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Weird Feeling About The A.

someonetotalkto posted 3/13/2018 21:33 PM

It's going on 5 months since I found out. Is it normal to feel a little bit turned on when thinking about the A. Has anyone else had this? Is it normal or am I weird?

metoohurt posted 3/13/2018 22:23 PM

You get turned on thinking about your wife sleeping with another man and lying to you? Thereís a fetish for everything

[This message edited by metoohurt at 10:25 PM, March 13th (Tuesday)]

gtflng posted 3/13/2018 22:28 PM

I'm sure this is some offshoot aspect to hysterical bonding. I think you likely think about the affair, then the primitive, mark your territory senses kick in.

I highly doubt you are turned on specifically by thinking of your spouse cheating, but if you are, that's way better than feeling like you'd rather be dead which is the more typical response. Ha! Ride the wave!

HellFire posted 3/13/2018 22:30 PM

It's actually quite normal if you're thinking about the sex acts. And there has been several threads about it on here over the years.

Want2BHappyAgain posted 3/13/2018 22:32 PM

I had something similar at about the same timeframe as you. It was during sex...and my mind was picturing THEM...but it was like a porn movie . I got turned on and disgusted at the same time...but I did orgasm...so I guess the turned on part won out !!!

Datura posted 3/14/2018 01:49 AM

I think it's because the whole thing makes you think about sex all the freaking time and it is some sort of instinctual thing like claiming your mate back.

I don't know....but it went with the HB for me and made me feel horrible at the same time. I can't even describe it. It was so conflicting. Like my body was betraying me. Such a mindf*ck.

It has infiltrated every part of my life in some way. Like a layer of ick shadowing everything because the thoughts are always in my head even if I push them to the back.

It doesn't seem fair to want sex with my husband and then be whacked over the head with a mind movie.

What I wouldn't give to be able to delete this whole episode of my life.

Sorry bad mood today (clearly)

[This message edited by Datura at 1:50 AM, March 14th (Wednesday)]

destroyed1 posted 3/14/2018 02:18 AM


Nope, did not turn me on. Did the exact OPPOSITE for me.

someonetotalkto posted 3/14/2018 07:07 AM

You get turned on thinking about your wife sleeping with another man and lying to you? Thereís a fetish for everything

I didnít say that and itís not every time Iím reminded of the A. Itís like a picture what happened and then look at it as watching her get pleasure and not another man pleasuring her. In my head I put myself in the same scenario, but Iím the one doing it to her this time. I donít know if itís some type of coping mechanism but when I get reminded I try to think of me and her in that situation. She cheated on me but she never lied to me. She was honest with me when i found out and told me everything. I knew most of it just not some details. She didnít know what i knew and everything she said matched with my facts. Sheís a cheater, not a liar. We were in a bad spot in our relationship when the A happened. Iím just asking the question to see why my brain is reacting like that.

someonetotalkto posted 3/14/2018 07:35 AM

I think it's because the whole thing makes you think about sex all the freaking time and it is some sort of instinctual thing like claiming your mate back.
I don't know....but it went with the HB for me and made me feel horrible at the same time. I can't even describe it. It was so conflicting. Like my body was betraying me. Such a mindf*ck.

We are a very sexual couple. I do think about sex a lot. I can see the claiming your mate back because I think of the same scenario but with me and she really enjoys that.
I did feel horrible at first about it but am I getting over that horrible feeling and going to a much better feeling. I was just wondering if there were people that had the same experience. Everyone is different and everyone heals differently.

Lazarus posted 3/14/2018 08:01 AM

I've had all kinds of weird thoughts, I think this whole thing is such a mind f that there is no such thing as normal. Reading threads here you see reactions that are all over the map.

psychmom posted 3/14/2018 08:10 AM

I wouldn't be too anxious about this, someonetotalkto. The traumatized brain does many unusual things after this level and type of trauma. Don't give yourself anything more than you already have to stress about. I'd say you're as normal as the rest of us here

RaindropsTricks posted 3/14/2018 12:01 PM

Every so often I used to have those thoughts about WH and his exGF before D-Day and be turned on by them - more I think because of the "he's mine, not yours" thoughts. Now I have difficult time with it though and am someone appalled when I think about him being with anyone else. But I think you probably are turned on by them the same reason I was when I had them.

someonetotalkto posted 3/14/2018 16:57 PM

I wouldn't be too anxious about this, someonetotalkto. The traumatized brain does many unusual things after this level and type of trauma. Don't give yourself anything more than you already have to stress about. I'd say you're as normal as the rest of us here

Thank you. And I was normal with my way of thinking before this happened. I'm an overthinker and that doesn't help. I've learned a lot about myself in the last year. I'm proud to be where I am.

Chaos posted 3/14/2018 17:01 PM

The thought of WH and AP together disgusted me [still does]. And I saw pictures.

BUT - the urge for HB kicked in and kicked in hard.

like claiming your mate back.

Like Datura said.

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