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Single OW

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RaindropsTricks posted 2/10/2018 08:25 AM

I reckon that they aren't on here. But I wonder about single women who have sex/relationships with married men. What kind of women are they? Even in my single days and before my husband's betrayal I never respected anyone who cheated with a married person. It's terrible and what they do affects so many people. Is there a particular kind of single woman who does this? What's wrong with them? Do they have no morals???

MariaS posted 2/10/2018 09:29 AM

Many of them are told lies which they unfortunately believe.

Typically......

We're like flatmates/no sex
She doesn't understand me
Too expensive to leave
She won't let me see the kids if leave her
She has mental health problems
Together for the kids
Don't want to be a part time dad
I'll leave when [insert reason of chouce]..,X starts school..X goes to college...When wife gets a job and it won't cost $$$ to leave


The single OW believes this and feels he's trapped in the marriage and she is his only source of comfort. That's because the MM love mobs and convinces her this is this case.

Also some single OW have low self esteem, have had a string of abusive relationships and feel 'grateful' for the attention.


Smjsome1 posted 2/10/2018 09:32 AM

Nope - no morals, no empathy - nothing- the single AP who is currently at 6 months NC is still self righteously now dating another man and trying to contact my WH, and flirting with any man in his office with a motorcycle and a uniform -

I think she has a sign or something “will f—- if wearing a uniform and ride a motorcycle”

She was actually butt hurt because my H told me “personal” information about her - like her name, etc, etc.

Want2BHappyAgain posted 2/10/2018 09:34 AM

The adultery co-conspirator in MY case was divorced at the time she agreed to having NSA sex with a stranger...my H.

According to my H...she told him she had 2 A's before the one with him. One with her Aunt's boyfriend...because she had admired him since her childhood .

The other A was with her boss because she thought he was HOT . Her BH found out about that A and divorced her.

When my H and the ACC met for the first time...he said she was almost giddy...she said she had never done this before. He thought she meant she had never had an A before...but after she told him about the other 2...he came to think it meant she had never had sex with a stranger before. I then pointed out to him how she had told him that she tried to fulfill a fantasy of hers by having sex with a man who had a rather large penis. That was the criteria . She didn't know him...he tried to penetrate her...it hurt her...and she made him stop . So...sex with a stranger was out too.

She was obsessed with America...so it may have been that she had never been with an American before. She lied and manipulated stories all the time like this...so who knows. I know she wanted BADLY for him to bring her to America. After 3 A's...I think it is easy to see that she had NO morals whatsoever.

MissLavandar posted 2/10/2018 11:05 AM

I can't speak for all OW, but the OW in our case was single and here's what I can contribute about her:

*Suffered from depression
*Had aspbergers (my WH didn't know it at the time) and it made her very obsessive and contributed to their very stormy relationship
*was extremely self absorbed (only cared about her social media following and how she could benefit from being with my H)
* was a master manipulator (2 suicide attempts to keep my WH on the hook)
* had low self esteem
* was an alcoholic in the true sense of the word (Said she drank because of being wronged by others)
* POURED on the compliments to my WH. As far as she was concerned, my husband was the best thing that ever lived.
* Flaky. She changed jobs 4 times in a year, finding a slightly worse one every time.
* She was seeing another man as well as my WH
* Un remorseful and in it to win. She phoned me and told me to sign divorce papers so she could go after my WH. After I told her we were reconciling she got angry . I stood my ground and told her she needed to have more respect for herself than to go after married men. She still tried to contact my H who then filed a no contact order with the police. He had to report her twice more because she still didn't get the message.

So what kind of person are single OW? From my situation, she wanted my life and would stop at nothing to get it. She wanted my H at all costs. Never mind that my husband wanted no part of her fantasy and told her so.

RaindropsTricks posted 2/10/2018 12:21 PM

I truly pray and hope that the OW suffers tremendously in life. In my case, she's only 29 and should have known better. And yes, I realize that it's my WH's fault . . .but a girl can only dream

RaindropsTricks posted 2/10/2018 12:27 PM

MariaS I think I would feel better about the OW in my case if my husband had lied to her about our marriage. I truly don't believe he did. I think she was attracted to who she thought he was and really didn't care who was hurt in the process.

Smjsome1 Now that one is truly a piece of work.

Want2BHappyAgain What an evil woman. All those affairs and no remorse whatsoever.

MissLavandar She sounds totally mentally ill.

NoMercy posted 2/10/2018 12:42 PM

You want some real good insight as to what OWs are thinking about and talking about?

Just do a search for "message boards for other women in affairs" and you'll get quite an eyeful.

I've read those boards on and off for years and it's amazing how justified so many of them feel for being in an affair. But that's only because their married man has told them his wife is a cold sexless shrew and an angry nag and she forces him to sleep in the guest room and he only gets bread and water to eat at home.

These boards DO have a certain entertainment value because there's nothing more satisfying than reading the posts of a smug OW whose sure "her" married man is different and he's not lying to her and he WILL be leaving his marriage to be with her. Then a few weeks or months later, she's crying into her Wheaties posting about how she was dumped by Prince Charming after a D-Day and/or she found out she's not the only OW in the queue.

One really has to leave their pride and dignity at the door to get to that stage in life, judging from the posts I've read over the years.

[This message edited by NoMercy at 12:43 PM, February 10th (Saturday)]

cancuncrushed posted 2/10/2018 16:32 PM

She wanted to mingle with upper management.. and travel...and get promoted...

Up until then, she had never held a job longer then 6 months...ever. She was 30....H was eager to play..

Two broken people....

OW always pursues older men...in management.....she married one, not long ago..Its her thing....most older men happen to be married...

[This message edited by cancuncrushed at 4:35 PM, February 10th (Saturday)]

AngryandhurtinFL posted 2/10/2018 16:45 PM

According to my H, he lied about his marital status. After they hooked up, she found him on fb and saw that he was married. He told her our marriage was rocky (funny how he never told ME!!!!), but anyways, she still saw him.

I stalked her fb page, did a background check on her, everything I could think of. I believe she has daddy issues and was looking for a sugar daddy. My H portrayed himself as a business owner (which he is, but his business has yet to make a penny).

As for the daddy issues, now this is going to sound like a soap opera. I found out who her father is. He has not one pic of her on his page. There are other young ladies (I'm assuming daughters from another woman). I also found another female with the same first and last name (who looks like one of the females on his page) who looks almost just like the OW. They are about 10 months apart. So idk if she was he product of an affair and daddy deserted her or if daddy was a ho and deserted her. But however she was conceived, seems like daddy has nothing to do with her.

Heart posted 2/10/2018 16:55 PM

There are women who see what other women have and want it for themselves. I guess it's a high for a low down person without morals.

CaptainRogers posted 2/10/2018 17:06 PM

My wife's AP was a single guy who worked in our home remodeling the master bath. He knew exactly what he was doing in pursuing her, knew that she was vulnerable because apparently she would come home from her IC sessions and cry in the bedroom for an hour. He is/was a complete predator. Gave her all the ego kibbles he could find, professed his desire to be with her, tried to show a "moral high ground" by saying that he couldn't be in a physical relationship as long as she was still married, counseled her on how to seek to end the marriage, etc., etc., etc.

When I confronted him, he "apologized", said that he had been single for a while, was lonely, liked the attention he was getting from her, said all he could think about was how hurt our kids would be, on and on and on.

Long story short...the AP is also living in a fantasy land where reality isn't welcome.

Mel61 posted 2/10/2018 21:12 PM

She had been divorced for years due to her husbands infidelity. My wh connected with her on a dating site said he was seperated they met up after talking for a few weeks. It was an extremely bad time for us multiple deaths in our family bad coping for him. He had all the wh thinking reasons. She had sex with him the night they met. After that it was oh so special true lurve on their part. After she was dropped on d-day she told me when I confronted her. That she wanted the type of relationship I had because he keep choosing me over her. Why couldn't she have that, I refrained from telling her that if she was interested in a man that was not divored keep her pants on and tell him to bring her a copy of the divorce decree. But I decided if she was that stupid at 52 that was her problem. I straightened out my wh thinking who cares about hef.

BlueIris posted 2/10/2018 21:54 PM

My H wasn’t lying to either OW - our M was absolutely struggling, but I have to ask: since when does a struggling marriage mean it’s okay to cheat or get involved with someone who would cheat on his/her spouse?

Married but struggling is still MARRIED. Either way, both OW apparently regularly encouraged him to leave me - which is hard enough to swallow - but they also both didn’t care about the children who would be hurt if he did so: they wanted his money, and I guess they figured if he walked away from me, he’d walk away from the kids, too.

Two OW, zero OBS - I’m glad there wasn’t another spouse hurt by what they did, but it feels like I, alone, bore the entirety of the pain the three of them willingly inflicted on me.

The OP asked what kind of women want to be with someone else’s husband? Not “Just Friends” has some data on this. In my case, OW1 wanted his money, and OW2 told my H she had daddy issues, and while I also think she was somewhat motivated by his income, I believe she was damaged enough to think that if a man left his wife for her, then obviously that must mean she (OW) was really special and better than the wife: that her value was linked to “besting” the betrayed spouse.

I cannot fathom wanting to be with someone else’s husband, nor do I see the appeal of being with someone who’d cheat on his spouse - who’d do that behind their back. The wrongness of it overwhelms everything else about it.

sisoon posted 2/11/2018 08:18 AM

There are at least a few single women who were told by a WS that he is single and who drop the WS the instant they find out he's married.... In fact a few do make it here.

[This message edited by sisoon at 8:19 AM, February 11th (Sunday)]

Lionne posted 2/11/2018 09:22 AM

OW 1 didn't care about me, or him. She was a manipulative person who eventually was fired when she tried to blackmail other married men she was screwing.

The second wanted my life and our money. We v aren't rich but both had good jobs, benefits, nice house etc. She worked in a lower paying job, cleaning schools, and was caught "accidentally" going into the boys locker room while teams were dressing. Fired, of course. She had also dated other MM in the schools resulting in ashowdown at a school meeting.

Neither they not him was upset when the relationships ended. Right after they had sex.

A collection of users, including my husband.

Mickeymom posted 2/11/2018 11:10 AM

One of my best childhood friends as we became young adults in our 20’s she had two affairs with married men at this point in my life we were young and dumb, but I believe for her it was about her not the men she to this day is still single never been married never had a serious relationship and she is beautiful and thin and athletic. What I think is married men were safe for her I believe she has serious commitment issues that’s why they were safe in her younger days now as far as I know she does not do this anymore I now have cut the friendship out of my life due to seeing actually how selfish a person she is and after being a BS I can no longer handle selfish people. So I think just like WS the OW single or married this about theirselves their issues their selfishness everyone else is just collateral damage to their fucked upness...

RaindropsTricks posted 2/11/2018 16:48 PM

The more I read the answers here, the more I am convinced he probably told her that our marriage was bad. And seeing some of the things she wrote that he said when he did NC. Now, she has lied about me (saying that I contacted her multiple times - untrue). But I never did ask him what he said about me/our marriage. It's going to be my next question to him when we talk about this.

psychmom posted 2/11/2018 18:05 PM

Of COURSE our M was bad, no sex FOR 4 YEARS, blah, blah, blah. That's the story he told and grew to believe over time. Embellished, most completely made up to make himself feel justified and OW feel sorry for him and have some hope.

Both PA were single OW. The first fuck buddies ( her term), the second with "friends who also had married boyfriends" so she felt special. fortunately, just like her cheating friends, she got dumped like trash once dday hit. I felt satisfied knowing she cried her eyes out for months and returned to IC in crisis. Good.

They believe the lies because they are as pathetic and sad as the married people who seek them out.

JpnHeartBreak posted 2/12/2018 00:06 AM

In my experience, most OW aren’t lied to about the marital status, they just don’t give a fuck. OW that were legitimately lied to and immediately broke it off with the MM are extremely rare to find. It seems as if most get a boost off of being able to sleep with another woman’s husband because they believe it means they are “better”🙄.

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