 3/25/2018 14:37 PM

Make sure you get your finances squared away. If she hurt your score there are ways to get it back up.

The1stWife posted 3/25/2018 15:08 PM

The house you are living in now may provide stability to your children.

Does the AP own that house? Because if not they may be moving sooner than you think.

Just a suggestion. You are handling this well.

Iwantmyglasses posted 3/25/2018 15:12 PM

I agree with you. Itís very very sad. I wouldnít move. I donít see therir affair lasting long term. Moving will cost you equity, realtor fees, closing fees, movers and all it cost to make a new home comfy. Continue to save money, put money into your retirement.

Add up the expenses I just mentioned. Divide this by 2 or 3 dollars. Print this out in play money and make yourself a visual money jar. I just saw him carry my child in. Well that is worth 6 dollars. Place the play money go into a jar.

The morality question is a whole other issue. This wonít be her last ďlove of her lifeĒ. Your children will eventually ask you why Mom canít keep a boyfriend. You can explain the chase is worth more to her than love an security.

RockstarDad posted 3/25/2018 17:18 PM

Everyone but me seems to think that this ends sooner rather than later. Its been about 8 months since at least the EA started and probably 6 months (best guess) since the PA started already. I think this is going to be a 2-5 year affair, I care much less about them though.
Her history is 2 year relationships. They have so much invested in this. She has no where to go and cant take care of herself without someone to support her. She will likely get pregnant here soon. Both her prior child and the child with me were unplanned (at least on the male side) and happened around the 1 year mark. Maybe her hook in retrospect seeing her actions in a different light.
My STBXW truly affaired down to her level. Really they are on the same level morally and maturity wise with there decision making. I see this lasting a while, heck maybe for a long time, but that matters less to me.
Again its the kids thing. How messed up is it going to be when they realize what happened to think that Dad lived across the street from this. I don't want to project that it is ok to them. God forbid one of my children does this when they are older and thinks its ok in any shape or fashion.

I wish I had everyone else's confidence
. Maybe when the D's are final, something changes, but I doubt it happens soon. Its just goofy.
And he has only owned the house for a year and a half so there is no real equity in it or down payment so his BS just walked away from it. I don't blame her, even offered to pay for any loss if she contested the house, but she didn't want to deal with it.
One thing at a time. I got a couple months here. Getting the finances in line, but there is just a lot of short term debt to cover its taking a while especially with my reduced ability to work side jobs and overtime.

HardyRose posted 3/25/2018 17:48 PM

Maybe your kids will think - Dad is so strong. He stayed across the street from Mum and her AP because it was best for us.

You donít know what your kids will think and you donít know that there isnít a better house out there for you either. Maybe do some planning and looking. You are in control of it you move or not and you donít have to decide right now.

And watching him carry your kid inside? That would have hurt. That sucks.

pureheartkit posted 3/30/2018 10:22 AM

How are all of you. How's spring/ Easter break going?

Dismayed2012 posted 3/30/2018 10:36 AM

"I will have SO much more in life than this BS."

My thought exactly. Take care of yourself Rock.

RockstarDad posted 3/30/2018 11:37 AM

Not a whole lot new. Spring break was last week. Took the kids to water park hotel for 2 days/1 night. Whole house just got new carpet from my leaving the bathtub running fiasco, putting the furniture back today.

Taking it easy on the booze, was picking up a habit slowly but caught it before it got out of control. Back in the gym, I evened out at -30 pounds and am lifting heavy now and put on 10 the right way. Still down in the waist and never looked better. Had looked at my old army pics the other day and I am more muscular than I was then. Had to buy new work uniforms I lost so much weight, better shape then when I started almost 10 years ago.

The shrink has been great. I'd heard it before but he told me really I am not out much and it's stuck. I loved the woman a lot but when the love left and I saw her without love glasses on she doesnt have any of the desirable qualities I want in a woman. I was in love with who I thought she was. Working on the woman picker still. Also shrink was confident that they blow up or have a shit relationship so I don't feel I will lose in the end, not that it matters so much anymore.

Class has been a stress. Working full time, taking care of 2 kids 70% of the time and taking three classes is tough before you put the divorce on top of it. May not be straight As this semester but getting it done. 6 weeks left and then I only have two classes the next two semesters before I am done.

Shrink also says that OM is competing with me. Noticed this the other day as I was cleaning out my garage playing tunes well whatcha know he starts doing the same thing...I got a good chuckle out of that.
Shrink said he was jealous of me so he went after my most prized possession. When I thank him (when it's over cause I don't want to rock the boat now) it will devalue her. I find that pretty funny. He really did me a favor. She could have lasted 5, 10 or 15 more years and then where would I be. I am mid 30's and got plenty of time to retool and rebuild. This has been horrible but I am coming out the other side ahead in the long run.

Really making strides in detaching which is good and probably not reflective of my thoughts above, but my everyday is so much better. Don't feel compelled to look out the window every time I hear a car. Thought of him with my kids irritates me, but not the fury it was before. I can never be replaced as Daddy, I've put in to much and can keep it up. Just chaperones a field trip this week and got talked into head coaching another season of baseball (wanted to asst coach at first).

Can't wait to start the next chapter in my life. All I got to do is wait it out 16 days 21 hours and 38 minutes but who's counting. :)

Marz posted 3/30/2018 11:41 AM

Nice update.

You are the one getting yourself in a good place.

Keep it up

Dismayed2012 posted 3/30/2018 11:48 AM

"16 days 21 hours and 38 minutes"

I was doing the same thing. I celebrated on the day I received the final decree. The final weight was lifted; it was amazing.

MidnightRun posted 3/30/2018 13:26 PM

16 days to freedom.

Just.

Sixteen.

Days.

2018MLMM posted 3/30/2018 14:03 PM

Have a cookout on Saturday 4/21 to celebrate!

Congratulations!!!

Freeme posted 3/30/2018 14:23 PM

All I got to do is wait it out 16 days 21 hours and 38 minutes but who's counting. :)

YES! I'm counting for you too!... and then we can do a new count down to when their relationship explodes.

I don't doubt he is competing with you. You were a great husband and really thought you had a CATCH. Not many men would have married her with a two year old (by a fling with a convict)and then adopted the two year old. That's a lot of work and a true commitment for a single guy. This guy cheats on his fiance, gets a divorce weeks after their wedding and then has the married woman across the street move in? Neither of them should trust the other. If you weren't NC full force right now, I'd bet they would be having huge marriage issues. (keep up the NC at least for the 16 days).

Glad to hear you went to the waterpark with the kids. You have so much going on right now with work, school, sports, the house, the divorce it's great that you are taking the time to focus on having fun with the kids.

RockstarDad posted 3/30/2018 14:42 PM

My adopted sons father wasn't a convict. He was a coworker at the jewelry store she worked at. She was 23 he was 37 and getting divorced at the time (his ex cheated). Talk about warning signs ya ignored...

Don't want to examine it today but I'm getting to a place where I think I could handle living here. When this is final I am going to stop hiding. Open up the blinds. I got nothing to be ashamed of. I have handled this with class. Let them cower and be uncomfortable. 16 days.

[This message edited by RockstarDad at 4:05 PM, March 30th (Friday)]

Freeme posted 3/30/2018 16:10 PM

Ran into my 9yo biological father. He is a semifunctional and drinks too much. He was hung over when I saw him. His ex had cheated in him and then her AP sexually assaulted his daughter. He is in prison now. Bio dad worked with my stbew and had dated after his divorce and she got pregnant shortly there after.

So bio dad was supposedly told, but found out she didn't really tell him anything. He said he was not surprised given her character. Agreed to remain quiet till after the divorce and then he will just deal with me after.

Had to go back to figure out why I thought he was a convict. I read your post wrong... I thought the "He is now in prison" referred to the Bio Dad... Which wouldn't make sense since you said you ran into him. Sorry for the confusion. Of course the bio dad seems to have your WW pegged.

I don't know if I could stand to stay in the same house but... I like the idea of you staying. I envision your life getting better and better, with school, focus on kids, getting healthy, eventually finding attractive, woman that deserves/appreciates you... and their life... rapidly down hill. Their moral compass is off, her money habits, the age difference, pulse her issue with ageing...His issues with you living across the street.

16 days...

RockstarDad posted 3/30/2018 17:09 PM

We'll see the house decision is a month or two out. Ive been researching the market for a while still trying to sort out where I want to end up school district wise and how that fight is going to go with her. I need to talk to the lawyer again on how I can keep the kids in the school district near me if I bounce. Had 3-6 neighborhood kids over almost every day this week. My house is THAT house in the neighborhood.

As for the convict thing. My son's bio dad was divorced and the man his wife left him for molested his daughter. The OM in his life is in prison.

BJE49 posted 4/2/2018 05:42 AM

RockstarDad, not wanting to upset you but it was nearer to 17 days than 16 with those extra hours and mins added on, good news now though is it's 3 days less than before, and won't be long before that's down to single digit days, have you planned on anything special, like sending the happy couple across the street a "I'm feeling better already card" ha, ha.

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