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Define an 'affair'

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The1stWife posted 4/5/2018 16:19 PM

It’s cheating. It’s wrong. It’s a betrayal of your vows.

Kiss - cheating. Texting sexually suggestive comments - cheating.

Here is the litmus test - if she did not do it in front of you ir include you or inform you of her own choice - she knows it is wrong.

She is standing on a poor foundation if she is asserting @its not an A”.

Tell her to google emotional affair. See if her “friendship” doesn’t cross the line.

I suffered through this with my H’s first EA. 4 years long. Complete denial. Stonewall. Gaslight. All of it. Turns out he knew it was wrong all along AND admitted to his last OW who then told me.

Your wife is lying to your face. Sorry to say. She knows it is wrong.

So I suggest that you tell her that if this is acceptable to her then she won’t mind if you have the same dynamics with a “friend” of the opposite sex.

Hephaestus2 posted 4/5/2018 21:31 PM

If you want to know if what you are doing is "cheating" or "an affair" just ask your spouse.

- Frank Pittman

Lawyerly debates about what does and does not constitute "an affair" are a distraction. Engaging you in those kinds of fruitless debates is a standard operating procedure of an unfaithful spouse.

These days, children as young as 12 or 13 know what "cheating" is. You don't need to be a relationship expert to spot "an affair".

Jorge posted 4/6/2018 14:23 PM

A relationship kept in secrecy from the betrayed spouse.

MidnightRun posted 4/6/2018 15:54 PM

It's an affair if you view it as such.

Others be damn.

emptyinokc posted 4/6/2018 16:45 PM

ISurvivedSoFar said it. You really need to read "not just friends."

Mine never called it an affair either.

Jduff posted 4/7/2018 07:01 AM

Lawyerman, my XW still to this day will not admit to her affairs. She did mention once that she had innapropriate conversations with another man about our M to one if my kids therapist before his session started in an attempt to minimize the A.

But, whether you WW's definition of an A is in synch with yours and with everyone else's is but on the surface of something else that's even more relevant regarding your D and that is she rather been seen "in the right" more than being seen "in the M" and will let you take the D process all the way until it is finalized while pitching her narrative to anyone willing to listen. That says a lot about where her priorities are, doesn't it?

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